7:22 There Will Be Blood
We talk Supernatural Season 7, Episode 22 There Will Be Blood. There will be also be a round of "Monsters Slay with their words" where Diana has guess which SPN monster hurled what insult.
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Transcript
Welcome to this week's episode of Devil's Trap Podcast. I'm Diana.
Bitch (:I'm Liz.
Jerk (:And this week we're going to talk about season seven, episode 22, there will be blood.
Bitch (:there will be blood and marshmallows.
Jerk (:We're almost at the end of the season.
Bitch (:Almost, there's one more episode. Whatever will happen. Will the Leviathans win? I don't know.
Jerk (:Boo-Boo.
Jerk (:Who knows?
Jerk (:I don't know if I'm up for another season of Leviathans. I'm just teasing. So I've had a few little fun outings lately, you know, like Dave and I went to the babe, babe and I went to the Elm Street tattoo party last week and got to get all dressed up and hang out and play a bunch of blackjack for charity and.
Bitch (:All right. So what have you been doing?
Jerk (:Our little group pooled our winnings and won. Somebody gets somebody gets a tattoo. We want a tattoo. There we go. And then had a fun night out in Bishop Arts, where there's a little place that has an espresso martini flight, which is fun. And as someone that's not a big espresso martini drinker, I actually very much enjoyed it. And then it's called Isla and Co. And they also serve kangaroo meat in case you're curious.
Bitch (:Yes.
Jerk (:My favorite thing I learned. Not bad, but not my favorite thing. Then what else? We had a car club lunch and then us, there was a Santa flirted with me a lot. So that's what I got.
Bitch (:Sounds kind of a dirt bag.
Jerk (:Sometimes Santa's a little naughty himself. That's what I'll go with. Ah.
Bitch (:Maybe, maybe it's his double life that's getting to him.
Jerk (:Maybe so. How about you? What do you got going?
Bitch (:Okay.
Bitch (:I really I couldn't think of anything. I don't really it was like, um, see there's like new nailed it I'm not a huge weird not a huge fan of because like they're teaching them stuff. I just want to see people kind of failing things
Jerk (:Hmm. Yeah, sometimes that's more fun. Yeah. Uh, yeah. So tell us about this episode.
Bitch (:Yeah. So this first aired May 11th, 2012 and was directed by a guy, Norman B. It was written by Andrew Dabb and Daniel Loughlin.
Jerk (:Well, a recap shows us a lot of flashes. We get flashes of Crowley. So we're excited that we might be getting Crowley back. I knew, I know Liz would be happy about that. They talk about the prison full of monsters where they, that, that cast blew up. And they talk about Dick Roman and his archeological digs. We get a quick clash of Frank. We get a lot of Bobby. We get a little bit of the word and Kevin Tran. We get, talk about some, how to kill Leviathans. And we're going to have some Edgar.
So this recap did a really good job telling us kind of a guiding us into this episode. They all kind of do, but this one really shows us what we're getting. And we kick off with a newscast with Gloria Jane on her financial news, talking agriculture with Dick Roman and his acquisition of Sucra Corp. For their high fruit, coast corn syrup. And, you know, he's a.
talking about how he wants to, you know, talking about how they want to make these products for Americans and blah, blah. And the go-getters living longer and tasting better. And she tries to correct him about, you mean the food tasting better? Which is pretty funny. And he just nods. I was like, uh-oh. All right. But it was a funny, well-written little nod scene. I appreciated that.
And we get our return of our favorite assistant Leviathan Susan, who gives him, gives Dick the tablet that has the word. And he informs her that he wants to eat Gloria Barbecue.
Bitch (:by Guy Fieri.
Jerk (:Yes. I love Guy Fieri. So we've got Dick's going to meet with Kevin, who is all taped up because we knew this was happening at the end of the last episode, right? Because Edgar showed up to Kevin Tran's house when he got returned. So he's Dick wants Kevin to translate the tablet, just like Kevin did for Sam and Dean. Kevin is like, oh, hell no. He's not that firm. He's like, no, please don't make me.
And then Dick's like, here's your recommendation letter to Princeton. Which is probably quite enticing for poor Kevin. Then, but he still says no. And then he's like, no, we're just going to put this video on of your mom getting threatened with a knife. Things that'll do it. Things that'll do it. So, of course, of course, Kevin's going to do the translation.
Jerk (:In the meantime, Sam and Dean are still at the cabin. They're reading over the notes that Kevin left for them, the transcription of the word. And Dean says that he's read this more times than the Playboy he found in Dad's duffel bag. Which Playboy was it?
Bitch (:I was in a nickel.
Jerk (:Anna Nicole. Anna Nicole. And both of them appreciate Anna Nicole. As you do. As you do. One of the lines though, from the translation that we didn't hear last time was cut off the head and the body will flounder. So they are assuming that the head is Dick Roman because he is the head of the Leviathan. So
Bitch (:and that his head turns into a flounder.
Jerk (:Wasn't that a character in Little Mermaid?
Bitch (:I think so. His house is going to turn into a fish.
Jerk (:Okay, that sounds fun. Then maybe Guy Fieri can grill that next.
Bitch (:Eh.
Probably.
Jerk (:So they want to focus on making this weapon so they can to use on Dick specifically. But Sam's like got a lot of questions, which is kind of reasonable. He's like, so what the fuck happened if we go kill Dick? What happens to all the Leviathan? So are all these people dead? Did Leviathan all just drop dead? They just not have a leader like WTF and he doesn't really expound on all those thoughts. That just I'm assuming that's where he's going with this. And but Dean's like, Nope, doesn't matter.
We're not going to get the info from God, so we just got to go for it. Which sounds, this is very much a very Sam and Dean conversation. Dean's ready to go and guns blazing, Sam's like, well, what are the ramifications of this decision, sir? So Bobby's there hanging in the bathroom with Dean. And, and.
says and is visible in it again and tells him that he's been thinking about the weapon. And Dean's kind of like, you don't look so good, right? You should rest a little bit. But Bobby's like, I'm a ghost. What do you expect? I'm not supposed to look good. So, but he's talking about the bloods of the fallen. So we know we need to find three bloods of the fallen. They got one from the fallen angel from Castiel already. And they're talking about which human bone they need, which has to be a human. And Bobby's determined that there needs to be a human that is light as
light and good as the Leviathans are dark. And then for the three bloods, he thinks the other blood they need is Crowley and then they need the blood of an alpha. But all the alphas are supposed to be dead because Cas-Tel whamm-oed them after they were all in the Prison of Monsters. But Bobby's like, well, why don't you ask Crowley? Maybe he knows something you don't.
