7:13 The Slice Girls

Bitch:

actually doing for Halloween, costume

Jerk:

me

Bitch:

wise.

Jerk:

either. Welcome to this week's episode of Devil's Trap podcast. I'm Diana.

Bitch:

I'm Liz

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And

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or

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this

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am

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week... Could

Bitch:

I if I am in a costume? Is this my costume? Am I just

Jerk:

be a costume.

Bitch:

wearing a costume all the time?

Jerk:

UGH

Bitch:

So what are we talking this week?

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Season seven, episode 13, The Slice Girls.

Bitch:

Slice up your life!

Jerk:

Oh, how are you this week?

Bitch:

I'm okay. Uh, it's finally not sweaty weather. So

Jerk:

But

Bitch:

that's

Jerk:

it's not quite

Bitch:

nice.

Jerk:

sweater weather either

Bitch:

It is not quite sweater weather. I wore shorts and a long sleeve shirt today. Like, so did the combination. It were, we are in that with that era of, of Texas, which means with the next three weeks, I will go from holy shit, I'm cold too. Oh my God. I'm so hot. But last week I was in Ohio where it was already that, that was very like, sometimes it's super nice to see fall. Like it's very, it's very pretty. And they had like the, like the maroon colored leaves

Jerk:

Oh.

Bitch:

and like the orange stuff. And so I was, I was gonna say I was at a rural part of Ohio, but I think that's just Ohio.

Jerk:

Probably.

Bitch:

Yeah,

Jerk:

I don't

Bitch:

so.

Jerk:

know Ohio very well, so.

Bitch:

No, I was very bummed. Like we wanting

Jerk:

My

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to

Jerk:

mom

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go

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went

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to.

Jerk:

to college in Ohio. That's all

Bitch:

There

Jerk:

I got.

Bitch:

you go. Yeah. All of this. So all of this, the haunted houses, like we're only open on Friday. And

Jerk:

Aww.

Bitch:

then I was like, Oh shit. My boss, my boss was like, go to Mansfield prison. I have a good boss. And so Mansfield prison is in between Columbus and Akron and that's the Shawshank redemption prison.

Jerk:

Hmm.

Bitch:

and they do tours all day and they do all sorts of ghost hunts. However, they're only open from 10 to four. And unfortunately, the reason I was there was because somebody paid a lot of money for me to come and like be with them

Jerk:

and work.

Bitch:

and do stuff. So

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

I couldn't be like, yo, we got to cut this now. We're early because I got to get to the

Jerk:

I gotta

Bitch:

prison.

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go see some prison ghosts. I gotta go see

Bitch:

Yes,

Jerk:

the prison ghosts.

Bitch:

I've got to go find some prison ghost. So unfortunately, and then I was thought about us driving by, but the, just the, it rained so fucking hard

Jerk:

Mmm.

Bitch:

that I was like, this is not, it's not worth it. We're just, it was that very stressful, like let's just

Jerk:

drive.

Bitch:

make it

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

back to our hotel. So it was fine, whatever. And then this weekend, I know I slept a lot. It's probably about it. Oh, and I watched an interview with the vampire. I finally watched that.

Jerk:

And you put a bunch of skeletons in your yard.

Bitch:

Yes, all the mini skeletons that I bought, the flamingos are now out. And so is Frank. I wanted to, I need to tie Frank to a chair because I'm afraid of a teenage. Well, if a teenager like runs up the hill to my house and grabs him out of the chair, runs back down.

Jerk:

Might just be worth it.

Bitch:

I mean, you really wanted it then.

Jerk:

Only if it's on your doorbell cam. That's the only time it's worth it.

Bitch:

Yeah, my drawback ham doesn't work, but it still says there's one. Well,

Jerk:

I'm

Bitch:

yeah,

Jerk:

sorry.

Bitch:

I'm sure the neighbors have, the neighbors is probably fine.

Jerk:

It just seems like it'd be amusing to watch.

Bitch:

And you know, after we watched last week's episode, we all know how to get into those cameras.

Jerk:

Yeah, you just Google that.

Bitch:

Yeah, actually it's not that. Anyway, so how have you been?

Jerk:

Been fine. I went and I've seen some music and everybody's shocked by that information

Bitch:

What?

Jerk:

every time I'm on. Oh, I got to see my friends band. I'm wearing the shirt tonight. J.S.

Bitch:

What?

Jerk:

Evans and

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They

Jerk:

the

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were

Jerk:

Boss

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also

Jerk:

Tweed.

Bitch:

your friends?

