3:03 Bad Day at Black Rock
It's Supernatural Season 3, Episode 3: "Bad Day at Black Rock." This episode is not sponsored by HGTV, but they should produce our new shows, "Hunter Storage Wars" and "My Supernatural Lottery Dream Home." During lore, we delve into the original Bella - jewel thief Sonya, the Golden Hand of Russia!
Select Sources:
"Sonya Golden Hand: The Queen of Thieves." Factinate, 2024, www.factinate.com/people/sonya-golden-hand-facts/.
"Sonya the Golden Hand: Russia's Infamous Thief." Culture Trip, 2018, theculturetrip.com/europe/russia/articles/sonya-the-golden-hand-russias-infamous-thief/.
"The Story of Sonya Golden Hand." Russia Beyond, 2018, www.rbth.com/history/327977-sonya-golden-hand-story-of.
"What Became of the Three Daughters of Sonya Golden Hand." Global Domains News, 2021, www.globaldomainsnews.com/what-became-of-the-three-daughters-of-sonya-golden-hand.
Porat, Shira. "Sonya Golden Hand." Rejected Princesses, www.rejectedprincesses.com/princesses/sonya-golden-hand.
Transcript
There's no place to escape to.
Speaker B:This is the last tar on the.
Speaker A:Left side stories from your glaze.
Speaker A:That's when the cannibalism started.
Speaker A:Side stories.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And you feel how creepy it is in here.
Speaker A:That was scary, man.
Speaker B:You know what's creepy about it?
Speaker A:What?
Speaker B:I'm not wearing any underwear.
Speaker B:Is that weird to say just out loud?
Speaker B:Because I actually.
Speaker B:I ran out.
Speaker A:You ran out of underwear?
Speaker B:Yeah, man.
Speaker B:I've been really burning the candle at both ends.
Speaker A:I can get you some underwear, dude.
Speaker B:No, man.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:I got.
Speaker B:But I got whole right on denim right now.
Speaker B:I can feel it.
Speaker B:It feels like braille.
Speaker B:That's the creepiest of all.
Speaker C:No, you didn't do bathing suit.
Speaker C:You've done bathing suit in the past.
Speaker A:Bathing suit in the past.
Speaker B:It's kind of chilly here.
Speaker A:It is.
Speaker B:So I didn't want to wear my short shorts.
Speaker B:I needed some denim.
Speaker B:And I also have.
Speaker B:I didn't have underwear, but I did.
Speaker B:But I had to do yoga in the other pants.
Speaker A:So with no underwear, that's the scariest story you're gonna hear all day.
Speaker B:Hello, everyone.
Speaker A:Welcome to a super, super special episode of Side Stories.
Speaker A:Marcus has joined Henry and myself.
Speaker B:Yay.
Speaker B:Yeah, you fucker.
Speaker B:Now you're in our realm now, bro.
Speaker A:We got you now.
Speaker C:Happy to be here, man.
Speaker C:I feel like, again, this is fun.
Speaker C:I'm a guest on a show.
Speaker C:This is a real, real happy to be here, guys.
Speaker C:Thanks for having me on today.
Speaker B:And you're gonna get all the side stories swag that you could possibly handle.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Today we're actually doing bloody ring anal toss.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:So your asshole, if you don't mind bending over.
Speaker A:This is gonna be really, really nice.
Speaker A:And we'll show.
Speaker A:We'll throw onion rings towards the hole.
Speaker B:Also been working on the side stories.
Speaker B:Permanent condom, which is the condom you wear when you're not having sex.
Speaker C:Got it.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:There you go.
Speaker B:It keeps your dick tight because it's a one sweater.
Speaker B:Honestly, that is one of the biggest complaints I have about getting older is how much looser and longer my penis with age and gravity.
Speaker A:Yeah, it is kind of funny.
Speaker A:You used to go to the showers there at the ymca, you know, when you were a kid.
Speaker A:Look at all the old man dongs.
Speaker A:I perved on them, see, because I was the young boy and I was like, look at that dangler.
Speaker A:And I was wondering if it was gonna happen to us.
Speaker A:But I think it does slowly happen.
Speaker A:The ding dong does get longer, but it doesn't get stronger.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:It loses Foundation.
Speaker B:It's like building seven.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker B:It just slowly loses strength.
Speaker B:But today, fun episode.
Speaker B:We're back into it.
Speaker B:It's a macabre macarons.
Speaker A:Yes, indeed.
Speaker B:We're back into the creepy pasta.
Speaker B:And guess what, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker A:Gooey ganache.
Speaker B:When it comes in.
Speaker B:Yes, it is a gooey ganache.
Speaker B:That's dessert.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:No blood goo.
Speaker A:You need to watch your gutting.
Speaker C:Ganache is a kind of chocolate.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:It's a type of.
Speaker B:Well, a ganache can be.
Speaker B:Oh, I was thinking glaze.
Speaker B:Oh, I see.
Speaker A:That's good.
Speaker A:I was thinking gnocchi.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Knifey noki.
Speaker B:This is.
Speaker B:I'll tell you what.
Speaker B:And we haven't gotten better as hosts over the years.
Speaker B:No, I. I think this is number 14.
Speaker C:Is it somewhere on there?
Speaker B:Maybe 15?
Speaker C:Something like.
Speaker C:Last one was 14.
Speaker C:I think this is.
Speaker C:I think we're at the 15th annual Creepypasta Extravaganza.
Speaker B:And the creepypasta.
Speaker A:We sound like Ted Bundy trying to remember how many people he killed.
Speaker B:But creepypastas have not necessarily gotten better.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker B:But that's why we're gonna do something a little bit different this time.
Speaker B:And maybe there's a little bit more original works inside of this entire mechanism.
Speaker B:This year for creepypastas, what we're doing is we're gonna surprise each other by gifting each other creepypastas that the other person doesn't know the contents of yet.
Speaker B:And I don't think you guys have made it the minefield that I made mine.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker A:Who knows?
Speaker C:I don't think so at all.
Speaker C:I think I chose things that I thought you would enjoy reading or that it would be fun.
Speaker A:Yeah, we didn't do the Zabrowski.
Speaker A:Yeah, we didn't do the Zabrowski Christmas special where it's like, you give a gift that's like $15 gift certificate to weight loss, and then you're like, thank you, Mom.
Speaker A:This.
Speaker B:No, I've given you.
Speaker B:No, Marcus, yours are fun.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:All right.
Speaker C:Sounds good.
Speaker C:It sounds like a bit of a monkey's paw situation, but let's see what happens.
Speaker B:Well, you know, you get what you asked for.
Speaker B:You're creepy.
Speaker B:This is creepypasta.
Speaker B:It's spooky season, man.
Speaker B:It's Samhain week.
Speaker B:Samhain week.
Speaker A:Oh, okay.
Speaker A:Well, Mr. Zabrowski, Henry, that is.
Speaker A:Why don't you start us off with a tale submitted to you by Marcus.
Speaker B:Well, first of all, before we can even begin our story, do you not even fucking remember what we do on these shows?
Speaker A:I'm sorry.
Speaker A:You gotta get the years that we have spent.
Speaker B:But guess what?
Speaker B:I don't want you to smoke weed tonight.
Speaker A:Whoa.
Speaker A:What?
Speaker B:No.
Speaker A:Why not?
Speaker B:I want you to free base fucking cocaine.
Speaker A:Listen, everybody.
Speaker A:Listen to the episode.
Speaker B:Listen, man.
Speaker A:Ruin radio.
Speaker B:We have a whole week of Halloween to celebrate, all right?
Speaker B:When Halloween's on a Sunday, man.
Speaker A:Cow.
Speaker B:This is.
Speaker A:We don't want.
Speaker A:We don't want our audience high on cocaine.
Speaker B:I think it's important for this issue because when it comes down to a weird.
Speaker B:Like, maybe it's.
Speaker B:We're getting sleepy.
Speaker B:We've been celebrating Halloween, right, A little bit more horror than we did last year.
Speaker B:So what I need you to do is first of all, go to where the cocaine is, which is where you're going to want to go to your gay nightclub.
Speaker B:You're going to want to go find a pilot, right?
Speaker B:Like they always have cocaine, those types of guys.
Speaker B:You're going to want to hang around with girls who sell cigarettes at bars.
Speaker B:Does that even happen anymore?
Speaker A:It does, yeah.
Speaker A:In Vegas.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Do you remember?
Speaker C:Oh, of course.
Speaker C:I used to.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:I used to always sign up for the free lighter.
Speaker B:Free lighter.
Speaker C:It was cigarettes always.
Speaker C:And then I would.
Speaker C:I still have my old driver's license from back in Texas.
Speaker C:So my parents at their house would get just like mountains and mountain of Camel light literature.
Speaker A:That's great.
Speaker B:I miss the old days in that way.
Speaker B:Because you used to get mail from cigarettes.
Speaker A:I know people that dress solely in Marlboro products.
Speaker A:And they had a kayak.
Speaker B:We had a raft.
Speaker B:We had the raft of my family.
Speaker B:The closest we went to upstate was Burlington, like up in upstate New York.
Speaker B:We didn't do anything.
Speaker B:But, guys, what I want you to do is go up to that cigarette girl and be like, you holding, you holding, you holding.
Speaker B:And a lot of times they do.
Speaker B:99% Of the times they have.
Speaker B:They have cocaine.
Speaker B:But what I'm also going to need you to do here is I'm going to need you to pull out that fentanyl strip.
Speaker B:Yes, it is the dental dam of drugs.
Speaker A:It is.
Speaker B:But you are going to need to test that cocaine for fentanyl first.
Speaker B:Because I don't want anybody dying.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:See, this is why it would have been just easier to tell them to smoke weed.
Speaker B:We've already done it.
Speaker B:They know to smoke weed.
Speaker B:They actually should already be.
Speaker A:So you're assuming they're stone.
Speaker B:I'm assuming they're stone.
Speaker B:You get that little packet of fucking that, you know, when it's kind of yellow, you get it from the Little like the aluminum square, and you take it out.
Speaker B:The only way you can properly do it is behind a 7 11.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker B:And I want you.
Speaker B:You put the little flame underneath it, a little straw.
Speaker B:You get the wisp, the little devil wisp.
Speaker B:You see the fucking devil faces coming off and going like, fucking.
Speaker A:Killing family tonight.
Speaker B:I want that inside of you.
Speaker B:And then now sit and listen to a podcast.
Speaker C:You know what?
Speaker C:I'm going to actually make an addendum to that because I'm going to.
Speaker C:I think I know how to solve everybody's problems here.
Speaker C:What you do before you buy the cocaine, start charging your Bluetooth headphones.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Oh, that's a great point.
Speaker C:After you freebase the cocaine, put in your Bluetooth headphones, put your phone in your pocket, and now you're able to just fucking wander around as much as you want, pace through the room, have fun.
Speaker A:Ladies and gentlemen, also I want to add Be home.
Speaker B:Be home.
Speaker B:This is a Be home episode.
Speaker B:If you're on cocaine.
Speaker B:And it's also what's kind of fun is that you could.
Speaker B:Or you could take your fucking.
Speaker B:Especially if you're on cocaine.
Speaker B:Put the podcast on speaker, on your phone.
Speaker B:Put the speaker inside the bottom of a parking.
Speaker B:Parking cone.
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker B:Stick your ear up against the hole.
Speaker B:It's kind of fun.
Speaker B:New way to do it.
Speaker B:But I will begin with the selection from Dog Meat.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker B:This is called the Oneirophage.
Speaker B:Oh, a neurophage.
Speaker C:A neurophage.
Speaker B:A nerophage.
Speaker C:Anerophage.
Speaker C:It means eater of dreams.
Speaker B:Cool.
Speaker B:That's cool.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker B:They had a whole one word for that.
Speaker B:That's great.
Speaker B:In the late 40s of the last century, after a decade of private research involving experiments with binaural beat, brainwave frequencies, extrasensory cognition, and rare extracts of a South American vine, Dr. Thomas Rosner perfected a technique whereby one could actually intrude into the psyche and see another's thoughts.
Speaker A:Oh, my God.
Speaker A:It's called Twitter.
Speaker B:I want a thumbs down button.
Speaker B:Despite.
Speaker B:Despite having exhaustively documented his rigorous work, he could find no institution that would even offer to review it.