Jerk (:Bobby gets real mad because Dean's kind of hesitant and stresses and then mirror breaks. So we can see Bobby getting angry as a ghost, which is not good. This is how you get vengeful spirit levels.
Jerk (:But back in the other room, Sam is watching a sucre corp, sucre corp. That's harder to say than it seems. Sucre, sucre corp ad. And while Dean pours a whiskey and warns him that Bobby's hanging out in the bathroom, which is awkward. And Sam's like a BT dub. Dick Roman just bought sucre corp and it's high fruit coast corn syrup, which is in everything. And they go down the list and they affirm that high fruit coast corn syrup is.
Bitch (:Succulent.
Jerk (:definitely in pie, which is devastating information for Dean.
Bitch (:Yep. But it's not necessarily in pi. You can make pi without high fructose corn syrup.
Jerk (:That is true, but most store-bought pie is going to have hard-cooked crust corn syrup in it.
Bitch (:Yeah, if you're gonna buy it, like in store, and that's what I still get, just like make your own pie, Dean.
Jerk (:If he's such a pie enthusiast, he should be able to make a pie.
Bitch (:If you're a pie enthusiast, you can make it yourself. I mean, it's gonna be hard. Like you may have to grind your own sugar and shit. Like I don't know how far down they're going, but you could do it.
Jerk (:It is.
Jerk (:Yeah, yeah, it's doable. Absolutely. So, well, there are so the plans the discussion is what do we do to stop high fructose corn syrup and Sam's basically like other than going al Qaeda on their trucks and their plants. So Dean seems to contemplate briefly but decides to share Bobby's idea of summoning Crowley. So they do. Yay Crowley.
And back at Dick's office, Kevin is finishing transcribing the tablet, this time on a computer instead of handwritten. And apparently he's definitely going to get into Princeton and his mom is freed.
Bitch (:I think this is a weird thing. Like, why didn't they double her?
Jerk (:Double the mom.
Bitch (:I think that would make more sense than just letting her go. Like, you basically just held a woman hostage. Like, this scene is, like, not something Leviathan would do.
Jerk (:And it's questionable. It seems weird and then the let her go, just stress the consequences of telling. It was kind of like, I don't know how.
Bitch (:I feel like they're risk averse.
Bitch (:Yeah, that's not how they roll. They would just kill her, either kill her or make her a double. They wouldn't just be like, don't you tell anybody if you do.
Jerk (:This is our little secret. What the fuck? Yeah, no, it does seem it does not seem Leviathan-y unless they knew that this is the only way that they could get Kevin to work with them. And if they feel that confident in how far along they are in their plan, maybe. Maybe. I don't know. I thought it was a little weird, too. So in the meantime, we've got back at the cabin.
Bitch (:Mmm.
Jerk (:Crowley has been filled in on where they're at and what they know. Crowley does wanna know who translated but they ain't gonna tell. They just wanna know if he'll give some of their blood or his blood to them. And Crowley's like, yeah, sure, happily, but not until you have everything else that you need because my blood's too useful. I want it to be the last ingredient.
Fairly practical, even though it's annoying. But.
Bitch (:I mean, it makes sense to me, yet I have something to bargain with.
Jerk (:Yeah, for sure. And Dean does lie to him about having angel blood. But Crowley does spill that there might still be an alpha out there, which is good news. And he decides to poof out and leaves the table on fire, burning Hoople, North Dakota on the table. Hoople, which is a fun word.
Jerk (:And we see their current vehicle that our Winchester brothers are traveling in is a 1969 Plymouth Roadrunner. Pretty fun. And when they're pumping gas, Sam and Sam tells Dean to stash the flask in the car so they can go talk about Bobby. And they're talking about how he's been kind of angry and that there's not any really signs of fatigue. He actually seems to be getting stronger, which means he's getting closer to vengeful. So Sam is very concerned about this.
And apparently there was a period where Sam kind of like, we kind of get implied backstory that they've been talking about this that we didn't really see. Is that, you know, they're talking like, Dean's like, well, I thought you thought this was all gonna work with the three of us, blah, and Sam's like, yeah, but now I don't. He's getting strong and he's getting fricking vengeful. That doesn't work then. And so, you know, and then you just turn into a poltergeist until a hunter comes along. Because when they get vengeful, they turn into pure hatred with no humanity, they kill people, possess people, and more.
So while they're in the store, they start to realize though, that all of these people have been Leviathaned, I don't know, what up, turduckened, whatever you wanna call it. These people are moving slow and, it's lack of a better word, dumb. Like, I mean, I will say that when I put the mustard on my corn dog at the State Fair of Texas,
I am quite particular about it and I do it in a very deliberate manner. But the gentleman putting mustard on his hot dog in this grocery, in this convenience store was very slowly focused on this and it was not precise application.
Bitch (:And one of the guys staring at the rack of chips is actually the writer. Yep.
Jerk (:That's funny. I like that. So this is when they realize that these are all like the turducken people they are zoned the fuck out. Dean has to acknowledge once again that the pie has corn syrup in it and yes, the pre packaged pie from the convenience store most definitely has high fruit coast corn syrup in it. I'm just gonna say I mean, I could be proven wrong in an off chance scenario, but I'm gonna I'm gonna go out on a limb.
Bitch (:I would say please prove me wrong or prove, send me the pie that doesn't have it in it, just send it to me. I'll check it with my mouth.
Jerk (:Yeah.
Yes. Yes, please. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Check it with my mouth. So so Sam has a basket full of bananas and water, and Dean is very sad about it.
after he learns that technically by definition high fruit coast corn syrup is natural so things being natural doesn't mean that it doesn't.
Jerk (:So they are now going to stake out this house. And Bobby's like, I can scout it for you and poofs out on his own. Goes and checks out the house and poofs right back. He's like, yeah, it's clear, but there's something you're gonna want to see.
Bitch (:And they're mad about this, but I'm kind of like, he's a ghost. Like you use his ghostliness. Like what the fuck is wrong with you?