Jerk:

And then I saw another band that I really like. It's got Jason Hawk Harris. And so that was fun last week. And then I also got to pop in and watch a couple of songs by the Melvins at the venue next door. And then my ears hurt. So I went back to the Americana show because I was not wearing earplugs with that. for Melvin's pop in. And then I saw the Walkman. They reunited, I guess. People are really excited. They're good at what they do, put on a nice show. And then I went to my friend's tattoo shop, Beach Bumbario Bash at Old Mile Tattoo, and ate sushi with a friend and did my Halloween decorations. That's my weekend. Ta-da! That's what I got.

Bitch:

That is very exciting. Did you get the wreath finished?

Jerk:

I haven't started it yet. I am going to try to make a disco ball wreath. I'm pretty stoked. We'll see how it goes. I got a lot of disco balls in a wreath form. I know I

Bitch:

Yeah!

Jerk:

have a glue gun. I've failed to check on the status of my glue stock, but I think I have a lot. I just haven't looked in a long time, so I need to check that. But I'm pretty confident. So we shall see. We shall see. I'm just in maintain the house and dogs mode because, you know, it's the

Bitch:

Yeah,

Jerk:

best.

Bitch:

I think that was,

Jerk:

life.

Bitch:

you know, like Saturday, I also spent some time getting some house reorganization, like this house is in constant flux of that reorganization will be until. But also a friend who just moved into a new place and she's being like her stuff is like almost set up, but I'm like, wait, you're supposed to do that like a week, like not six

Jerk:

Oh,

Bitch:

months.

Jerk:

girl, you know how I am. I can't even come back from a vacation. I have to unpack that within an hour of arriving home. Like I would be the same way. I'm like, oh, no, it must all be set up. That's that's just how my brain works.

Bitch:

No, I had too much other stuff to do. Other things take precedence. Anyways, so, but yeah, now I finally have my bedroom organized a little bit more,

Jerk:

Boo-yeh!

Bitch:

which gives me a little more, there's so much to do in it, and that's also inspired me up. So anyway, speaking of spiraling, let's talk about slicing. Is

Jerk:

Sure.

Bitch:

that a good transition?

Jerk:

Why not? Like

Bitch:

So,

Jerk:

a spiral. It's a spiralizer.

Bitch:

It was a spiralizer. So, uh, the slice girls is obviously a joke on the spice girls. If you did not get that. And I will want to say that I did learn today after reading the reviews on spice up your life, as I was listening to it and I was reading up on the lyrics as I wanted to have some things were still being perceived. I did read these reviews. Spice Up Your Life received mixed reviews from music critics with Latin-inspired production garnering divisive opinions. Andy Gill, the independent, called it a pseudo-salsa pot pastiche, while the staff of the Miami Herald considered it a condescending dud. In a similar review, David Brown of Entertainment Weekly described it as a ha-cha-cha slice of tropical boat cruise frivolity. George Varga of the San Diego Union Tribune believe that the song does for Latin music what Hanson does for death metal. What?

Jerk:

Wow

Bitch:

Sorry, I read that and I had to share it because that was some of like,

Jerk:

Burn

Bitch:

burn. Yeah, I

Jerk:

Damn

Bitch:

hope that the Spice Girls had to put some sweaters on or I guess the opposite of it. I don't know. Whatever. So that was hilarious. So I don't

Jerk:

They need

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care.

Jerk:

some salve

Bitch:

I thought

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for that.

Bitch:

rd,: 2012

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important.

Bitch:

mean, other reasons probably, but. Fluffy Dog kind of wins things

Jerk:

it does.

Bitch:

in most stuff. But this was his first episode that he ever directed and he was very nervous doing it. He ends up, he directs more, but I just think it's very like someone who had like that much of, he cared so much about the show. Like he basically said, like I was like, he's like, somebody gave me a $3 million car and then I was worried about wrecking it, right? Like, so I just, I think it was very sweet and very awesome. Like how much he really cared about doing this. Most recently he is working as a production designer for the show Superman and Lois, which is on his third season I didn't know existed but no,

Jerk:

I've

Bitch:

whatever.

Jerk:

heard about it.

Bitch:

There's there's another Superman show That's what they're well needed. This is written by Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross lemming I love that couple and Yeah, so we're gonna start off where it was raining and it was raining there and it was raining here And I was just very happy. It was finally fucking raining. That was just like

Jerk:

It was raining and we got a man in his apartment looking through some papers and working on his laptop. And we've got a song playing called The Devil's Got to Earn. It's by Brett Deter, who is an Americana artist, but also better known as the singer for the indie emo band, The Juliana Theory. Interesting hot take. So he does both now that both the Juliana Theory has reunited. They briefly split or took a hiatus or whatever. Yes, I thought it was interesting. having someone spin off from a very different genre to do a good Americana vibe. Hey, guys. Here's somebody come into his apartment, calls out to see if it's his woman or whatever and they don't answer. He stands up, closes the window and turns his music off. Now he's sitting in silence, which is my personal hell while he's working on his laptop. We get this weird zoom

Bitch:

Like

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in

Bitch:

how

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on

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do

Jerk:

his

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you

Jerk:

eyes.