Speaker B:Forced to sell his invention, he found by word of mouth among those through whom he procured narcotics, a prospective buyer, the bete noir of an old New York family, Mr. John M. Dunn, a voyeuristic connoisseur of the supernatural and the obscene.
Speaker A:Ooh.
Speaker B:Who had squandered idle youth in the great libraries of Paris?
Speaker B:Those skeletacombs, departed authors.
Speaker A:That's not squandering your youth that's hanging out, reading books and stuff and squandering.
Speaker B:That's stupid.
Speaker B:You should be going to amusement parks.
Speaker B:You should be getting late.
Speaker B:You should be going to the club.
Speaker A:I just don't know if that's the right message.
Speaker A:It's better than jerking off in your mom's basement that you are correct.
Speaker B:Rummaging among the hordes of dusty and obsolete works, a literary ghoul who disturbed with profane fingers the charnel houses of decayed philosophies, he readily agreed to the doctor's asking price without haggling, delighted at the prospect of exploring such a bizarre novelty.
Speaker B:Once adept at the operation of the apparatus, Don paid Dr. Rezna off and, under an assumed name, rented a shabby house within a view of Sing Sing Prison.
Speaker B:In the timeless night, while the convicts fitfully slept, with the aid of a set of stolen blueprints and his new mind reading device, he raided their memories cell by cell, at liberty to savor the forbidden thrill of thefts, molestations, moonlit homicides.
Speaker A:Oh, my.
Speaker B:And in secret, without remorse or consequence.
Speaker B:Within a month, the prisoners, telling each other about the nightmares from which they had all began abruptly to awaken, discovered they shared striking similarities.
Speaker B:First, processions of alligators and tortoises filed through a swamp crowded with faceless people and shrieking orchids.
Speaker B:Next, a shadow man, at whom they looked directly but could never quite see, would watch them in utter stillness from an empty house while invisible hands probed behind their eyes as they had to stand naked, legs locked in place, unable to run away.
Speaker A:What is happening now?
Speaker B:They're compared descriptions of the housewives, including its location just outside the walls.
Speaker B:By mutual agreement, it was planned that the first of them to receive parole would search this house out to find if it really existed and investigate the source of their troubling dreams.
Speaker B:A few days after being freed, their chosen spy was able to inform them with a smuggled message in code that only was the house real.
Speaker B:But he had broken into it at night and found a gaunt, mustached man in a silk smoking jacket, seated bolt upright, head thrust back, both eyes gaping, mouth stick open in a stiffened gasp, Clenched hands gripping the arms of his chair in front of a scientific machine.
Speaker A:Very intriguing.
Speaker A:Gaping eyes.
Speaker B:Gaping eyes.
Speaker B:Gaping.
Speaker B:Wink it.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:A handwritten journal on the desk told the whole story of his adventures.
Speaker B:Prying unconstrained through their psyches, plundering the haunted memories of criminal after criminal, seeking ever more shameful and audacious experiences, until finally, he wrote on July 7 of his overwhelming Desire to witness telepathically the next execution in the prison's notorious electric chair.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:Ride the lightning.
Speaker A:Ride the lightning, indeed.
Speaker A:That's gaping eyes.
Speaker A:Gaping ice.
Speaker B:That's what you get.
Speaker A:Running on empty D. Doctor, my eyes are gaping.
Speaker A:Fantastic.
Speaker B:It kind of brings a new feeling to the name Jackson Brown.
Speaker A:Jackson Brown.
Speaker A:Double brown.
Speaker A:Eyes full of shit.
Speaker C:Double Brown.
Speaker B:Do you like Jackson Brown?
Speaker C:Marcus love Jackson Brown.
Speaker C:Big Jackson Brown, especially as a songwriter.
Speaker C:He wrote many of the best songs on Nico's first album on Chelsea Girl, he wrote Fairest of the Seas.
Speaker C:He wrote Fairest of the Seasons.
Speaker C:And these days, when he was like, 17 years old.
Speaker B:Jackson fucking Brown.
Speaker C:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker C:Listen.
Speaker C:Listen to our series on the Velvet Underground on no Dogs in Space for more about Nico and Jackson Brown.
Speaker C:And Nico was him during the time.
Speaker B:Cool.
Speaker B:Yeah, man.
Speaker B:I'll tell you what, that's.
Speaker B:That's the best plug I've seen since Nadia White.
Speaker A:She's doing fantastic.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:She got to work with Bang Bros or something like that there.
Speaker A:Which in that world is a big thing.
Speaker B:You were prepared.
Speaker B:You were pretending like you don't know.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:I actually don't watch.
Speaker A:Sometimes I'll stumble upon Nadia.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:Yeah, no, it's just.
Speaker A:It's funny when it's a friend there.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Isn't that fun?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:A lot of wires get crossed in there.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:All right, well, Marcus, did you want to go next?
Speaker A:Did you want me to go next?
Speaker C:Sure.
Speaker C:I can go next.
Speaker C:I can read.
Speaker C:Ben, I can read one of yours.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:I can read one of yours.
Speaker A:One is a discussion and the other one is the horse.
Speaker C:Let's go with the horse.
Speaker B:Go with the horse.
Speaker C:I would like to.
Speaker C:Do you have any direction for me as I go, As I launch into this?
Speaker A:Well, all I know is.
Speaker A:Cool gun, cool gun.
Speaker A:Here you go.
Speaker A:Here's your gun.
Speaker A:It's prop gun, and you're gonna want to use that for the scene.
Speaker B:Very good.
Speaker B:Very good.
Speaker B:Topical.
Speaker A:Topical.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:This is called horse.
Speaker B:That horse mocks you.
Speaker B:Do you hear the name?
Speaker B:More like nighing.
Speaker B:That horse says, note you, the horse.
Speaker C:Is the man of the house.
Speaker B:You are the horse.
Speaker B:Clop, clop, drop about to your dingy office, little horsey.
Speaker B:Your wife kisses her husband horse when you can't see, and then again when you can.
Speaker B:She buys its shoes finer than any you'll own.
Speaker B:Its metal feet crush your soul.
Speaker B:This horse is now a man.
Speaker B:It exclaims, I am defeated.
Speaker B:You cry, the horses beat you.
Speaker B:Soon you'll be in the Stall eating dry, bland grasses while the majestic horse band ferries your wife about town.
Speaker B:Oh, the city folk shall as they drop to their knees as their muscles fail them at the sight of such a cottle.
Speaker C:The horse is such a man.
Speaker B:They weep as they tear out their eyes, knowing they'll never see such beauty again.
Speaker B:Your wife and the horse God shall laugh and eat gold together.
Speaker B:Ha.
Speaker B:And your tears shall be blood as you shrivel and turn to dust, forgotten in that stall outside the city where the horse is now emperor of all and lover of one.
Speaker A:No shit.
Speaker B:The citizens will genuflect before the great beast, paying whatever the hoofed one demands, be it of coin or flesh.
Speaker B:The people will rejoice to do so as their great and benevolent equine shall make their crops plenty and their lives ever long.
Speaker B:The rotten stall shall collapse on your worm eaten bones and none shall remember a whit about you.
Speaker B:Except the?
Speaker B:OOR horse.
Speaker B:The original horse who shall shed no tear but blink in bitter recollection of that brief time he had to endure you.
Speaker B:Do not let this come to me.
Speaker B:Shoot that horse with your Glock.
Speaker B:Eat its meat.
Speaker B:Make a horse stew.
Speaker B:Turn its bones into glue and use it to glue the skull to your wall.
Speaker B:Use its hooves to make a tasteless gelatin to encase its eyes in.
Speaker B:Do it.
Speaker B:Be the man of the house, not the man of the horse.
Speaker A:Okay, so this is full stop.
Speaker B:This is an anti.
Speaker B:This is antifa.
Speaker B:But for horse fascism.
Speaker A:Well, this is.
Speaker A:Be very careful, because once the horse gets autonomy and it's obvious you're a sentient being, he's gonna fuck your wife and take your job.
Speaker B:This is pro killing horses.
Speaker A:It's pro eating horses?
Speaker C:Yeah, it's the horse.
Speaker C:If you do, if you not make it, if you not fight back against the horse's many wiles, then the horse will not only take your wife, but it will also become mayor.
Speaker B:This is what I've been saying about octopus.
Speaker A:Well, yes, but they're not.
Speaker B:But they have the capability.
Speaker A:But we would have to live under the sea for them to rule us.
Speaker B:Unless they find out how to build like oxygen tanks, but filled with water.
Speaker A:I don't even.
Speaker A:Well, we can handcuff them.
Speaker B:We can.
Speaker B:Four pairs.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Well.
Speaker A:Fantastic rendition of Horse by.
Speaker C:Thank you for that story.
Speaker C:That's a lot of fun.
Speaker A:No problem.
Speaker A:All right, this one I'll read.
Speaker A:It's from Henry.
Speaker A:It's called Mommy.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:This should be exciting.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Do you like this one?
Speaker A:Or is this the one you wrote or.
Speaker B:No, no, this is not the one I wrote.
Speaker B:The second one's the one I wrote.
Speaker B:This is one.
Speaker B:This is very.
Speaker B:This is Mommy.
Speaker B:And I chose it because it's simple.
Speaker A:Okay, that's great.
Speaker A:Mommy and Daddy.
Speaker A:This is the.
Speaker A:This is.
Speaker B:You are the.
Speaker B:You are child.
Speaker A:And this is.
Speaker A:I am a child.
Speaker A:And this is me telling you my story.
Speaker A:Mommy and Daddy are fighting again.
Speaker A:They're shouting at each other.
Speaker A:Mommy told me to stay in my room, so I do as I'm told.
Speaker A:I love Mommy.
Speaker B:It's so weird, man.
Speaker B:I just did this because it is weird.
Speaker B:Imagine you with a big fucking spinny hat on and like, oshkosh b' Gosh overalls.
Speaker A:Oh, I did have those.
Speaker A:And I love my mother.
Speaker A:We hung out all day, all the time.
Speaker B:Yeah, because you were a child, you had to hang out with her.
Speaker A:It's not like you don't hang out with her now.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Remember?
Speaker C:No, it was.
Speaker C:It was to an unhealthy degree because you let him go to.
Speaker C:To school.
Speaker A:But I would say, I'm tired, I don't want to go to school.
Speaker A:She's like, let's go to Piggly Wiggly and.
Speaker B:Yeah, and then you breastfed until you were five.
Speaker A:Mommy and Daddy, they are fighting again.
Speaker A:They're shouting at each other.
Speaker A:Mommy told me to stay in my room, so I do as I'm told because I love Mommy.
Speaker A:As I said already, I don't love Daddy quite as much.
Speaker A:He hurt me once.
Speaker A:Yesterday I noticed Mommy had scars on her wrist.
Speaker A:What am I reading?
Speaker B:That's what I gave her.
Speaker A:Good Lord.
Speaker A:She told me she got them at.
Speaker B:You made too tall of a damn son.
Speaker B:You made too big of a son.
Speaker B:He's 40 years old.
Speaker B:I wish he'd leave.
Speaker A:Uh huh.
Speaker A:Yesterday I noticed Mommy had scars on her wrist.
Speaker A:She told me she got them at war.
Speaker A:Any specific war?
Speaker A:Okay, keep reading.
Speaker A:Mommy is so.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Mommy is so brave.
Speaker A:Daddy once told me that he thinks Mommy is weak.
Speaker A:But how can she be if she fought in a war?
Speaker A:I asked Daddy this.
Speaker A:He didn't answer.
Speaker A:But he got really mad at Mommy and now they're fighting.
Speaker A:That's very unhealthy.
Speaker B:Because of you.
Speaker A:Is it because of you?
Speaker A:I'm just asking questions.
Speaker A:Okay, so they're fighting again.
Speaker A:After Daddy left for work, Mommy went to the garage, turned on the car and went to sleep.
Speaker B:She committed suicide.
Speaker A:She looks really peaceful.
Speaker A:I open the car door and sit next to Mommy.
Speaker A:I notice she has bruises on her neck and arms.
Speaker A:She must have got them at the War, too.
Speaker A:Well, I'm beginning to feel a little sleepy too.
Speaker A:Oh, I think I'll take a nap next to Mommy.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker A:I'm sure Mommy will wake up soon.
Speaker C:The carbon dioxide.
Speaker A:And then we can both go visit Grandpa.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:That's what happened to Weird Al's parents.
Speaker A:That's the story that you sent me.