Jerk (:Yeah, use them. Use your resources. I literally have had this conversation in my place of work recently. Use your resources. No, we have to be we just have a raccoon. No, just the raccoon. But I wish I mean, there are hold on. To be clear, there's definitely ghosts here, too. There's definitely ghosts in my buildings, too. But either way, this time, it was just the raccoon. But no, I common thing I say use your resources.
Bitch (:With your ghost.
Was it with the raccoon?
Bitch (:Did you tell the raccoon to use his resources?
Bitch (:Use your resources. You find the tiny hat to film that raccoon right now.
Jerk (:Like it, like it, like it.
Jerk (:I definitely shared my long term plan of getting a saddle for Kevin for the raccoon to ride.
Jerk (:That's that's dreams. Dreams. Sorry. Yes. Would be weird.
Bitch (:Kevin the dog, not Kevin Tramp. Okay, so, all right, so where were we? All right, so they got their bananas and they're going on a stakeout. And so Bobby has got inside, yeah.
Jerk (:And he comes back out and says, you want to see this. So inside, we've got a long conference table with a line, with lined up with dead vampire bodies with weird. Like grossness around their mouths. It looks like infection. Right.
Bitch (:There you go.
Bitch (:I don't, I'm just, I don't know what to call it besides either leg. It's a vampire STI, but okay. But anyways, but they ate something bad. They ate something bad.
Jerk (:It looks so-
It's gross.
It's yeah, it looks really gross around their mouths. Very unpleasant.
Jerk (:And they're confused because they're like, what would kill the vampires like this? We've never seen anything like this before, but they can tell this wall is fake. And so Bobby's just going to zap right in and sees this chick there. Sam has managed, but of course, finally Sam and Dean managed to find the button to open the wall, which is pretty cool. And there is a, I know everybody wants a hidden wall.
Bitch (:so jealous.
My friend's house, like I was at Saturday, she's they've they built the hidden wall into one of theirs is very jealous of it. But case it was pushing
Jerk (:I wanted to do that with something, but yeah. So she's like, obviously an adult, but is dressed and she's like, she's eight. She's like, well, no, she's, if you do the math, she's 20 later on. They share it.
Bitch (:Is she an adult? I don't know. She looks like a teenager. She looks like a, like a Dean. Oh, okay. I was thinking she was like 16.
Jerk (:his 20.
Bitch (:Okay, let's just see, weirder.
Jerk (:Yeah, so she like looks like an adult female, but dresses, body language and her room are all very, very juvenile. It's creepy. And yeah, very childlike and acting really scared. So they get her to sit and talk and someone made tea? I don't fucking know. Anyways.
Bitch (:So, thanks.
Jerk (:And she explains that when she was eight years old, her mom left her at a playground to go to the store and a man approached her and told her she was the prettiest thing there. And she's been living with these things ever since.
Bitch (:and she's one of his special girls.
Jerk (:And she gets washed and given IV bags every day. So that's her only food. So her blood is pure because virgins are a delicacy.
Bitch (:How does she like, how was her arm not all full of track marks and shit? You can't do that for as long as this and like.
Jerk (:years. That's true. I don't know. Maybe she has a pick line at this point.
Bitch (:But even then like that would be gross like I don't know you can't have one for that long. Can you I don't know Something are you some of your pictures? How long can you pick line for? so anyways, this whole thing is just disgusting and gross and
Jerk (:Who knows?
Jerk (:Yeah, and she's just very matter of fact, virgins are delicacy. He always has one on hand. And she really just wants to get back to her mother that she hasn't seen for 12 years. See, there's your 28 and 12.
Jerk (:Weird. So there we go. Dean wants to know if she knows shit about these dead vampires. And she's like, no, they just took care of Alpha when he's there. But they returned from an easy hunt recently. The humans didn't even put up a fight and then whatever they whoever ate that immediately died immediately. And then there's one who didn't has now switched to animals and is out hunting right this minute. So they're trying to figure out how feeding on humans is now killing vampires. That is the new question.
And she doesn't know where the alpha is though, but something's wrong. He doesn't retreat. And she plays like she's very confused at the sight of a cell phone. I say plays at because I feel like we learn more about her later on.
Bitch (:But even then it's just a weird thing. And then Dean's just like, Oh, how pretty girl, huh? You, I believe everything you say. This is Sam's deuce tracker.
Jerk (:Mm-hmm.
Jerk (:And then we kind of end, we kind of break for a second. Then we show our vamp that now are now vegetarian vamp or whatever you call the guys that eat animals show back up. And he's very concerned that. I'm sorry.
Emily is her name, by the way, that her door is open. And they never really say her name, kind of until all of a sudden they just say it. It's just poorly introduced. Anyways, but who's waiting?
Bitch (:The employees had a conversation somewhere and learned her name was in the
Jerk (:Yes. So, but when this vampire shows up, Emily's room is open and it's not supposed to be. She's gone. No one else is there alive. And then Edgar shows up looking for the boss and vampire tries to attack him and Edgar is stronger and turns into the vampire and kills the vampire.
Bitch (:Yeah. And so I think at this point, you know, we, we've had Leviathan versus.
So this was Leviathan versus vampire. And then we had Leviathan versus angel. So it was kind of like rock, paper, scissors. So Leviathan beats angel, Leviathan beats vampire. But what about like, who slays the most with their words? So I'm gonna give you a quote and you are going to have to tell me.
Jerk (:Yeah.
Jerk (:Ooh, that is the question.
Bitch (:what supernatural monster said it. So like, was it a vampire? Was it an alpha vampire? Was it a witch? Was it, and I'm only like, there's only a few of these that we're just picking from like the main ones. So if you need more hints, I can narrow them down, but.
Jerk (:got in.
Bitch (:All right. Okay. So your first one. All right. When your kind first huddled around the fire, I was the thing in the dark. Now you think you can hurt me? I have all night boys. Anyways, I'm happy to tell you whatever you want to know. Why? Because soon I'll be ankle deep in your blood sucking the marrow from your bones. Now what insult was that?
I guess who said that? What kind of monster?
Jerk (:That was a vamp.
Bitch (:It was a van.
Technically, he was an alpha vampire.
Jerk (:Alpha vamp.
Bitch (:So, I mean, you can bonus it if you can remember like when it was from.
Jerk (:I believe that was when they were visiting him in the prison of monsters and talking to him, but I could be wrong.