Speaker B:That's one of the stories I sent you.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:I sent you.
Speaker A:We'll go visit Grandpa.
Speaker B:I thought that you might act more.
Speaker B:I thought that was.
Speaker B:I did act.
Speaker A:I acted like.
Speaker A:I pretended like it was my.
Speaker B:This whole story, it's about your mom committing suicide and you dying with her.
Speaker A:And we're gonna go see Grandpa.
Speaker A:It's scary.
Speaker B:That is scary.
Speaker B:It's real life.
Speaker B:It's scary.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:No clarification on what war she fought in.
Speaker B:The war on comedy.
Speaker B:That's what she did.
Speaker B:She's the first actual death in the war on comedy.
Speaker A:That's bad.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker B:Rise from your grave.
Speaker C:All right.
Speaker B:So now I'm going to read a story selected for me by Ben Kissel.
Speaker A:This is so you.
Speaker A:I thought it was written by you.
Speaker A:For me.
Speaker A:This is like so Polish.
Speaker B:So this is a Google Translate version of a Polish written creepypasta.
Speaker A:That's correct, yes.
Speaker A:Bjork, unlike your story where it's just about going to see your grandfather.
Speaker B:That was.
Speaker B:I thought you would act like a child.
Speaker B:I thought you would do a child's voice.
Speaker B:Mommy and Daddy are funny.
Speaker B:That's a character.
Speaker B:That's a character.
Speaker A:Gonna go visit grandpa.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I mean, that's.
Speaker B:That's a fucking character.
Speaker A:You imagine that you're in heaven and you're so happy and then all of a sudden you see your freaking daughter like Jesus Christ.
Speaker A:Didn't I die to avoid this entire family?
Speaker A:But anyway, family.
Speaker B:The creepiest.
Speaker B:The creepiest of all.
Speaker B:It was a Thursday.
Speaker B:Just priest left my house because them took cattle.
Speaker B:After finishing the visit, gave the priest as much as grace and started taking orders for my VHS tapes.
Speaker B:When connecting a VCR to power, I came across a problem because it does not display a picture.
Speaker B:It is a pity that these materials are lost, I thought.
Speaker B:But I decided to go to the rental DVD bd.
Speaker B:What is this?
Speaker A:It's Polish.
Speaker B:I know, I thought.
Speaker B:But I decided to go to the rental place where they have a service ripping footage on dvd.
Speaker B:Price wise.
Speaker B:Also the owner of Lentil scoffed and decided to rip me 15 cartridges.
Speaker B:The price of leave for each other.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Reviewing the materials the next day, I checked the recordings and felt nostalgia.
Speaker B:And felt nostalgia.
Speaker B:Fairy Tales from childhood.
Speaker B:They were there nice 80s movies.
Speaker B:Die Hard with the German softborn.
Speaker B:Except with the breast of the woman.
Speaker B:Nothing is special.
Speaker B:Also like to mention that on the day there was something strange and that as my request.
Speaker B:As my request, materials from the VHS tapes were converted to avi.
Speaker B:But reviewing the record I came across something that surprised me.
Speaker B:The album was a six minute video.
Speaker B:I thought it was a snippet from a cassette or something.
Speaker B:Joked with me because this video was the attribute hidden and by default have enabled the system to show all of the folders and files.
Speaker B:A little strange thing in the video posted was a Polish stuff.
Speaker B:But I have not seen it in his eyes.
Speaker B:Even once when I was a pisser.
Speaker B:Don't know.
Speaker B:I don't even know this.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:The video lasts six minutes.
Speaker B:At the beginning we see a girl with asymmetrical eyes.
Speaker B:It looks like someone stuck on her eyes.
Speaker B:Cut out some niche newspaper for a woman.
Speaker B:For lady of a house or friend.
Speaker B:It also includes the larvae crawling.
Speaker B:It also includes the larvae crawling.
Speaker B:Something like the grip is also a scene which pierces the apple, saying that consists of nursing the land of mushrooms and paper.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:The movies seem to be psychedelic.
Speaker B:Men of Restlessness movement.
Speaker B:Girls look like movements of puppets or marionettes.
Speaker B:There's also a squirrel Gretel.
Speaker B:There's a squirrel Gretel.
Speaker B:The girl's name is Agaka.
Speaker B:Interestingly, you can see the girls laughed in sinister laughter Squirrels.
Speaker B:It is not assembled materials.
Speaker B:Both sounds are superimposed on each other chatter and looks like Sony Vegasy installation or any other programs.
Speaker B:The rest of the content is confusing.
Speaker B:Yep, it looks as if the film had the educational character.
Speaker B:But the installation itself may be Shiver.
Speaker B:The General's called.
Speaker B:The General was called the Land of mushrooms.
Speaker B:On YouTube you can find this video as a reupload because I tried to show it on YouTube but because of the number of notifications have blocked accounts.
Speaker B:Still looking for the person who was responsible for this material.
Speaker A:There you go.
Speaker A:It's a Polish tale.
Speaker A:It makes no sense.
Speaker A:But you see, he went to the video store, right?
Speaker A:And then he got a superimposed on that.
Speaker B:I think it's the Griffin.
Speaker B:Yeah, he's talking about the Grifter.
Speaker B:The Grifter was like an old school like YouTube trolling thing.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:People would say, have you seen the Grifter?
Speaker B:The Grifter was supposed to be some like either snuff film or a video that would make you go insane.
Speaker A:Yep, that's basically what that was.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker C:Yeah, but it was on the vhs.
Speaker C:The old vhs.
Speaker A:I think it was a dvd.
Speaker C:Was it?
Speaker B:Yeah, he said he put a DVD in and then the file, like, the files of it came up.
Speaker C:Well, no, for first he.
Speaker C:He was getting.
Speaker C:He was converting all of his VHS tapes to DVD.
Speaker C:That's why he saw, you know, 80s movies.
Speaker C:That's why I saw the German soft, the Boobies Die Hard things from childhood.
Speaker C:And then it was this mysterious thing also on the dvd, in a hidden file.
Speaker A:And that was, like, the mushrooms and all that stuff.
Speaker C:And that was the land of mushrooms and paper.
Speaker A:Sure, yeah.
Speaker A:Honestly, that's a great thing.
Speaker A:Mushrooms and paper and a pencil.
Speaker A:That's all you need to have a little fun.
Speaker B:You're right.
Speaker A:You draw or write stuff.
Speaker B:You're right.
Speaker B:You're right.
Speaker B:We have not read a legit creepypasta yet.
Speaker B:That's also what I really appreciate.
Speaker B:So far of the three of us, technically, we have not read, like, what would be considered to be a traditional creepypasta.
Speaker A:I don't even know what that means anymore.
Speaker B:Yeah, interesting.
Speaker C:I don't think it means anything.
Speaker B:You're right.
Speaker B:Maybe I'm.
Speaker B:Maybe I'm.
Speaker B:I'm being trad.
Speaker B:I'm being trad right now.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:You're putting creepy pasta in a box and you're not realizing that you can use a lot of different things to make a great pasta.
Speaker A:You can use stuff.
Speaker B:I've lost you.
Speaker B:I've lost you.
Speaker B:It's over.
Speaker B:This train is over.
Speaker C:You can make chicken and spaghetti.
Speaker C:You can make a casserole.
Speaker B:Wait a second.
Speaker B:What is chicken and spaghetti?
Speaker B:What meal is chicken and spaghetti?
Speaker C:It's chicken and spaghetti.
Speaker C:It's like a casserole that you make.
Speaker C:There's a bunch of people out there right now that are saying, henry, how the fuck have you never had chicken and spaghetti casserole in your life?
Speaker B:You're all making shit up, and I am here for it.
Speaker B:You're gonna get a million.
Speaker C:You're gonna get a million emails from people saying, like, yeah, I've had chicken and spaghetti.
Speaker B:You're stupid, Avery.
Speaker B:Chicken, spaghetti.
Speaker B:It's good, Avery.
Speaker B:Yes, indeed.
Speaker C:Okay, so now I'm gonna read one from Henry that is in all caps.
Speaker B:I gave you because you like these ones.
Speaker C:I do like these ones.
Speaker C:I have not read it yet.
Speaker C:So if there is any questionable material, this is.
Speaker C:This comes from a listener.
Speaker B:I checked this one.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker B:This comes from a listener, and I checked this one.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker B:And the word is gepedophiles.
Speaker C:I know.
Speaker C:Pinocchio and the gepedophiles.
Speaker C:I got it.
Speaker C:I get it.
Speaker C:I fucking get it.
Speaker A:That kinda works actually.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:All right, let's go.
Speaker C:There once was a boy named Pinocchio.
Speaker C:But he wasn't a boy at first.
Speaker B:He was a doll.
Speaker C:A sex doll that was created by the government to satis by child molesters in government.
Speaker C:And the president didn't like that it.
Speaker B:Wasn't a real boy.
Speaker C:So president said to the first lady,.
Speaker B:Fuck, we need a real boy to.
Speaker C:Molest you, fucking bitch.
Speaker C:And she said, fuck you, cuck.
Speaker C:Why don't you call that genie witch lady that fucked you in the ass?
Speaker C:So he called the genie witch lady that fucked him in the ass and he said, fuck you, genie witch lady.
Speaker C:I need this sex doll to be a real boy so I can fuck it.
Speaker C:The genie witch said, why the fuck would you do that, you dumb fuck?
Speaker C:I'll fuck you in the ass again, Mr. President.
Speaker C:Then she fucked him in the ass again and said, I will make this stup fucking doll a real boy or whatever, but I can give him life.
Speaker C:But he's still gonna be a stupid fucking doll, you dumb cuck.
Speaker C:Then Pinocchio was still a dumb fucking fucking doll.
Speaker B:But now he could talk and move.
Speaker C:Around on his own.
Speaker C:And Pinocchio said, fuck you, you fucking pedophile.
Speaker C:I'll fucking kill you, you dumb fucking cuck.
Speaker C:And I'll kill the whole molester government.
Speaker C:And he killed the president and the whole fucking government and said, fuck you.
Speaker C:I am every president now.
Speaker C:And he said lies to people just like every fucking president.
Speaker C:And his fucking nose grew every time.
Speaker B:He said a stupid fucking lie.
Speaker C:And some stupid fucking reporter, Brian from Fox News said to him, hey, you're gonna molest kids like the last president.
Speaker C:And he said, fuck you.
Speaker B:No I won't.
Speaker C:And his nose grows.
Speaker C:So he shot himself in the head and killed himself.
Speaker C:Cause he didn't want to be like his dad.
Speaker C:Fuck you.
Speaker B:Honestly.
Speaker A:Oh, that's amazing.
Speaker B:This is on.
Speaker B:That is traditional creepy pun.
Speaker A:That is good stuff.
Speaker A:He didn't want to be like his father.
Speaker A:And it was so nice to have a politician that was.
Speaker C:Was.
Speaker A:He was transparent.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:The entire pedophile government.
Speaker C:Yeah, all of them.
Speaker C:One.
Speaker C:One by one by one it goes.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Let me start using cuck more.
Speaker B:I think you can.
Speaker B:I guess.
Speaker B:So I guess technically that's like two years ago.
Speaker C:Yeah, it's two years ago.
Speaker C:And it was.
Speaker C:There was some guys that used cuck a lot and it just wasn't.
Speaker A:Yeah, but you flip it.
Speaker A:I'm taking the word back.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:You use it in time.
Speaker B:It started with.
Speaker B:It was.
Speaker B:It started as a positive.
Speaker A:What?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Well, not even Othello.
Speaker B:The Othello.
Speaker B:An Othello went, oh, cuckold.
Speaker C:Well, a cuckold.
Speaker C:That was.
Speaker C:It was actually a very bad thing to be a cuckold.
Speaker A:Well, someone you love has sex with someone else.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's.
Speaker B:That's what it is now.
Speaker B:And now that's a positive thing.
Speaker C:If you like that, then it's a positive thing.
Speaker B:If you like that.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:If you've been talked into doing that, then it is not a good thing.
Speaker B:If it's too late for you and you're in the La Quinta and the guy's already going ahead on your wife, and you didn't realize what you were bargaining for, and then all of a sudden, you're in the middle of it, you're fine with it.
Speaker A:Yeah, you're gonna have to be.
Speaker A:I mean, you need a ride home.
Speaker A:Okay, here we go.