Bitch (:Yeah, it was from Family Matters, season six, episode seven. I think you got it. I think you could give yourself a bonus point for that one.
Bitch (:All right, so this next insult. And so, so I was sick to glue away with the term insult. It's my game. I can do what I want. All right. So, you know, you can't trust them, right? You know, Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other. Right?
Jerk (:I'm gonna go with.
Jerk (:I'm gonna go with an angel.
Bitch (:That was an angel. All right, for a bonus point, can you remember what angel?
Jerk (:I cannot.
Bitch (:That was Zachariah. That was from season five, episode 18. Definitely a Zachariah type one.
Jerk (:Yeah, it is. All right.
Bitch (:All right, so this well, well scripted line, plain old people taste fine, but everything is better with cheese.
Jerk (:Oh, it's Leviathan.
Bitch (:It was. Bonus point, can you remember which one?
Jerk (:God.
Uh, chat?
Bitch (:It was, it was Chut. You kind of love Chut, miss Chut. He's kind of, I feel like he's kind of like the Leviathan. Okay. All right. So, uh, this line, I'm sorry. I know you're speaking. I see your lips moving, but I can't understand what you're saying. Cause I don't speak little bitch.
Jerk (:I mean, that's a critical line.
Jerk (:Shit. That was a good one.
Jerk (:It was a monster, right?
Bitch (:Wasn't mom. Well, you're supposed to pick the monster.
Jerk (:And it was like it was something not I know. I was like, I'm trying to think. I can't remember. I want to say it was I want to say I know the line. I can't place it at all.
Jerk (:That was so good. Was it, was it a demon?
Bitch (:Yes, it was a demon and it was also from season six. It was from episode 10 cage T and, uh, that was, they were outside, like, you're going into the demon, uh, demon jail, not jail, but the, the jail for the office, whatever we call it, I think so. Asylum, whatever. So, okay. The, the last, your last monster. Are you ready?
Jerk (:Okay.
Jerk (:Yeah. Prison of Monsters.
Bitch (:But the best hunt is human. Oh, there's nothing like it. Holding their life in your hands, seeing the fear in their eyes just before they go dark makes you feel powerful alive. What monster is that?
Jerk (:I'm gonna guess Leviathan I don't know
Bitch (:It's human, the worst monster of all! It was Paw Bender from season one of The Benders! AHHHHH!
Jerk (:Trick question!
Jerk (:That's right. Awful. Yay!
Bitch (:Dun, dun, dun. I love a game with a twist.
Jerk (:Yeah. So which, so which monster slays with their words? Slay all day. We're in that. See? Making it Christmasy. Sure.
Bitch (:Happy holidays!
Bitch (:get. They slay all day. They could be in a sleigh, riding in a sleigh. Look at us. They're so festive.
Bitch (:Honestly, like I was planning in wearing my Christmas shirt next weekend because I forgot that Christmas was Monday. So It's okay time doesn't exist. It's a thing that humans invented
Jerk (:I had to pick, I, I poorly, I had a whole plan of how I was going to wear a Christmas shirt to work each day this week. And then I realized that I got off schedule and I'm working remote one day. So it didn't work out. That's okay. You know, you know.
Bitch (:All right. So back to what Edgar, our Leviathan has learned is that the alpha is in Bozula.
Jerk (:Yeah. So we've got Sam and Dean leaving the grocery store, Sam with a large basket or bag full of fruits and vegetables. And Dean is very sad about this. Very, very sad. And they see a very zoned out dude drinking a slushy mushy, which basically is like an ice year of slurpee, whatever you want to call it, sitting at a park bench.
And they have discovered, you know, figured out that obviously the Levi's Leviathan.
Jerk (:stuff that's in the food is poisoned vampires. So they're going to go ask this guy to take a bunch of his blood. And this guy is super fucking out of it. So they take a bunch of his blood and he don't really care.
Bitch (:Well, I don't know if it's what's it's once the secret core once a secret coast, because it's probably secret coasts or whatever once the secret is in ingested by a person and then it's in the person's blood, then the person's blood becomes poisoned to the vampire.
Jerk (:Yeah.
Jerk (:Correct, yeah, so it makes human blood that has the sucralose or whatever the fuck it is. I don't know. Sucrotein. Sucr stuff. Sucronecronomicon.
Bitch (:Secret Team.
Bitch (:Sukunekamikon. It was.
Bitch (:Uh, so anyways, they decide that this guy, uh, poor, poor dude in his, uh, plucky, his, his magic plucking, penny whistles t-shirts.
Jerk (:Oh my gosh. Yeah. They're gonna take a bunch of his blood. They just do. And he's just like, oh, this is for Hurricane Katrina, right? It's just really like, oh, weird.
Bitch (:it
Bitch (:At least they're finally like they're just using a you know a hypodermic and not just an unsanitary knife Which I was pleasantly surprised with it was like okay. Thank you for at least just like
Jerk (:That is true.
Jerk (:Yeah. So they decide though, they're going to get back on the road. And Sam's like, B2W, Bobby's got to hang back when we get to our destination. We need to keep him off the front lines so he can keep calm.
Bitch (:Oh, I forgot. I had a good line in my notes here though. So while they're, while they're taking the blood from the guy, a sheriff whoops his siren, but he is just making the sound of the police. So why can't we be friends? That's the sound of the police. But it was, why can't we?
Jerk (:yes I appreciate
Why can't we be friends? Why can't we? Yeah. Um, yeah. So we've got Sam and Dean with Emily and Bobby that she can't see are driving, um, at night now and she's trying to like give them directions to it's, she's trying to give them directions on where to go. I don't know why they're driving if they don't know what she should even know which direction to go. All she knows it's somewhere six to seven hours.
Bitch (:This is so stupid.
Bitch (:So they just like, they just pictured, they just pictured and they were just like, okay, this is how they, this was their supernatural math. So we just picked up, we started driving. We have determined that you drove all night, you were there before dawn, but you heard about, so it had to be within 300 miles because you were going 45 miles an hour because you were on the back roads. And then, so that means you could only be in a 300 mile radius.
doesn't matter what radius, but wait, you heard bells and you heard bells before dawn. So that means it can't be a church. It has to be a monastery. And so now I'm going to Google a monastery of my flip phone while I'm driving the middle of nowhere and find that there's a monastery within 300 mile radius of where we are. And remember they were in Hubel.