Speaker A:I'll go with a tale from Marcus Parks.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Could you do duo saka?
Speaker C:This one's.
Speaker C:This one's subtle.
Speaker C:It's subtle, and I know, Ben, you're the master of subtlety.
Speaker B:He is.
Speaker B:So I'm the most subtle of the three of us.
Speaker A:I'm just gonna read it.
Speaker A:We'll do this here.
Speaker A:So this is.
Speaker A:Here it is.
Speaker A:And I will be doing my best Japanese accent if you guys want me to see.
Speaker B:I think that is.
Speaker C:I actually.
Speaker C:I think it' American living.
Speaker A:Oh, fantastic.
Speaker A:I didn't have to unleash because, man, I do a great Japanese accent.
Speaker C:Yeah, there's.
Speaker C:I mean, there is a homeless man that is in this story who may or may not be Japanese.
Speaker C:We don't know.
Speaker A:Let's say.
Speaker A:Let's pretend he's not.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:Okay, here we go.
Speaker B:It's a character.
Speaker A:It's a character.
Speaker A:I live in Osaka, Japan, and often use the subway to go to work in the morning.
Speaker A:One day when I was waiting for the train, I noticed a homeless man standing in the corner of the subway station, muttering to himself as people passed by.
Speaker A:He was holding up a cup and seemed to be begging for spare change.
Speaker A:A fat woman passed.
Speaker A:This is not my story.
Speaker A:A fat woman passed by the homeless man, and I distinctly heard him say pig.
Speaker A:Oh, I've actually read this one before.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's a good one.
Speaker B:It's a good one, actually.
Speaker B:I like this one.
Speaker A:A fat woman passed by, and the homeless man.
Speaker A:And the homeless man distinctively said pig.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:I thought to myself, this homeless man is insulting people and he still expects them to give him money.
Speaker A:Then a tall businessman went by and the homeless man muttered, human.
Speaker A:Human.
Speaker A:I can't argue with that.
Speaker A:Obviously, the man was human.
Speaker A:The next day, I arrived early at the subway station and I had a little time to kill.
Speaker A:So I decided to stand close to the homeless man and listen to his strange mutterings.
Speaker A:A thin, haggard looking man passed in front of him, and I heard the homeless guy mutter, cow.
Speaker A:Cow.
Speaker A:I thought this man was way too skinny to be a cow.
Speaker A:He looked more like a turkey or a chicken to me.
Speaker A:A minute or so later, that is actually what my thought process is.
Speaker A:Oh, cow.
Speaker A:That's weird.
Speaker A:And looks like a chicken.
Speaker C:Yeah, or a turkey.
Speaker C:I mean, but that's the tick.
Speaker C:Tick.
Speaker B:Chickens.
Speaker C:Turkeys are kind of plump, aren't they?
Speaker B:Yeah, they are kind of plump.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Either way, it's kind of plump.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Thin woman.
Speaker B:I'd say an egret.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:By the way, she walked by and he's like, cow.
Speaker A:And he's like, cow, dude.
Speaker A:She looks like a chicken dude.
Speaker A:And then a minute or so later, a fat man walked by, and the homeless man said, potato.
Speaker A:Potato.
Speaker A:I was under the impression they called fat people pigs.
Speaker A:That day at work, I couldn't stop thinking about the homeless man and puzzling and his puzzling behavior.
Speaker A:I kept trying, and I'd get done trying to find some logic or pattern in what he was muttering.
Speaker A:Perhaps he was some kind of psychic.
Speaker A:I thought, maybe he knows what these people were in a previous life in Japan, many people believe in reincarnation.
Speaker A:I observed the homeless man many times and began to think.
Speaker A:I began to think my theory was right.
Speaker A:I often heard him calling people rabbit or onion or sheep or tomato.
Speaker B:I knew you'd like this because the naming all the different animals and vegetables.
Speaker B:Yeah, I knew he.
Speaker A:Was funny.
Speaker A:Tomato.
Speaker B:Yeah, you call me tomato.
Speaker A:You call me a tomato.
Speaker C:One more time.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:You call me a tomato.
Speaker A:See how it works?
Speaker B:Jeez, very scary.
Speaker C:I picked stories that I knew both of you would enjoy.
Speaker C:Yeah, I know you enjoy naming things.
Speaker A:One day, curiosity got better.
Speaker A:Got the better of me.
Speaker B:And I saying nouns.
Speaker B:That's all he likes to do.
Speaker B:He likes to say nouns.
Speaker A:One day, curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to ask him what was going on.
Speaker A:As I walked up, he looked at me and said, bread.
Speaker A:I tossed some money into his cup and asked if he had some kind of psychic ability.
Speaker A:The homeless man smiled and said, yes, yes, indeed, I do have a psychic ability.
Speaker A:It's an ability I obtained years ago.
Speaker A:But it's not what you might expect.
Speaker A:I can't tell the future or read minds or anything like that.
Speaker A:Then what's your ability?
Speaker A:I asked.
Speaker A:The ability is merely to know the last thing somebody ate.
Speaker A:I laughed because he was right.
Speaker A:He said, brad, the last thing I had eaten for breakfast that day was toast.
Speaker A:I walked away again, shaking my head of the psychic abilities someone could have, but that one must be the most useless.
Speaker B:But yeah, he said human, that one time.
Speaker B:Human.
Speaker B:That one time.
Speaker C:That guy ate one time, that one day.
Speaker C:Human.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's the thing.
Speaker A:But he didn't say that.
Speaker B:No, it's subtle.
Speaker B:That's why he said it's subtle.
Speaker A:Human.
Speaker A:Cow.
Speaker A:Pig.
Speaker B:Next time we do creepypasta, we're just gonna give Kissel a bunch of nouns.
Speaker A:To say, I got the creepypasta.
Speaker A:I got the creepy.
Speaker A:But the guy in the story didn't get it.
Speaker B:No, we are.
Speaker A:So of all the psychic abilities someone could have had, that one must be the most useless.
Speaker A:This guy didn't even fucking get it.
Speaker B:This is the story.
Speaker A:He's not real.
Speaker B:Not in that guy's head.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:This is for us to understand.
Speaker C:Yeah, it's on the tweeter, so.
Speaker A:And for those that want to know again, that it was the tall businessman.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Who was eating human beings.
Speaker C:Human.
Speaker A:Oh, yuck.
Speaker C:Yeah, yuck.
Speaker C:Oh, well, I guess we're not gonna.
Speaker B:Go see the three colors, rouge and blanc together, which is a subtle recreation of what it's like to live through war.
Speaker B:Never mind.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker C:So it's just.
Speaker C:It's just a.
Speaker C:It's just a bunch of different colors and it goes.
Speaker B:It's some foreign movie.
Speaker B:I don't even fucking remember.
Speaker A:Eight colors.
Speaker A:All right, well, there we go.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for that one.
Speaker B:Roy G. Biv is the.
Speaker B:Of the movie.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:All right, here we go.
Speaker B:I will read now a selection from Marcus.
Speaker A:Ah.
Speaker B:This is called Darkness in the Rearview Mirror.
Speaker C:This was this one's classic creepypasta.
Speaker B:Here.
Speaker C:I thought you might enjoy a classic Creepy, creepy pasta.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Creepypasta.
Speaker B: In the summer of: Speaker B:It was almost midnight.
Speaker A:Humble brag.
Speaker A:Yes, I was invited.
Speaker A:I did not crash on the couch.
Speaker B:I was the janitor.
Speaker B:It was almost midnight and needless to say, it was pitch black.
Speaker B:As was usual at night, I was on edge.
Speaker C:I had the radio off.
Speaker B:I could hear nothing but the muffle roar of tires on pavement and the dull hum of the engine along on some highway.
Speaker B:She's on my hall.
Speaker B:So this is just Bob's secret?
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:I stole a glance into the middle rear view mirror and saw nothing but darkness through the back window.
Speaker A:You don't steal a glance at a mirror that's in your car.
Speaker A:You steal a glance at, like, a gal across the mountain road.
Speaker B:Again, I know that I looked backward and saw nothing.
Speaker B:Nothing.
Speaker B:I'm sure of it.
Speaker B:Just the seemingly endless blackness of the night.
Speaker B:I remember it so clearly because not 10 seconds later, a car passed me to the left, headlights on.
Speaker B:I had one of those sudden adrenaline rushes, like when you think you see a person outside your bedroom window when it's just a tree.
Speaker B:Or when you start awake at night with the feeling of falling.
Speaker B:Ten seconds earlier, nothing had been behind me.
Speaker B:Suddenly, a car.
Speaker B:I drove the rest of the way home, shivering and knowing something was off.
Speaker B:The next morning, I found two sets of scratches near the back of my van.
Speaker B:One was on the left rear, one was on the right.
Speaker B:The car was pretty old.
Speaker B:They could have been there for months, but it was the first time that I distinctly remembered seeing them.
Speaker B:In hindsight, there are two possibilities for what happened that night.
Speaker B:Possibility one, by some glitch in reality or something paranormal, this other car had somehow appeared behind me within 10 seconds of me checking my mirror like some weird ghost crap or something.
Speaker B:However, the second option is what makes my blood run cold whenever I consider.
Speaker B:Didn't even occur to me until months after the fact.
Speaker B:But it makes me dread driving alone at night even more.
Speaker B:Because possibility, too, the car was normal.
Speaker B:It had approached me from the rear and passed me to my left.
Speaker B:However, something large and wide and as black as the night had been clinging to the rear of my car, obscuring my view through the window and leaving deep scratches on the side.
Speaker B:And I had inadvertently driven it home with me.
Speaker B:It's gold dust.
Speaker A:Whoa.
Speaker A:WWE's gold dust.
Speaker A:Good luck telling that to the insurance company.
Speaker A:It was goldust.
Speaker A:It was a ghost, man.
Speaker A:You sure you weren't drinking and driving after that party you were bragging about going to?
Speaker A:Whoa.
Speaker B:Yeah, I was the janitor.
Speaker B:I only drink because it's my job.
Speaker A:Aw, whatever it takes to be a janitor.
Speaker A:We love you.
Speaker C:All right.
Speaker A:Very good stuff out there so far.
Speaker C:The next thing, the thing that I got is something that was sent to me by Ben.
Speaker C:It's from the creepypasta Files.
Speaker A:Oh, this is.
Speaker A:This is just more of a discussion based on our live show, and I thought it was kind of fun to go into a little bit of detail about this about this weird cryptid.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So you're not bringing up this is a cryptid.
Speaker C:I think that.
Speaker C:I think this is a character in a creepypasta.
Speaker B:This is a character in a creepypasta.
Speaker B:This is all.
Speaker B:This is a lot.
Speaker B:It was written by children.
Speaker B:There's a lot of here though.
Speaker B:But this is interesting.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:I mean we can go through the different.
Speaker C:Okay, so first of all, Pigman.
Speaker A:Pigman.
Speaker C:His real name being Stanley Johnson.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:Cryptids don't normally have real names.
Speaker B:No, normally they don't have aliens.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:He is a 59 year old man who suffered severe psychological damage due to the death of his wife.
Speaker C:Later losing himself to excessive alcoholism and then finally killing the last living people who loved him.
Speaker B:That's how it goes.
Speaker C:He dons a mask entirely made out of pig's flesh and head.
Speaker B:Is this some like weird altar, like the people that pretend to have like multiple personalities on TikTok?
Speaker A:Kind of.
Speaker A:But he also goes by the hog and pig head, which I think pig head is actually a little bit scarier than Pigman.
Speaker C:I think so too.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:But we covered.
Speaker B:Because the Pigman was a cryptid that was supposed to be Florida centric, correct?
Speaker C:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker C:Florida centric.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:He's a. Yeah, the Putnam Pigman.
Speaker C:Let's go through some of the.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:The occupation of the Pigman.
Speaker C:He's got a full character sheet here.
Speaker B:But honestly, he's a character.
Speaker B:He is a cryptid.
Speaker B:Why we got to make these cryptids got jobs?
Speaker B:Can't we have some kind of UBI for Cryptids?
Speaker B:There should be.
Speaker B:They should be allowed to just exist.
Speaker A:They can get like a Patreon.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:No, because if Sasquatch has a Patreon, I'll give them five a month.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Oh yeah.
Speaker C:Oh yeah.
Speaker B:Just get a shout out.
Speaker A:Just whatever.