Jerk (:This is all nonsense. This whole thing is nonsense. But either way, they pull up in Missoula and this is, yep, this is where we were. Yeah.
Bitch (:I mean, this shit could have been in Canada. 300 miles, I'm not gonna go to geography, but I'm pretty sure that 300 miles from Hoople is Canada.
Jerk (:North, North Dakota. Yeah. So there we go. And she's like, yeah, this is the place. Ta-da. And so they're like, cool. We're gonna take you to a hotel so you can be safe and then we're gonna go back.
Bitch (:What? This is so dumb. Like, eh.
Bitch (:What?
Jerk (:Yeah.
Bitch (:Okay.
Jerk (:And they check into a very buffalo-y themed motel room.
Bitch (:And yeah, I do appreciate the quote.
Jerk (:And Harvey Levin, I've got old TMZ is on. I like TMZ, I like Harvey. And she's watching and while Sam and Dean pack up a bunch of weapons and the vamp poison and she wants to know what a Kardashian is. Dean tells her just another bloodsucker and she acts really, really scared. And he's like, sorry, bad joke.
Bitch (:It should be. No, she should be.
Jerk (:So Sam decides though here, here's a phone number to Jordan that he says. Jody, I was very confused, Jody. And they're like, I was so confused. And he's like, I were around it and I still heard Jordan. I was like, what? And he said, this is in case we don't come back. She'll take care of you. And because they want to keep Bobby behind, they lock the flask in the hotel room safe.
Bitch (:No, it's Jodie Mills.
Jerk (:which you've got to know this isn't going to go well anyways. There's like no conversation. They just lock him up. Like I get they can't talk to the ghost while she's there. That's awkward. But I feel like there's like a way to convey to him like, Hey, here's the plan. Nothing personal. At least he'd still be pissed, but.
Bitch (:He would still be ordering whatever, but like, it'd be like, Oh, now I'm putting this flask in the safe because it's for whatever. But so they do that. And, but as soon as they like, so Bobby's just not happy and he's slamming shit.
Jerk (:Yeah, which is not a great sign once again. And in the meantime, then we got Emily, she's hanging out and she can't see Bobby who's in the room. And she just fucking pulls out a cell phone. Oh, I guess she knew what that was. Burns the emergency phone number and makes a phone call and says, Hi daddy, I'm close by and sending you a present and walks out of the room.
Yeah. All the while Dick is on TV once again with Gloria talking about Super Corp. And she says, what makes Dick so hard to beat?
Bitch (:They're getting away with a lot. So after that, but Bobby is just getting even more mad watching this.
Jerk (:Oh
Jerk (:Oh yeah, so mad. So mad, cause now he's trapped there and now he's extra pissed. And fucking Emily's out, right? But Sam and Dean are now over outside the building that Emily identified and they just, it's daytime. So they're like, oh, the vampires must be sleeping, yay. And Sam's like, maybe we shouldn't go in guns blazing. Maybe we should try to like go in like.
diplomatic because Alpha can take out a whole lot of fucking hunters. We learned that before. And so they kind of like sneak up to the door and it's slightly a jar. Dean said, stupid, because he does not like this plan. So Dean Sam pushes the door open a little bit and gets grabbed right away by a vamp.
Bitch (:I mean either way like guns blazing or not you still would have gotten grabbed by a vamp so whatever so
Jerk (:Uh, back in the motel room, Dick's still on TV. Bobby's trying to crack the safe and he gets real fucking mad and everything in the room starts like breaking and flying around. The fire's flaring up. He is pissed. And because of all this noise, the maid enters cause she's like, is everything okay? And he decides to appear to her and say he needs her help. And she is freaked out. Rightfully so. And he's like, no, I need out. And he shoves her.
She falls, sits up, wipes some weird gray tears away, which is not good. And you hear her say, I just need you a little while. Bobby just possessed this poor maid.
Bitch (:Yeah.
Bitch (:I know, without our consent. It's just not nice. It's not a nice thing to do, Bobby.
Jerk (:And he goes in uses her to get the flask out of the safe. Hmm. Well, back in the monastery vamp house, whatever the fuck. And we've got. There you go. I don't know. We got Sam and Dean are dragged into the banquet hall, which is really kind of a rad room, right?
Bitch (:I just called it the Alpha House. But I guess, yeah, I guess it is a Montessori.
That's pretty cool.
Bitch (:I bet they have like really good beer there. Probably good cheese. I won't stay there.
Jerk (:Oh, that's true. Yeah, but vampires wouldn't appreciate any of those things. What a fucking waste. Chet would. Chet would appreciate it. Cheese. Yes, please. Oh, we've got our alpha vampire sitting at the end of our very long fancy table. And he's intrigued by the Winchesters being there. And I love the alpha vampire. I know we've discussed this.
Bitch (:Or they, but also they wouldn't eat it. Chat wouldn't like it.
I'm going to go ahead and turn it off.
Bitch (:He's really, really good. He's just really cool. Except for the whole pedophile thing, which is less cool. That's less cool. Who does?
Jerk (:so cool well that's not creepy that does that puts a damper on it
and Emily just strolls right in because they don't even know that she's not in the motel room. So they're very shocked to see her just stroll right in and go stand by the alpha. So Dean's calling her out on being a hell of an actress and she should get a trophy in Stockholm Syndrome. And she's like, I just didn't want you to hurt my daddy.
Jerk (:Oh, but Sam's like, no, I just want to talk. And Alpha's like, obviously you want to talk. We've already like taken all your weapons. And obviously last year you captured me, tortured me and sold me to the king of hell. So and he's like, technically that was our grandpa. No one is amused. But it was true. It's true.
Bitch (:Yep. Oh yeah. I should have done the game here because then he also says that he's going to peel off their faces and drink you slowly, which is also a very good insult. We will chalk another one up to him. Like he just, he, he has so many good ones.
Jerk (:He does say that. It is.
Jerk (:He does. He does. And Sam's like, no, honestly, you need us to we know what the plague is. It's killing your peeps. It's the Leviathan's. They're poisoning your food supply. And I was like, bullshit, I'm on good terms with Dick. I did. You know, I he didn't mention any of this when we met before. And he was just going to make it make grabbing a snack easier than ever.