Speaker A:Thank you for the shout out.
Speaker C:Sasquatch, the Occupation of the Pigman is military veteran.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:Powerful skills or powers?
Speaker C:Slash skills.
Speaker C:Powerful strength, hand to hand combat.
Speaker B:He's just a man.
Speaker B:He's a 59 year old man.
Speaker A:He's a pig man.
Speaker A:Or pig head.
Speaker C:He's a man who puts on a pig head in order to kill.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:And he doesn't shout.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:He's got experience with weapons.
Speaker C:He's got murder skills.
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker C:Tracking, evasion, aim and accuracy.
Speaker C:Endurance, high pain tolerance.
Speaker C:And he can imitate wild animal noises.
Speaker C:Most likely the.
Speaker B:Remember fun animal noises with the boys.
Speaker B:Yeah, fun noises with the boys.
Speaker A:Fun will be easy.
Speaker B:It's easy to do animal noises.
Speaker A:It's not that easy, man.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:Why you look at me like I'm.
Speaker A:That was a dog in pain.
Speaker A:That's a dog interested.
Speaker C:That is a dog interested.
Speaker C:Well, let's go through his personality.
Speaker C:He's hot tempered, aggressive, observant, mercurial, crafty, mistrustful of others, territorial and easily agitated.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker B:He's got a pig.
Speaker B:He's got a, like, decimated pig head on top of his own head.
Speaker B:Yeah, I bet he's agitated.
Speaker A:Well, he's also.
Speaker A:Don't forget the parents.
Speaker A:He's tall, overweight, yet muscular.
Speaker A:His daily outfit includes dirty, stained undershirts that express his beer gut.
Speaker A:He also wears a camouflage jacket and pants regularly, which he obtained while in the service.
Speaker A:He is dirty, but he's got laced up combat boots.
Speaker B:This feels like a character sheet for role playing games.
Speaker A:Yeah, I think it's kind of fun.
Speaker C:Do you want to know his pre.
Speaker C:Pigman likes?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:This feels like when I used to create comic book characters as a kid.
Speaker A:It's just there's so much to the pig Man.
Speaker A:I really can't.
Speaker A:I didn't know that until I.
Speaker C:Well, I think it's.
Speaker C:If you like.
Speaker C:It's a character from a recurring character from a creepypasta.
Speaker C:From many different creepypastas.
Speaker C:You know, like, you know, how slender.
Speaker C:Like, he's like a Slender man type character.
Speaker A:But no one's killing in the name of Pigman.
Speaker A:And why not?
Speaker A:You should.
Speaker B:I honestly feel like why not?
Speaker B:It's not a real Cryptid unless you kill for it.
Speaker A:Or try to anyway.
Speaker C:Yeah, well, his likes.
Speaker C:Pre Pigman.
Speaker C:We're hunting various woodland creatures.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker C:Wrestling.
Speaker B:Looking.
Speaker B:We're looking into the man right next to him.
Speaker C:Bonfires.
Speaker A:Who doesn't love that?
Speaker C:That pigs and cows.
Speaker B:Wait, this is my question.
Speaker B:So that's just a pre.
Speaker B:Pigman.
Speaker B:Like,.
Speaker C:There's a list that actually says.
Speaker B:I'm looking at it.
Speaker C:Parentheses, Pre Pigman.
Speaker C:Just so you know that this.
Speaker B:Because he doesn't like anything as Pigman.
Speaker C:As Pigman.
Speaker C:He's done with liking.
Speaker C:He can't.
Speaker A:He lost his wife, man.
Speaker B:She went away from him.
Speaker B:Yeah, there's no such good.
Speaker B:There's no such thing as a bad divorce.
Speaker A:That's not true.
Speaker C:Yeah, that's not true at all.
Speaker B:I mean, you don't know, But I mean, there's a reason why you're breaking up in the first place.
Speaker B:Move on, grow.
Speaker B:Find new things about yourself.
Speaker A:That is true.
Speaker A:That is true.
Speaker C:He also likes practicing his writing, although he's not very good at it.
Speaker B:Yeah, he just.
Speaker C:And springtime.
Speaker A:See?
Speaker A:And of Course that would make sense because he's a pig.
Speaker B:He's six foot three, pig man.
Speaker A:He's six foot three, 379 pounds.
Speaker C:Oh, God.
Speaker A:He's got a scar on his back that was caused by a bullet wound in combat.
Speaker A:His crossbow, he received.
Speaker A:That's how he kills people.
Speaker A:He got that as a gift from his father.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:I mean, this is just.
Speaker A:The guy is unbelievable.
Speaker A:And I just feel like we need to, you know, really.
Speaker C:And he said he's dangerous because he's 100% not afraid to get dirty.
Speaker C:He will mask his scent the old fashioned way.
Speaker C:Animal feces of urine, mud.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:But now his weaknesses, they do exist.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker C:His mask affects his overall vision.
Speaker C:He's used to being a well protected hunter.
Speaker C:So all it takes is a group or individual with knowledge of booby traps and intent to kill to hunt him.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker B:He also has a theme song.
Speaker B:Do you see this?
Speaker B:This Seems Forgiven by Concrete Blonde.
Speaker C:That's interesting.
Speaker B:Can we play this?
Speaker C:I suppose.
Speaker C:I guess we can.
Speaker C:But yeah, if you play chunk of.
Speaker B:What is Jesus, Jesus, Please Forgive Me by Concrete Blonde.
Speaker C:Concrete Blonde is a. I mean, concrete.
Speaker C:That's a deep cut, man.
Speaker C:That's a.
Speaker B:Here we go.
Speaker A:This is off the album Mexican Moon.
Speaker A:I guess it's good album.
Speaker A:This is for Pigman.
Speaker B:This is for Pigman.
Speaker A:I mean, I can see his little pigs now looking up to the moon.
Speaker A:You can see the shadow.
Speaker B:Best get some lunch before I start killing.
Speaker A:Oh, now this is Pig Man.
Speaker A:Now I get it, actually, because at first he's just a little pig boy, and now he's Pigman sauntering around looking for some mud.
Speaker A:He'll roll in mud, covered in feces.
Speaker A:All right, well, that's great.
Speaker C:Yeah, I figured you guys would like Concrete Blonde.
Speaker A:No, that was great.
Speaker A:Okay, well, there you go.
Speaker A:So anyway, that's just more of a little conversation about pygmy.
Speaker A:And he is hydrophobic.
Speaker A:He does not like water, apparently.
Speaker B:Now, he does like killing people when they're alone.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:And he will not hunt during a storm.
Speaker A:And if he must wash, he's extremely afraid and will only do it with his clothes on.
Speaker B:Oh, he's a never nude.
Speaker A:He's a never nude.
Speaker C:And the reasons behind that?
Speaker C:Being in the water makes him feel vulnerable.
Speaker A:Anyway, all right.
Speaker A:Thank you for entertaining my Pigman.
Speaker A:I was just like.
Speaker A:That is the most elaborate breakdown I have ever seen of anything that's not human.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:All right, here we go.
Speaker A:I'll read A tale from Mr. Henry Zabrowski.
Speaker A:This is called I can Fix Him.
Speaker A:And I think you wrote this one.
Speaker B:I wrote this one, and I'm excited.
Speaker B:So in this one, remember, you are a single woman.
Speaker B:In this,.
Speaker A:I was a lonely single woman, but I finally caught one.
Speaker A:Do you want me to do it?
Speaker B:I was lonely.
Speaker B:No, no.
Speaker A:It's better for you.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because.
Speaker B:Yeah, it sells.
Speaker B:Because you really should get into the atmosphere.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:I mean, and women can sound like me.
Speaker A:I was a lonely single woman, but I finally caught one.
Speaker A:I knew as soon as I heard about him, I could fix him.
Speaker A:He was just my type.
Speaker A:Too tall to be in an airplane, but also big.
Speaker A:Not athletic, but very loud.
Speaker A:He got clots the size of grapes.
Speaker A:This is actually just very offensive.
Speaker A:It's very offensive, actually.
Speaker A:Not athletic, but very loud.
Speaker A:He's got clots the size of grapes.
Speaker A:And he farts into a big paper bag and puts down his head for fun.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:I knew.
Speaker A:I can fix him.
Speaker B:I can fix him.
Speaker A:First thing to go.
Speaker A:First thing.
Speaker A:First thing is to go to the worst sports bar I've ever seen.
Speaker A:I know he'd be there screaming about the Tennessee Tiger Bears, how they didn't beat the spread.
Speaker A:It's not a team.
Speaker A:So I handed him my business card, and it read, come to this address for God.
Speaker A:And it said, come to this address for free titties and wings.
Speaker A:At first, he seemed skeptical.
Speaker A:But when I purchased him his ninth Bud Light line, he was following me like a Spitz on a leash.
Speaker A:When we got to my own personal wing zone, he couldn't be happier.
Speaker A:He had an order of 12 hot, Buffalo style, and he just gobbled them up on your flyer.
Speaker A:You said something about boobies, he said between bites.
Speaker A:Oh, boobies will come, my dear.
Speaker A:Then he ate his second round of 24 hot and spicy Jamaican jerk wings with a special halcyon rub.
Speaker A:Oh, man, I'm getting sleepy.
Speaker A:Must be all the wings, the big man said.
Speaker A:I can fix you, I told him as he drifted off to sleep.
Speaker A:When he awoke, I showed him how much better his life will be.
Speaker A:His legs were removed.
Speaker A:Who needs these clots anyway?
Speaker A:Now he can't leave.
Speaker A:I have put him.
Speaker A:I put two keg lines through his nose and into his stomach.
Speaker A:He'll never run out of BLS now.
Speaker A:That's nice, actually.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker A:His arms are also removed.
Speaker A:His arms?
Speaker A:I removed them just to make him even.
Speaker A:Cause apparently that was.
Speaker A:And on his chest, two ample new triple D breasts that he can look at all day.
Speaker A:Now he's in a tiny room with a 95 inch screen TV playing football all day.
Speaker A:I'm not even fucking with you.
Speaker A:He seems legit happy.
Speaker A:I'm not even fucking with you.
Speaker A:He seems legit happy.
Speaker A:I told him I could fix him so I have no more arms or legs.
Speaker A:Steady stream of BLS and 24 hour football.
Speaker A:Honestly, it could be worse.
Speaker A:It could be worse.
Speaker A:I'm not even upset.
Speaker A:I'm not even upset.
Speaker A:I don't like the drugging part.
Speaker A:I would have.
Speaker A:There's no reason why I had to lose my arms.
Speaker B:No, no, no.
Speaker B:That was just because I needed to add another dimension.
Speaker C:It's fun.
Speaker C:It's like a combination of a misery audition and tusk.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Well, that was very nice.
Speaker A:Thank you for taking the time to write that.
Speaker B:Yeah, I did.
Speaker B:I did write something and it was.
Speaker A:Nice because you corrected it because you said Bud Light line.
Speaker A:But then this, the constant stream will be Bud Light.
Speaker A:Because I actually don't like Bud Light.
Speaker B:Yeah, the Bud Light line to just, you know, for the fans.
Speaker A:For the fans.
Speaker C:Yeah, it's for the fans.
Speaker C:Some fans.
Speaker A:So this one that you have here is.
Speaker A:It's quite long.
Speaker A:This is long, but it is fun.
Speaker B:I just want to start off by saying, if you want an answer at the end, prepare to be disappointed.
Speaker B:Just as I'm one.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:I like that.
Speaker B:Be prepared to be disappointed.
Speaker B:That's how I like to start off most pitches.
Speaker B: elodeon Studios for a year in: Speaker B:It wasn't paid, of course.
Speaker B:Most internships aren't, but it did have some perks beyond education to adults.
Speaker B:It might not seem like a big one, but most kids at the time would go crazy over it.
Speaker B:Now, since I worked directly with the editors and animators, I got to view the new episodes days before they aired.
Speaker B:I'll get right to it.
Speaker B:Without giving too many unnecessary details, they had very recently made the spongebob movie, and the entire staff was somewhat sapped of creativity.
Speaker B:So it took them longer to start up the season.
Speaker B:Season.
Speaker B:But the delay lasted longer for more upsetting reasons.
Speaker B:There was a problem with the series four premiere that set everyone and everything back for several months.
Speaker A:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker A:What could it be?
Speaker B:Me and two other interns were in the editing room.