And Sam's like, but wait, aren't your children, you think your children are dying by accident? Come on, you're burning from the inside out and we can stop, Dick, we just need your blood. Vamph is like, eh, what's gonna present, I thought you wanted to exterminate Vamps, what are you fucking talking about? Dean's like, I don't wanna stop y'all being exterminated, but it beats going down with you. Then we get another child entering the scene.
Jerk (:There's not really a reason. Like, little Alan is a small, choice young boy.
Bitch (:Why is his kid there? What the fuck? Why is Alan running messages for him? Like, I don't under- okay, whatever Alan, like-
Jerk (:Yeah. And he just announces that Edgar's there and he's, and Dean's like, this is not, obviously this isn't a coincidence. We need soap, cleanser, borax and knives and da da. And Alpha's like, no, I'm just going to send you to the parlor. It's totally cool. I don't live this long by jumping to conclusions. So.
Bitch (:But I also think it's fair. I mean, like, if I live, once you live for a long time, you're kind of like, we've got time to listen to this. Like, I'm an alpha vampire. Like, what the fuck? Like, we can sort this out.
Jerk (:Yeah, I hear it out. I'm going to figure this out. Yeah. And so they get thrown in this parlor with a bunch of Ivy blood bags that are mostly empty. It's kind of weird room. It's not really like laid out in any way. And then these are kind of scattered about. It's very bizarre to me. But whatever. And so the alpha welcomes Edgar with a he's got champagne in a in a ice bucket. And once I know why he's there and Edgar's like, you know, I'm here. I can smell the Winchester's are here. Hmm.
Bitch (:What does a Winchester smell like?
Jerk (:And does that mean that the Leviathans have like a crazy strong sense of smell or something?
Bitch (:Well, probably. I mean, they've got like a lot of super senses. I think that, you know, that's why they're like such good fighters. Right. And why they tend to beat everything. Well, Leviathan Beats, Vampire Leviathan Beats.
Jerk (:True.
Jerk (:angel. Yeah.
Bitch (:Leviathan, you know, every even beasts their own dicks. All right, I can't.
Jerk (:So, Sam and Dean are trying to break out of this room with no luck and they're like, what if Edgar's here for the weapon too? And like Dean makes a reference to Pac-Man and True Blood in the same room. And I really liked that. I'm amused. But.
Bitch (:Yes, you'll tug on some things. Damn, I'm smacked to like beating off the dick again.
Jerk (:You gotta beat the dick. But they're like, wait, the alpha is not stupid, though. But so why the fuck did he lock us in here? And they're like, he's going to fucking that Edgar is going to eat the alpha and then they're not going to get any blood. That's bad. So they figure out to pick a lock with one of the needles. And Dean still has some what they've been calling vamp tonight, like vamp tonight in a syringe stash in his boot.
So back in the dining hall, whatever you want to call it, Alpha and Edgar are talking and they're like, Alpha's like, what do you want? You know, do you want Sam and Dean? I can have them sent out and you must know that they're there to tell me that the Leviathans are exterminating dams, very exterminating vamps, I can't even talk now. It must be a mistake.
Hmm. Well, Sam and Dean do end up having to kill a vampire while they're in the hallway, but they use the freaky vamp tonight. Shit. But the alpha is like, Hey, Edgar, did you know about the side effects of your additive in the food? And he's like, Oh, he's like, well, Dick warned you there could be kinks. And Alpha's like, Hmm, yeah. But people are kind of panicked and he was supposed to be in touch.
Bitch (:No.
Jerk (:And where is fixing this on your list? And Edgar replies, my friend, nowhere. We want you to burn like the little roaches you are.
Huh, that's not good.
Bitch (:And that's what Leviathan think of them. And, but they're also poisoning all the wolves, all the shifters and anything that eats humans. So like we only saw the human trials, like we didn't get to see like the werewolf trials. You know those had.
Jerk (:out.
Bitch (:Now there should be a whole side. I'm not saying I want to see where it was experimented on, but they're like, they had, they had to have had like a lab and they had shifters and, and ghouls and all the other things. And it's like, what happens when they eat?
Jerk (:No, but...
Jerk (:Right.
Jerk (:I don't know. That's fascinating. The ghouls especially sounds fascinating. Huh? I don't know. And Alpha's pissed though. He's like, Dick said, if I kept my if I kept quiet, I would get my reward. And he's Edgar's like, yeah, you get to lay down and die. This, you know, this kills everything. Mankind is a limited resource. I was like, there's seven billion vampires. Seven billion vampires? That's a fuck ton of vampires.
Bitch (:People, people, there's only seven billion people for them to eat and they're supposed to share us. And then he, and that's why the vampire is like, dude, you've got some, you've got seven billion people. Like you don't need to take all the, you know, all the chicken nuggets for yourself. And the Edgar's like, there's only seven billion people. We eat a lot. We're really hungry.
Jerk (:Oh.
Jerk (:Well, Emily screams, Alpha gets real proud about being the son of Eve. And Edgar just calls him a pathetic mutt and calls. It says your mommy was a whore. Which is not nice.
Bitch (:I don't like the use of words mommy and daddy in this. I would like them to be stricken from this episode, please.
Jerk (:Oh, well, they're about to have like, like a little squabble, but the alpha was paying attention to Sam and Dean because he grabs the, the ice bucket that the champs was chilling in. And it's not an ice bucket. It's full of fucking borax that he throws at Edgar's face. Smart fucking alpha. I love this. Brilliant. Made me so happy. Uh, but Edgar recovers too quick and it's, it's.
Bitch (:smart.
Jerk (:He's going to try to get all the alpha blood. He says it. And he's all Leviathan out. But right then, Dean enters or they're going to fight. But then Sam enters and he beheads Edgar. And we know that beheading is fine for short term, but it doesn't last. It's the short term slowdown for them. And so Dean's like, well, the alpha is kind of like down on the ground. Dean's like, grab a glass for juice in this freak. So it's probably like when they were trying to be kind of diplomat, it's just.
not to write a
Bitch (:No.
Jerk (:Not a nice way to handle this. And Emily's gonna try to stop them. And then of course, Alpha recovers and chunks Dean across the room. And he's like, and tells them like, look, Emily's been through enough. Oh, so now we're protective of her? The girl you kidnapped from the playground? It's very weird.
Bitch (:Yeah.
Jerk (:I know you don't like it. You know that I'm happy about it. It's just weird. And.
Bitch (:It's disgusting! The implications are real bad! They are very, very bad! You don't know that! It is... Okay, yeah, I guess it's true, but... I don't know. It's still not pleasant. I don't like this interaction between them at all. It's not good. Anyways, so...
Jerk (:Well, he doesn't say, but he's not banging her.
Jerk (:Because she wouldn't be a virgin then!
Jerk (:It's so creepy.
Jerk (:It's very creepy. But he agrees. He's like, look, do you want to have a way Sam calls him out for taking her from the park and Alpha's like, do you want to have that fight or you want my blood? I'll give you my fucking blood. Here you go. Take the fucking blood. Take it and then.
Bitch (:No, no, no
Jerk (:my giant fingernail cutting into my wrist.
Bitch (:That was okay. I thought the knife was unsanitary. We have, we have surpassed the unsanitary knife in the Palm to the, I'm using my, why is my first, I was like, like they're pointy. He's always a clause, but like, they're very man, like they were manicured. They were just manicured to a point. I don't know, but like, again, how does he, I guess, again, this is a vampire go to the bathroom. I don't know.
Jerk (:His claws, he's always had claws.
Jerk (:They're very talent like.
Jerk (:I mean, I don't know. I've seen those bitches that get the crazy. But have you seen those bitches with the crazy nails? They go to the bathroom.
Bitch (:How does he go to the bathroom? Exactly, it's the same thing with the crazy nails. I know, it's not easy. How does, does it, anyways. Yeah, if a vampire poops. We still don't know if a vampire poops.
Jerk (:Hopefully they have a good day.
Jerk (:But does do vampires poop?
I mean, they're on a liquid diet, so I don't know.
Bitch (:I don't know.
Bitch (:So anyways, okay, I'm trying to my brain isn't the same place that we can talk about right now Alright, so the gross man grows as I was gonna say gross man grows Okay, so he is he is opened up his blood with his fingernail into a crystal chalice Which is I don't know how which is nice was like how do you expect them to transfer this like give him the time for where?
Jerk (:Hmm.
Jerk (:Yeah, very nice crystal coupe glass. It looks like it's very pretty. I would like to spill that. I don't even like drinking out of those glasses. It's so difficult. Do vampires have Tupperware? That's another question.
Bitch (:Or like at least bring out, or at least bring out like a Yeti, you know, like a lid on it.
Jerk (:Something with a lid.
Some of them have an empty water bottle we can dump this in. Like, I don't know. So, and he basically said this is payment for taking care of Edgar and for that y'all need to fucking bounce.
Bitch (:Yeah.
Jerk (:But Sam can't, he's got to ask about little Alan because he's worried about this little boy. And.
Bitch (:Rightfully, like yeah, like why is this child here? What the fuck is up with Alan?
Jerk (:And they verify that it is the only kid. He's the only kid there right now. And alpha agrees to let Alan go with Sam and Dean and he calls them out for not thinking. Alpha calls them Sam and Dean out calls them out for not thanking him. Monologues about how he knows their skin is crawling about not killing him now and all this stuff. And Dean's like, yeah, pretty much.
But by the way, he does, Dean does give him a little tidbit to keep Edgar's head away because he knows that Edgar's.
But I love the closing line from our alpha. Says, See you next season.
Jerk (:Yay!
Bitch (:Yeah, that was a nice fourth wall breaking. It was cute.
Jerk (:Dean says, looking forward to it. I was very happy. All right, so back at the motel, Sam and Dean are walking down the hall. And apparently when they returned little Alan, his parents were convinced that they were the ones that had taken him. Also, they had to jump out of a window to escape, which I guess is kind of reasonable. Like, I don't know. Do you want to like? We have no idea. I mean, he was pretty comfortable.
Bitch (:But how long has Alan been gone? Right? Like, Alan has, yeah, Alan was there enough to be like, Hey, sir, like, there's Eggers at the door. Like, I know Eggers. Like, what the fuck? Alan's been there for a while.
Jerk (:Yeah. So at least a year because he met with. Well, and if they met with the Leviathan a year ago, so he's been there at least a year, I would guess. Right. I don't know.
Bitch (:I mean, so whatever, but yeah, you should have just like, you just, yeah, you just toss that kid out at the hospital like he's a heroin overdose or something. But anyways, okay, so, but now they also notice that their door to their room is open. So they whip him out.
Jerk (:Don't you just drop that kid at the police station? I don't know.
Jerk (:There you go, yeah.
Jerk (:And it's all smashed up. Yeah. And they're reached calling out to Bobby. But then they realized the safe is open. And his flask is gone and the EMF readings are fading. So Bobby's been gone for three to four hours. How long have they been gone? This did not seem that long. It's very confusing.
Bitch (:Well, it's also like, when did you have like, have you made this EMF math before? Is there a scientific paper on how long the, the half life of a ghost electromagnetic frequency is that you can tell like it's three to four hours.
Jerk (:Yaa-
Jerk (:I don't think that's a thing. No, making it up. He's making it up. Totally making it up. And Dean's upset. And they, you know, they still only aren't even, you know, he's upset because he feels like they do after Bobby, but they're also in the middle of trying to make this weapon. And Sam's like, no, we keep going with the weapon, man. That's the priority. We'll figure out the rest. And Dean's sad, he's talking about.
Bitch (:Jesus.
Jerk (:you know, between Bobby and Frank and Cass and, you know, just got Crowley and it just everything, you know, it just all comes down to Crowley now and this is just all like bad, all bad.
Bitch (:Blah blah.
Jerk (:And good old Dick has decided that he's gonna make moves himself and he's summoning Crowley. And has him trapped in a Devil's Trap.
Bitch (:But it's so cool and I want it. I want that in me, like, whatever that devil's trap ceiling is, like, it's this matte color and it's very appealing to the eye. And I want that, whatever the fuck it is.
Jerk (:the ceiling.
Jerk (:Mm-hmm.
Jerk (:I'm sure we can make one.
Bitch (:No, I don't think either of us have the money for that.
Jerk (:I mean, if we had unlimited resources, I'm sure we could make one.
Bitch (:Unlimited resources, maybe like that would be the top of my cult church The church stone there. Oh It'll just flash sigils. I don't know what sigils that's gonna flash but
Jerk (:Little flash schedules. Ah. Like dicks? Ah!