Speaker B:Me and the other two interns were in the editing room, along with the lead animators and sound editors.
Speaker B:For the final cut, we received the copy that was supposed to be Fear of a Crabby Path and gathered around the screen to watch.
Speaker B:Remember this?
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker C:Fear of a Krabby Patty.
Speaker C:Is that a play on Fear of a Black Planet?
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker A:No, Krabby Patty.
Speaker A:That's what they eat in the.
Speaker B:But he's saying the opposite.
Speaker C:But it's a play.
Speaker C:It's a play.
Speaker C:It's like a parody, like a play on words.
Speaker A:This is a creepypasta.
Speaker A:This is a creepy pasta.
Speaker C:Maybe I just got Chuck D on the brain.
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker B:Yeah, who knows?
Speaker B:Who knows?
Speaker B:Now, given that it isn't final yet, animators often put a mock title card sort of inside joke for us with phony oftentimes titles such as How Sex Doesn't Work instead of Rock A Bye bye valve, when SpongeBob and Patrick adopt a sea scallop.
Speaker B:Nothing particularly funny, but work related chuckles.
Speaker B:So when we saw this title card, Squidward Suicide, we didn't think it was more than a morbid joke, okay?
Speaker B:One of the interns did a small throat laugh at it.
Speaker B:The story begins with Squidward practicing his clarinet, hitting a few sour notes like normal.
Speaker B:Normal.
Speaker B:We hear spongebob laughing outside and Squidward stops yelling at him to keep it down as he has a concert that night and needs to practice.
Speaker B:Oh.
Speaker B:SpongeBob says, oh, die and goes to see Sandy with Patrick.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:I honestly have never really seen a lot of spongebob.
Speaker C:Sandy's the.
Speaker C:Sandy's a squirrel in the spacesuit and Patrick's a starfish.
Speaker C:Patrick's a starfish, Patrick's a starfish and Sandy's a squirrel.
Speaker A:Okay, yeah, Patrick is kind of funny, but he's also shy and he's like a little bit like, oh, I can't believe I made a mistake again.
Speaker B:That's sure.
Speaker C:I once saw a really interesting documentary that had skin diamond, as I remember.
Speaker B:This documentary, and it was very illuminating.
Speaker B:The Private Lives of Squidward.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:Now this is where things begin to seem off while playing.
Speaker B:A few frames repeat themselves, but the sound doesn't at this point is synced up with animation.
Speaker B:So yes, that's not common.
Speaker B:But when he stops playing, the sound finishes as if the skip never happened.
Speaker B:There's a slight murmuring in the crowd before they begin to boo him.
Speaker B:Not normal cartoon booing that is common on the show, but you could very hear how the malice in it.
Speaker B:Squidward's in full frame and looks visibly afraid.
Speaker B:The shot goes to the crowd with spongebob at center frame, and he is too is booing very much unlike him.
Speaker B:That isn't the oddest thing though.
Speaker B:What is odd is everyone had hyper realistic.
Speaker A:Doll's eyes.
Speaker B:Very detailed.
Speaker B:Clearly not shots of real people's eyes, but something a bit more real than cgi.
Speaker B:The pupils were red.
Speaker B:Some of us looked at each other, obviously confused, but since we weren't the writers, we didn't question its appeal to children yet.
Speaker B:The shot goes to Squidward, sitting on the very edge of his bed, looking forlorn.
Speaker B:The view out of his porthole window is that of a night sky, so it isn't very long after the concept.
Speaker B:The unsettling part is, at this point, there is no sound.
Speaker B:Literally no sound.
Speaker B:Not even the feedback from the speakers in the room.
Speaker B:It's as if the speakers were turned off, though their status showed that they were working perfectly.
Speaker B:He just sat there blinking in the silence for about 30 seconds.
Speaker B:And then he started to sob softly.
Speaker B:He put his hands tentacles over his eyes and cried quietly for a full minute more.
Speaker B:All the while a sound in the background very slowly growing from nothing to barely audible.
Speaker B:It sounded like a snow breeze through a forest.
Speaker B:The screen slowly begins to zoom in on his face.
Speaker B:By slow I mean it's only noticeable if you look at shots 10 seconds apart, side by side.
Speaker B:His sobbing gets louder, more full of hurt and anger.
Speaker B:The screen then twitches a bit as it twists in on itself for a split second.
Speaker B:Then it goes back to normal.
Speaker B:The wind through the trees sound gets slowly louder and more severe, as if the storm is brewing somewhere.
Speaker B:The eerie part is the sound and Squidward sobbing.
Speaker B:It sounds real, as if the sound wasn't coming from the speakers.
Speaker B:But it's as if the speakers were holes and the sound were coming through them from the other side.
Speaker B:As good as sound as the studio likes to have, they don't purchase the equipment to be that good to produce that kind of sound quality.
Speaker B:Right below the sound of the wind and the sobbing, very faint.
Speaker B:Something sounded like laughing.
Speaker B:All right.
Speaker B:It came in odd intervals and it never lasted more than a second, so you had a hard time pinning it.
Speaker B:We watched the show.
Speaker B:Now, after 30 seconds of this, the screen blurred and twitched violently.
Speaker B:Something flashed over the screen as if a single frame was replaced.
Speaker B:The lead animation editor paused and rewound frame by frame.
Speaker B:What we saw was horrible.
Speaker B:It was a still photo of a dead child.
Speaker B:He couldn't have been more than six.
Speaker B:It couldn't have been more than sex.
Speaker B:No Sax years old.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:The face was mangled and bloody.
Speaker B:One eye dangling over his upturned face popped.
Speaker B:He was lying down in his underwear, his stomach crudely cut open and his entrails laying beside him, he was laying on some pavement.
Speaker B:It's probably a road.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:The most upsetting part was that it's.
Speaker C:Probably like, if I had a guess, like where a kid Deku was on.
Speaker C:It's probably a road, you know.
Speaker A:It gets pretty scary though, doesn't it?
Speaker B:It wasn't a chair, it wasn't a field, it wasn't a couch.
Speaker B:The most upsetting part, that there was a shadow of the photographer.
Speaker B:There was no crime tape, no evidence tags or markers, and the angle was completely off for a shot designed to be evidence.
Speaker B:It would seem the photographer was the person responsible for the child's death.
Speaker B:We were of course mortified, but pressed on, hoping that was just a sick joke.
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker B:Can you imagine wasting this much of Nickelodeon's money to animate a fully real version of a dead eviscerated child and then putting it into spongebob.
Speaker B:All of these hours spent everyone watching it.
Speaker A:They do it, man.
Speaker B:I don't think this is a joke.
Speaker A:Millisecond stuff they do, but I don't.
Speaker B:Think this is a joke.
Speaker B:Kissel.
Speaker B:Okay, the screen flip black.
Speaker B:The screen flipped back to Squidward, still sobbing, louder than before.
Speaker B:Half body in frame now.
Speaker B:There was blood running down from his face, from his eyes.
Speaker B:The blood was also done in hyper realistic style, looking as if he touched it.
Speaker B:You get blood on your fingers from the TV screen.
Speaker B:The wind sounded out as if it were like a gale.
Speaker B:There was even a snapping sound of branches.
Speaker B:Then laughing.
Speaker B:A deep baritone laughter lasting at longer intervals, coming more frequently.
Speaker B:And then they showed a single frame photo.
Speaker B:The editor was looking to go back, but we were all were.
Speaker B:We knew we had to.
Speaker B:This time the photo was.
Speaker B:You had to because this, bro, we had to go back, man.
Speaker B:We're here, man.
Speaker B:We're in the screen.
Speaker B:This time the photo was that of what appeared to be a little girl, no under, no older than the first child.
Speaker B:She was laying on her stomach, her breasts a pool, blood next to her.
Speaker B:Her left eye was too, was popped out.
Speaker B:And she was naked except for her underpants.
Speaker B:Her entrails were piled on top of her from a bum above.
Speaker B:Love.
Speaker B:Crude cut from her back.
Speaker B:You.
Speaker B:You chose this.
Speaker A:I know, it's gross again.
Speaker B:The body was on the street.
Speaker B:The photographer's shadow was visible.
Speaker B:Very similar in size and shape to the first.
Speaker B:So it had to be that guy.
Speaker B:And he had a choke back, vomit.
Speaker B:And one intern, the only female in the room, she ran out, she screamed.
Speaker B:They kept watching it.
Speaker A:I mean, the guys could also run out just because it was like A old.
Speaker A:I mean, you know, the girl ran out.
Speaker B:Good Lord.
Speaker B:Also, it is sad that there was only one woman in it.
Speaker A:Good point.
Speaker B:After five seconds after the photo was.
Speaker C:It's also weird that he pointed out that there was only one female in the room.
Speaker C:Why would he point that out?
Speaker B:There was only one.
Speaker B:She couldn't handle it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:This is SpongeBob.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker B:We do pranks on each other.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker B:Like Brad Pitt.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And the other guy.
Speaker B:Handsome guy.
Speaker B:George Washington.
Speaker A:Army hammer.
Speaker B:George Clooney.
Speaker B:Oh.
Speaker B:He put his tentacles down and his eyes are now in hyper realism like the others.
Speaker B:In the beginning of the episode, they were bleeding and bloodshot pulsed.
Speaker B:He stared at the screen as if watching the Viewer.
Speaker B:After about 10 seconds, he started sobbing.
Speaker B:This time he's not covering his eyes.
Speaker B:The sound was piercing and loud, almost fear inducing.
Speaker B:Of all of his sobbing was mixed.
Speaker A:With screams like Squidward.
Speaker B:You ever cried aggressively at someone?
Speaker A:Oh, yeah, Once or twice, yeah.
Speaker B:Tears and blood were dripping down his face at a heavy rate.
Speaker A:It is longer than I expected.
Speaker B:It is the wind.
Speaker B:It came back.
Speaker B:Back.
Speaker B:The photo lasted for five frames.
Speaker B:The animator was able to stop it on the fourth and he backed up.
Speaker B:This time the photo was of a boy, but same age.
Speaker B:But this time you see different.
Speaker B:No, you did.
Speaker A:The.
Speaker B:The entrails were just being pulled out from a stomach wound by a large hand.
Speaker B:The right eye is popping and it was dangling.
Speaker C:Oh, but this time it's the right eye, not the left eye.
Speaker C:Not.
Speaker C:These other two were the left eye.
Speaker C:Then he made sure to say that both were the left eye.
Speaker C:But this was the right eye.
Speaker B:This was the right eye.
Speaker A:Boy, when I was reading this to Puffin it, I think it went by quicker.
Speaker B:Yeah, I mean, I think you were.
Speaker B:I'll tell you what, these Nickelodeon animators need to be famed.
Speaker B:All right.
Speaker B:The animator proceeded.
Speaker B:It was hard to believe, but the next one was different.
Speaker B:But we couldn't tell what he went on to.
Speaker B:The next it was the same thing.
Speaker B:Was another boy who's dead.
Speaker B:He went back to the first.
Speaker B:He played him quicker and then he lost it.
Speaker B:He got you vomited all over the floor.
Speaker B:The animating sound editors gasping at the screen.
Speaker B:Why did no one just go home?
Speaker A:I really.
Speaker A:I should have.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:Just check, please.
Speaker A:I gotta go.
Speaker B:The frame.
Speaker B:Frames were not as they.
Speaker B:As if they were five different photos.
Speaker B:They were played out as if they were frames from a video.
Speaker B:We saw the top to the last line slowly lift out the guts.
Speaker B:We saw the kid's eyes focus on it and he was blinking.
Speaker B:The kids blinking.
Speaker B:The sound editor is like, why don't we stop?
Speaker B:And he had a call in the crater, I think Mr. Spongebob, his last name is legally.
Speaker B:He changed it legally to spongebob.
Speaker B:The creator showed to.
Speaker B:The showrunner, was like, what's going on here, bro?
Speaker B:And they showed all this kind of.
Speaker B:I'm just gonna go.
Speaker B:Yeah, I'm gonna go to the end.
Speaker B:There was an investigation due to the nature of the photos.
Speaker B:There's like four more paragraphs of it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:It's basically all the same thing.
Speaker A:So I kind of edited that too, when I was reading that.
Speaker A:Kind of skipped around a little, too.
Speaker C:Yeah, it's never a good idea if you're reading it and you're like, wow, this is boring.
Speaker C:Let me skip around.