Bitch (:Probably all things that look like penises. Like, yeah, they're all gonna look like dicks. It's gonna be like little sigils, like you'll look at them, you'll be like, wait, what, is that a penis? Like, it's basically, it's not gonna be like, it's gonna be like hidden in there. Yeah, yeah. You're gonna be like, yeah.
Jerk (:That's a dick. Not overt. You're gonna have to do like the double take. That's a dick. There's a dick in that. That's true. I like it. Use them to ward them off.
Bitch (:Because it's don't do the church and don't be a dick. So, you know, like, yeah.
Bitch (:the anti-dick sigil. So you slap it, the dicks go away. You beat off the dicks.
Jerk (:Oh, you got to beat off the dicks. You got to.
Bitch (:And that is what will happen next week in our season finale. We will find out if the Dicks are beaten off. That will be the end, the ending of the episode, I think, or season. We'll determine that. Can that's what we'll find out. Can the Winchesters beat off the Dicks?
Jerk (:We're gonna beat off the dick.
Jerk (:Can the dicks be beaten off?
Bitch (:And we also have our, as a traditional, our season finale trivia. So it's always fun time. You can study if you want.
Jerk (:Oh, that's so stressful. Thanks for reminding me.
Jerk (:Sure. I'll remember to do that over the holiday. I know I should. Oh, man, we've got a little few casting folks to mention for us today. We got a little miss. Emily is played by Lacey J. Maile. She's been in episodes. Mm hmm.
Bitch (:I always tell you, you can study. Yeah. That's true. All right. Okay. Oh shit. Yeah. I forgot about that.
Bitch (:Okay, I want to know like how old she is.
Jerk (:Um, well, I'd have to do the math on when this was. L, A, C, I, middle initial J. And M, A, L, E, Y. Um, she's been in episodes of shows like Fairly Legal, Arrow, I, Zombie, and The Magicians. She was a recurring character named Jeannie in the series Falling Skies. Should we see her in three episodes of Supernatural actually? And she was, um, very recently in a Hallmark series.
Bitch (:So like, is it L-A-C-E-Y?
Bitch (:What was your last name?
Jerk (:As Jess O'Brien, the series is called Chesapeake Shores. She is in like 55 episodes.
Bitch (:She's 33 years old and her net worth is $900,000.
Jerk (:And so she was about, so 33 years old, if you say it's about what, 11 years ago. So she would have been right in her early 20s. So she was right there. She was, she was in her early, so she was early 20. So 20, she was 22 when she played a 20 year old. There we go. Louise is the name of our maid that gets possessed by Bobby and she is played by Larissa Gomez, G-O-M-E-S. Interesting spelling.
Bitch (:We were doing way too much math. This is far too much math. You know, the 2012 was the episode, you know.
Jerk (:side note, we'll see her again, it looks like. But we've got, she was in a handful of episodes of the old series, La Femme Nikita. She was a reporter in the film Resident Evil Apocalypse. She plays a character named Emily in both Saw 6 and Saw 3B. Then Gloria Jane, our reporter was played by Aliyah O'Brien.
Bitch (:They should reboot that one.
Jerk (:She's been in episodes of shows like Smallville. She plays an EMT in the film, If I Stay, has done a whole buttload of Hallmark movies. Then she played...
Bitch (:including ironically a buttload, buttload Christmas that was.
Jerk (:And then she's Regina in the Bates Motel, which is a reoccurring character, and Kayla in the DC Legends of Tomorrow series. It's an ongoing character as well. A reoccurring character. So, here we go.
Bitch (:Very cool. I always try to like that show.
Jerk (:I haven't watched it. I heard mixed things on it. I I'm deep in my end of season wrap ups of all the 90 day spin offs. So sorry for my garbage TV. But other than that, it's I mean, I'm in going to I've started. I'm in my holiday movie binge mode, so I've got to get all my regulars that I have to watch every year. But other than that, I've been watching some real fun, not Hallmark, but like your I call them Hallmark like movies for Christmas.
Bitch (:You in?
Bitch (:Yeah, well, I mean, I've got two days with my mom up and coming, although I'll probably just like have her do a Lucifer marathon because my mom likes Lucifer and she doesn't understand how Netflix is. And so like, I can make Netflix work for her and I'm like, we can watch like she's hadn't seen the all of it because she can only watch it when it's on because she doesn't and she doesn't remember how to record stuff anymore. So
Jerk (:and who doesn't.
Jerk (:And you're there, yeah.
Jerk (:Yeah, that'll be fun, though. Lucifer Marathon. Merry Christmas. I don't know. That's all I got. I actually enjoyed this episode a lot, other than some of the weird discrepancies, because I really like the alpha vamp. I don't know. That's the thing. I found the Emily character kind of interesting, as creepy as it was. And I do like that they're actually seeming to make progress. I like Crowley back.
Bitch (:Yeah.
Jerk (:But Dick is real fucking annoying and so is Edgar. And I'm ready for those to move on.
Bitch (:Yeah, Edgar can go and yeah, I do love Dick. You know, I mean, I know, like, he's just so hard to beat off, but it's, you know, it's just, you know, that he's just charismatic. Honestly, he really is. He's a fun character. He's just like a suit. He's a super, he's very quirk. He's very quippy. I enjoy a good quippy villain. So.
Jerk (:I mean, don't we all?
Jerk (:He is. He's a good villain.
Jerk (:True.
I just don't like a villain that feels unbeatable and the Leviathan almost like I feel like you just can't. I mean, I know they're not unbeatable, but they're very obviously very child. It's and I guess very frustrating. I don't like feeling. Hopeless.
Bitch (:How do you beat off the Leviathan? You just, I don't.
Bitch (:Like, I know, like, we just like beating them off and like, God, and she's there forever. And like, what do you have to think about? Like, like, what do I have to do?
Jerk (:Just beating him off. Just keep beating him off.
Jerk (:What's gonna get you there, baby? Oh my gosh.
Bitch (:Anyways, I don't know. So next week, as I preemptively got us there earlier, so next week will be season finale and I pretty much got us there. But I think we should just stop now.
Jerk (:prematurely.
Jerk (:Ahhhh! Mmmm
Bitch (:Anyways, so yeah, well, next week we will wrap this up and there'll be, I will be the end of the dick jokes. Probably not. Probably, probably not. Alright, cheers.
Jerk (:Maybe not.
Jerk (:Cheers, bitch.