Speaker A:No, it's not boring.
Speaker A:I thought it was very exciting.
Speaker A:Exciting, but it's just.
Speaker A:The final three paragraphs are just like the other three paragraphs.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:There was an investigation due to the nature of the photos.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:But nothing came of it.
Speaker B:No child scene was identified, and no clues were gathered from the data involved or nor physical clues on the photos.
Speaker B:I never believed in unexplainable phenomena before, but now that I've seen something happen and I can't prove anything about it beyond anecdotal evidence, I think twice about things.
Speaker A:Huh.
Speaker A:Well, you didn't really stick the landing there, but it is scary to think about what happens in an editor's room.
Speaker A:Room.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:Scary stuff.
Speaker A:Takes some.
Speaker A:Listen to SpongeBob.
Speaker C:What's that mo?
Speaker C:What's that amazing horror movie?
Speaker C:That's Evil Ed.
Speaker C:Yeah, that was great.
Speaker B:Here's also that other sound one, Airheads.
Speaker A:Airheads was a fantastic feature.
Speaker C:All right.
Speaker A:Well, there, that was.
Speaker A:Thank you for indulging me.
Speaker A:Guts.
Speaker A:Yeah, they probably could have done a little edit on that, but A little bit.
Speaker C:A little.
Speaker C:But, yeah, that he's, you know, over and over again.
Speaker C:You got to make sure.
Speaker C:But that's the thing.
Speaker C:At the end, he said they never identified the boy, but wasn't.
Speaker C:Didn't he say there were about four or five boys?
Speaker A:Yeah, there was five total.
Speaker B:Yes, they described five, include four boys and one girl.
Speaker A:Oh, maybe it was them.
Speaker B:Nickelodeon.
Speaker A:Maybe it was the editors.
Speaker B:No, they're saying it wasn't them.
Speaker B:They're all like, I don't know what this is.
Speaker B:Oh, well, they're all like, oh, not me.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker C:All right, I got another story.
Speaker C:This one is another one that Henry has sent me.
Speaker C:Henry, where did this one come from?
Speaker B:This comes from all the way from the past, my friend.
Speaker B:From the very, very beginning.
Speaker A:Ah.
Speaker A:Is this written by you?
Speaker B:No.
Speaker A:So you're not gonna roast him?
Speaker B:No, no, no, no.
Speaker B:I'm leaving Marcus alone.
Speaker C:Thank you.
Speaker C:It's been a hard year.
Speaker A:Your bread is buttered.
Speaker B:I guess,.
Speaker C:Theoretically, you and your romantic partner, who is most likely of the female gender, are accompanying each other when the cellular telephone, of which you are the legally owner, abruptly emits an audible tone, which is highly likely to be your default sound, that will play when someone of your.
Speaker C:When someone from another location, usually within your country of residence, depending on your telephone carrier or provider inputs a finite pattern composed of numerical units into their legally owned cellular telephone, which in turn will send a wave that goes through a complex process that includes radios and telephone towers.
Speaker A:Yo, am I learning here?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:If you tell, you got a trigger warning learning headphones.
Speaker C:You walk over to the area that the cellular telephone is physically placed and you translate the telephone receiver from its resting area where it is mechanically constructed to fit into all the way in the direction toward your eardrums.
Speaker C:And then place the northern part of the device to your ear and then place the southern part near your mouth, most likely onto your cheek.
Speaker C:A voice that resembles that of an adult male proclaims, what activity are you currently in the process of completing that involves having my flight female offspring attend?
Speaker C:You immediately notify your female romantic companion and she educates you on the objective fact that the paternal guardian that she normally refers to as father has stopped living sometime in the past and is also currently deceased.
Speaker C:If the details of this story are in fact the truth, then it is now your duty to answer the question of who was calling you and your romantic companion on your cellular telephone.
Speaker A:Ratchet up of who was phone?
Speaker A:Yeah, man, yeah.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:A bunch of ten dollar words in there.
Speaker A:Ten dollar words.
Speaker C:Super fancy shit, man.
Speaker B:Man.
Speaker B:Hey, man.
Speaker B:It's been a long time since I even thought about who was phone.
Speaker C:Me too.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Okay, here we go.
Speaker B:Except for that movie that still hasn't, I believe.
Speaker B:I don't know if it's still had already come out.
Speaker B:The movie that was called who Was Fun, huh?
Speaker A:All right, we just have two more creepy tales.
Speaker A:This one to me, given by Marcus.
Speaker A:It started as a leak.
Speaker A:The rainy season began in early summer and June had been no exception.
Speaker A:It did not surprise the man when he discovered rainwater dripping from his dining room ceiling.
Speaker A:Shrugging it off, he placed a tall pot beneath the leak and expected it to stop on its own.
Speaker A:However.
Speaker A:However, it continued to rain.
Speaker A:And before he Knew it.
Speaker A:The pot would threaten to overflow.
Speaker A:I'm gonna overthrow.
Speaker A:I'm gonna overflow.
Speaker A:He had to dump the water out first thing in the morning and straight after he returned home from work.
Speaker A:Eventually, he began to notice water damage at the source of the leak.
Speaker A:The white ceiling had discolored, turning a dull shade of brown.
Speaker A:He checked the weather and realized that it would continue to rain sporadically over the next 10 days.
Speaker B:You need a mold and remediator in there and they'll charge you whatever, man.
Speaker B:Especially.
Speaker B:Cause they're the ones with the insurance companies.
Speaker B:The insurance companies, they also.
Speaker B:Will they try not to pay out, no matter fucking what.
Speaker B:That's the real fucking horror story here.
Speaker B:This is about home insurance.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:The man was worried that the ceiling was going to mildew and becoming an expensive repair.
Speaker A:So he called a local handyman.
Speaker A:Unfortunately, the man could not sign.
Speaker A:The man could not sign to have the repairs done.
Speaker A:Only his landlord could.
Speaker A:He must be a renter.
Speaker A:It was a frustrate.
Speaker A:It was a frustrating policy.
Speaker A:The man called his landlord but could not reach him.
Speaker A:He let him.
Speaker A:He left him a few voicemails detailing how the damage was becoming progressively worse.
Speaker A:The man was clueless to why his landlord would not return his calls.
Speaker A:They usually kept in touch, speaking at least twice a month.
Speaker A:Finally, he reasoned that he would not be held accountable for any damages sustained.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Fucking landlords, right?
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:One night, the man was startled awake by a massive thump.
Speaker A:He quickly turned on his bedside lamp and just vanished.
Speaker A:Vaguely he could see an overturned table and a large shape lying across it.
Speaker A:He sprinted out of his apartment and called the police, gagging at the smell.
Speaker A:The man sat in the police station with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and coffee mug resting in his hands.
Speaker A:He did know one thing.
Speaker A:There had been a dead body in his ceiling and the water had saturated it so badly that it caved in under the weight.
Speaker A:So far, the body was unidentifiable due to the rainwater and was being autopsied.
Speaker A:While the man walked, he called his landlord and finally reached him, panicking as he explained the situation.
Speaker A:His landlord was just as alarmed and the man pleaded for him to come to the station while he made his statement.
Speaker A:The man paused as the detective crossed over him and he lowered his phone, wondering if the body had been identified.
Speaker A:His blood ran immediately cold and he shook his head with terror.
Speaker A:The body belonged to Richard Thompson, his landlord.
Speaker A:He got the landlord and he had died over a year ago.
Speaker A:But that's not what disturbed him the most.
Speaker A:If the landlord was dead.
Speaker A:Then who was pretending to be?
Speaker A:Oh, my God.
Speaker A:You imagine that, killing somebody and taking their job, but you kill a landlord.
Speaker A:What a nightmare.
Speaker C:That's the nightmare.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You became.
Speaker B:You are.
Speaker B:You're a landlord to become a super.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:Why are you pretending to be a super?
Speaker B:It's one of the worst jobs.
Speaker C:You are the most hated person in the building.
Speaker B:We only hate.
Speaker B:All right, well, now, I asked.
Speaker B:I requested.
Speaker B:Right, because we said, I've read erotica over and over again and we've requested it.
Speaker B:And I told you there was one cryptid that had never gotten its erotica do.
Speaker B:It's a Flatwoods monster.
Speaker B:All right, all right.
Speaker B:No one wants to fuck him.
Speaker B:And I don't know why we're gonna get into it right now.
Speaker B:This is written by Libby Hawker.
Speaker B:Thank you for sending us this.
Speaker A:Thank you, Libby.
Speaker C:Thank you, thank you.
Speaker B:Everyone has a dream, a life's goal.
Speaker B:A passion to give shape and substance to a life.
Speaker B:Some people collect precious objects.
Speaker B:The beautiful and the rare.
Speaker B:Some are driven to climb mountains, to summit the deadliest peaks.
Speaker B:To stand unconquered on a hostile summit, looking down on the tame world far below.
Speaker B:We all have our dreams, our obsession.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker B:My name is Phineas T. Bird Pocket and I fuck Cryptids.
Speaker B:I can't tell you where my particular passion began.
Speaker B:All I know is that even as a child, the thought of a monster under my bed never filled me with terror, but rather a delightful sense of anticipation.
Speaker B:I used a deliberate hang.
Speaker B:I used to deliberately hang my feet off the edge of my mattress, hoping to feel the grasping claws of the creature I'd imagined in the darkness below me.
Speaker B:Hoping for some confirmation that it wasn't my imagination at all.
Speaker B:I wanted the shadow man in the closet to be real.
Speaker B:Wanted to actually hear the werewolves howling.
Speaker B:To see the slanted black eyes of an off world visitor looking through my bedroom window.
Speaker B:Not just pretend to have seen.
Speaker B:And now, as I grew, my dark imaginings took on a different tone.
Speaker B:Actually, naturally, perhaps.
Speaker B:Or perhaps my desires are completely unnatural.
Speaker B:I don't care either way.
Speaker B:I am what circumstance has made me, what God has made me, if you prefer.
Speaker B:Oh, I have tasted the pleasures of human on human coupling with every conceivable gender.
Speaker B:I've engaged in every legal paraphilia from BDSM to sampling Travis Morningstar's TikTok algorithm.
Speaker B:These are carnal desires to be found anywhere one looks.
Speaker B:But no erotic dish can match the savor of copulation with the cryptid.
Speaker B:Bigfoot was my first.
Speaker B:A female, a gentle and unselfconscious creature Easily tempted into playful experimentation With a handful of dried beans and a few encouraging kisses.
Speaker B:After her, I engaged with many more bigfoots, for they are singularly horny species, Though at first their hulking size and wild, dangerous flailing Gave me just the right balance of concupiscence and titillating fear.
Speaker A:Oh, my concupiscence.
Speaker B:Concupescence.
Speaker B:Concupiscence.
Speaker C:That's a new one for me.
Speaker B:I do like it.
Speaker B:I soon came to know their ways all too well, and the bigfoots became as commonplace to me as ordinary women and men.
Speaker B:Oh.
Speaker B:My desires became insatiable, My thoughts constantly preoccupied by the lithe, slinking bodies of chupacabras, the firm asses of dog men, the alluring flukes of the loch Ness monster.
Speaker B:The fever had settled deep into my back, but then I knew I'd never rest until I every cryptid on the north American continent.
Speaker C:Wow.
Speaker B:When I reached the age of 30, I inherited a modest fortune from my father, Philastus H. Bird pocket.
Speaker B:I found myself unencumbered, free to wander with.
Speaker B:It was then I began visiting the locations of famous cryptid sightings, Ever hopeful for an encounter and more hopeful still that such encounters would lead to new erotic delights.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:In the deserts of new Mexico, I was pro by species spaceman.
Speaker B:And probe their strange anatomy in turn.
Speaker B:In Kentucky, I engage in a veritable orgy with cave goblins.
Speaker B:I waited through the murky shallows of boggy creek, Deep in the Arkansas wilderness, Until I met the folk monster and spent several days in his company, Giving and receiving pleasures that cannot be comprehended by the mind of an ordinary man.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:It was on the journey back down boggy creek that I began to suspect a greater purpose behind my obsession.
Speaker B:Something about those days and nights and folks look had settled deep into my psyche, and I was left with a nagging certainty that I wasn't just a malingering pervert Wasting the bird pocket fortune on an x files version of bang bus.
Speaker B:Some outside force was compelling me to engage so intimately with these beings.
Speaker B:There was something I was meant to learn from them, Some lesson, some deep, esoteric knowledge which I had been tasked with finding and revealing to humanity.
Speaker B:And as I splashed down the dismal mire of boggy creek, I told myself it couldn't be true.
Speaker A:I like this Jodie foster.
Speaker A:You're slipping into.
Speaker B:Ye.
Speaker B:It's big fat man.
Speaker B:Was it?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker B:Somebody else?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:She didn't say that.
Speaker B:I don't know why.
Speaker B:I swear.
Speaker B:It's weird though they were the same in my mind.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I was merely just trying to justify what seemed to be dark, inexcusable compulsion.
Speaker B:And yet the certainty remained.
Speaker B:I got close once to discovering the true heart of my life's purpose.
Speaker B:I found myself wrapped in the leathery wings of the Jersey Devil, the pines of the lonely barons reeling around me as I teetered on the precipice of orgasm.
Speaker B:And in that moment I thought that the Jersey Devil was trying to speak to to me, to torture its horse like grunts and squeals into human language, into English.
Speaker B:And later, in the dark and damp of the TNT plant, with my own cries echoing from cold cement walls.
Speaker B:Mothman's insect like mandibles seeming to form words I almost recognize as he grazed my feverish skin.
Speaker A:Oh my.
Speaker B:But no matter how many creatures I no matter how I try to connect with them on the deepest possible level, I could never understand the words they attempted to speak.
Speaker B:I could never hear their message.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker B:Time was running out from.
Speaker B:From me.
Speaker B:I'd fucked almost every cryptid on the North American continent, and still the message from beyond space and time remained elusive.
Speaker B:I have but one more creature left to bang.
Speaker B: rst sighting in the summer of: Speaker B:The Flatwoods Monster.
Speaker B:That was how I found myself, entrenched in a secret biovac deep in the forest edge of a farmer's property in rural West Virginia.
Speaker B:I'd remain there for weeks, living off MREs I'd sourced from an army surplus store, passing the days in camouflage clothing among the leaf litter and the brush.
Speaker B:I'd obtained the father's permission to camp on his land.
Speaker B:And so I was forced to remain silent as still as possible, waiting for some sign, some faint indication that the creature was near the last one on my list.
Speaker B:My last chance to comprehend this great wisdom, this knowledge for which I had alone been chosen as messenger.
Speaker B:Okay, the summer was almost over.
Speaker B:Cold weather would soon set in, and then I'd be forced to to give up the pursuit.
Speaker B:At least until the following spring.
Speaker B:The ancient Appalachian Mountains seem to watch me day and night with patient and hostile eyes.
Speaker B:But I was determined not to be thwarted.
Speaker B:I would the Flatwoods Monster got to and if it has a message for me, indeed for all humanity, I would carry its words faithfully to the widest possible audience.
Speaker B:Else what had my life been for?
Speaker A:Absolutely nothing.
Speaker A:You're just a bunch of crypt.
Speaker B:I'm just strange.
Speaker B:Finally, the night of the first frost came.
Speaker B:I huddled my miserable camp, shivering with dejected certainty that the elements and the monster itself had won this round.
Speaker B:I would be forced to give up this chase until milder weather came.
Speaker B:But just as I rose from my hidden blind to make my way to my sleeping bag, a brilliant fire streaked across the sky, illuminating the tops of the trees.
Speaker B:My breath seized in my throat.
Speaker B:Time itself seemed to halt in its tracks.
Speaker B:I watched the light descend into a clearing not far away.
Speaker B:And when I could breathe again, I smelled the distinctive bite of sulfur in the air.
Speaker B:Yes, I told myself.
Speaker B:Yes, this is it.
Speaker B:These are the very signs that were recorded by the Flatwoods witnesses almost 70 years ago.
Speaker B:The moment had come.
Speaker B:And soon I would come too.
Speaker B:Whoa.
Speaker B:I hurried through the woodland, no longer careful to disguise my presence.
Speaker B:For time had run out, and this was my very last chance.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Yet I shouldn't have feared.
Speaker B:When I reached the edge of the clearing, there the creature was, gazing at me with its large luminous eyes as if in expectation.
Speaker B:It was magnetic, a live, majestic being.
Speaker B:At least 10ft tall, though it hovered slightly above the ground.
Speaker B:Its upper body was trim and appealing, with a bare greenish skin.
Speaker B:Its shape was almost humanoid, though the arms were far too long and articulated strangely with far more joints than any man's skeleton contained.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:At the ends of its appendages were dozens of long, slender fingers, and they moved ceaselessly, like the antenna of some blind, searching insect.
Speaker B:The lower portion of its body was hidden by a flowing metallic strip skirt rippled over the scorched grass.
Speaker B:As it moved slowly in my direction, I could see that nothing of its face, for light from its round red eyes obscured all shape and form, save for the suggestion of a spade like structure through which I found the hood the creature wore or some feature of its anatomy, I couldn't tell.
Speaker B:The monster's eyes flared, then traveled down my body to the evidence of my unrestrained excitement.
Speaker B:I made a sound, a long burbling hiss.
Speaker B:I thought I could hear the beginnings of words in the creatures vocalization, words that I might understand if only I could get closer and closer still.
Speaker B:Yes, I said to the monster.
Speaker B:You see me.
Speaker B:You know what I want.
Speaker B:I've come all this way, waited here for you, ready to give you what you've come for.
Speaker B:Now all you got to do is take it.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:Well, let's get on to the sex.
Speaker B:The creature extended its arms.
Speaker B:Many jittering fingers found me, surrounding my head first and moving slowly down to my shoulders.
Speaker B:The and lower still.
Speaker B:I held perfectly still, allowing the beast to explore.
Speaker B:Each small appendage tapped and prodded, mapping the shape of my human frame, so small in relation to the monster, so vulnerable and weak.
Speaker B:The sensuous tapping of its countless fingers aroused me to such a state that when it found my I could barely hold back a groan of aching desire and he again it hissed again once more.
Speaker B:The words were not words whispered along the edge of comprehension.
Speaker B:Comprehension.
Speaker B:Just to come so close to understanding the message and yet to never hear the words themselves.
Speaker B:That was the greater tension than any other need, the baser need to even to plunge myself into this unfathomable mystery and fuck it until we were both drowned in a gush of all the worldly goo.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker B:I whispered as it went on caressing my junior bird pocket.
Speaker B:What are you trying to say to me?
Speaker B:What message do you have?
Speaker B:Only tell me.
Speaker B:I'll make it sure.
Speaker B:Everybody know?
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker B:Maybe we need to get closer, I suggested.
Speaker B:Maybe I need to get inside you before I can understand.
Speaker B:I lifted its flowing skirt, probing with my hand hands and found a likely opening.
Speaker B:When I prodded and rubbed, the creature writhed in delight.
Speaker A:Oh my God.
Speaker B:So I kept on until it grew a long, thin proboscis from somewhere unseen.
Speaker A:Cloaca.
Speaker B:The new lamb bumped impatiently at my arm and writhed its way towards me, seeking me with an urgency that mirrored my own.
Speaker B:I know what you want, I said teasingly.
Speaker B:You only get right up in old Phineas's guts, don't you, Flatty?
Speaker B:You're a bad dirty monster.
Speaker B:You sick folks.
Speaker B:My taunting made its long green probe lash all the harder.
Speaker B:Evidently he could understand English well enough.
Speaker A:I guess I was close.
Speaker B:So close to my goal.
Speaker B:If only I can get the creature to speak.
Speaker B:Okay, I said, fumbling with my belt buckle, here it comes.
Speaker B:You dirty fucking monster.
Speaker B:Hope you're ready to me good and hard.
Speaker B:Cause I've been fucked by Sasquatch.
Speaker B:I've been fucked by Slenderman.
Speaker B:I've been fucked by a black eyed kid who just reached age 18.
Speaker A:That's good.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Are you monster enough to fuck this ass?
Speaker A:Are you?
Speaker B:The creature could detain.
Speaker B:It could contain itself no more.
Speaker B:All its groping fingers seized me and turned me about.
Speaker B:I found myself bent double, staring down at the burnt grass, and a moment later its rambunctious probe plunged deep inside.
Speaker A:Oh my.
Speaker B:The combination of surprise and pleasure ripped a hoarse cry from my throat.
Speaker B:I called out again as the creature began to thrust, and soon I could hear dogs barking at the nearby farm.
Speaker B:I didn't have much time left.
Speaker B:The farmer would come running to investigate my caterwauling and Then you would find me in flagrante delicto with a 10 foot tall monster in a skirt.
Speaker B:My secret obsession would be known.
Speaker B:The good reputation and the good reputation of the bird pocket family would be ruined forever.
Speaker B:And worse, I might never know the secret all these fine ass cryptids have been trying to impart.
Speaker B:So tell me.
Speaker B:As it throbbed, as it pounded away my throbbing hole.
Speaker B:Give me the message.
Speaker B:Give it to me now.
Speaker B:Flatty.
Speaker B:The creature emitted a raging hiss which turned into a series of clicks and then a moan that was almost a word.
Speaker B:I could hear men shouting and the door distance.
Speaker B:The dogs baying as they came closer.
Speaker B:You have to tell me.
Speaker B:What is it you've been trying to tell me all this time?
Speaker B:Again it struggled to speak this.
Speaker B:It was so close to human language I could almost understand.
Speaker B:The excitement was too much to bear.
Speaker B:Between the lively member deep in my ass and the threat of imminent discovery, I was almost ready to spill over in a rush of heat and triumph.
Speaker B:I could tell the monster was getting close too.
Speaker B:Its dozens of fingers tightened around my hips.
Speaker B:You tell me.
Speaker B:Tell me.
Speaker B:I was almost solvent as I pleaded for the payoff, the thing I'd come for.
Speaker B:I felt the Flatwoods monster bend over me.
Speaker B:So close.
Speaker B:The heat from its glowing eyes seared the back of my neck.
Speaker B:Its mysterious face was just beside my ears now as the monster and I came together and hissed.
Speaker A:Oh, nice.
Speaker B:Alcatraz means pelican.
Speaker B:That's a fucking shit.
Speaker B:That's the end.
Speaker A:The Flatwood monster said Alcatraz.
Speaker A:Rasmian's Belladon.
Speaker A:That's the end of it.
Speaker B:Fucking.
Speaker A:We'll do it next year.
Speaker C:We'll do it next year again.
Speaker A:That's great.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for submitting that.
Speaker C:Would you like to explore the themes of this story?
Speaker C:For I have many things that I could say.
Speaker C:For example, the main character.
Speaker C:The theme is that he wants to hear some sort of communication with the monsters.
Speaker C:Because in communicating with the monsters, he can communicate with himself and learn why exactly does he have these strange and wonderful, wonderful perversions towards the creatures?
Speaker A:I can also.
Speaker A:The New Orleans Pelicans.
Speaker A:It's the New Orleans Alcatraz.
Speaker B:Huh?
Speaker A:It's a basketball team.
Speaker C:The new on Alcatrazes.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:The deafening silence.
Speaker B:It's like throwing a gun that you murdered your family with down a canyon, that silence.
Speaker A:All right, well, thank you all so much for listening.
Speaker A:Hope everyone has had a great Halloween.
Speaker A:We got this.
Speaker B:Creepy as fuck, huh?
Speaker A:That was creepy.
Speaker B:I think that we.
Speaker B:We really did it great.
Speaker A:We really did.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Okay, everyone, really, thanks for supporting everything that we do here on the last podcast network.
Speaker A:We got the comic, we got the weed.
Speaker A:You know where to get us the coffee.
Speaker A:Keep on going out there and supporting all the small businesses that support us.
Speaker A:Thank you all so much.
Speaker A:And yeah.
Speaker A:All right, everyone.
Speaker A:That's about it.
Speaker B:Good.
Speaker B:Hail Satan.
Speaker C:Goodbye, Helen.
Speaker C:Oh, do I say it on side stories, too?
Speaker C:Do I also say you did it now?
Speaker B:I mean, like, yeah, you went from guest to just co host.
Speaker B:Okay, cool.
Speaker B:You shifted from guest to co host at some point during this episode.
Speaker C:Right around the time that I was screaming about Pinocchio fucking the president to death.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's when you cook.
Speaker B:Technically, that's how I got on the show.
Speaker B:This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors.
Speaker B:You can support our shows by supporting them.
Speaker B:For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com com.