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even do that? I don't understand. Like

Jerk:

me

Bitch:

once

Jerk:

so

Bitch:

the

Jerk:

much.

Bitch:

music

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It gives

Bitch:

went to

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me

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like...

Jerk:

anxiety watching it happen on TV

Bitch:

Like

Jerk:

for a second.

Bitch:

once like I'll be sitting in silence for like a minute and then I realize that I'm sitting in silence and I immediately freak out and put something on.

Jerk:

Correct, correct. And he like intentionally closes the window and turns the music off and sits back down. What the fuck?

Bitch:

Psychopath.

Jerk:

Who does that? Psychopath. I'm gonna be with the psychopath, I don't know. We're not gonna go there. All right, so we get a super tight zoom in on his eyes. And then somebody grabs him, throws him across the room. The glass shatters from the picture frame, but there's all shit on a glass and there's shit on a blood. And then we see a knife stabbing happening. But all we see is the knife hand and a lot of blood.

Bitch:

Let us slice it up. He gets sliced up.

Jerk:

But he does have some really cool pop

Bitch:

Slice

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art on his

Bitch:

up

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wall,

Bitch:

your left.

Jerk:

by the way. And then, and then his shirt's ripped open and a sigil gets carved into his chest.

Bitch:

Very nicely done. I'm

Jerk:

Very

Bitch:

sorry.

Jerk:

nicely

Bitch:

It was

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done.

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just like,

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Very clean. Very nice

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it's

Jerk:

cut.

Bitch:

a very clean work, you know?

Jerk:

It

Bitch:

Like

Jerk:

is.

Bitch:

they didn't even have to have a stencil. Like they just like do that freehand. It's pretty impressive.

Jerk:

It was. Yeah, so we cut to Sam and Dean. Sam's driving and Dean's sleeping there in a 70s Buick Riviera, Buick Riviera, which a car I very much like. And Dean wakes up and takes a sip from his flask. He's carrying Bobby's flask. So that's kind of a running theme in this episode, but he's now using Bobby's flask, which is also dark if you think about it, because they both drink. Bobby drank a lot, too. Oh.

Bitch:

This is pass that alcoholism down to each other. It's so nice as I take a swig from this wine glass. It's fine.

Jerk:

Mm. Same.

Bitch:

So,

Jerk:

Here we go. Here

Bitch:

so

Jerk:

we go.

Bitch:

yeah.

Jerk:

I will wash

Bitch:

It's...

Jerk:

that judgment down with a sip of wine. Oh, so...

Bitch:

Well Dean, but Dean thinks they're on a wild goose chase for a serial killer, which, you know, like when Sam starts explaining things, I can also see that.

Jerk:

Yeah, but he's also like four guys in two weeks. Their hands and their feet are cut off. Eek.

Bitch:

But that's a serial killer thing.

Jerk:

and but they're getting grown men being thrown through walls.

Bitch:

Okay, maybe not a serial killer thing. Dean also says that there is a guy with a fetish run amok, which he could have done a whole amok thing, which I'm disappointed

Jerk:

I think I have.

Bitch:

he didn't. So we go to this morgue or whatever, so we find out it was a crime lab. I just wanna point out in the transcript, this kid or whatever he is, he's known as a forensic officer. And I just love that. And I called him my forensics officer for the entire thing,

Jerk:

Oh,

Bitch:

my FO.

Jerk:

oh, and I believe his name is Eddie. As we come back to see him. He

Bitch:

but

Jerk:

said

Bitch:

he's just adorable.

Jerk:

he continues

Bitch:

He is

Jerk:

in the

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so

Jerk:

episode.

Bitch:

helpful.

Jerk:

I like him.

Bitch:

He is so helpful to the

Jerk:

Yes.

Bitch:

fudge who are coming in. He gets along well with the superiors. I just think

Jerk:

Gold star.

Bitch:

he is a great forensic technician.

Jerk:

He's

Bitch:

I would

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very

Bitch:

be

Jerk:

knowledgeable,

Bitch:

your instinct commander.

Jerk:

very knowledgeable. And when they are looking at the body, they realize there's this giant sigil cut in its chest, which they didn't have in the news articles. So that's super interesting. And the guy, Eddie, your forensic officer is like starts like asking. He's like, you all work this late at night. It's like the middle of the night. And Dean says it's because of their benefits package.

Bitch:

Yeah, he just makes up a healthcare plan. And then I was like, shit, I need to like, my open enrollment thing closes on Friday. So like, I need to do

Jerk:

Oh

Bitch:

that.

Jerk:

no.

Bitch:

Yeah. So, but also like, F.O. Eddie, like he just knows everything. He may be a serial killer.

Jerk:

right? He's

Bitch:

He

Jerk:

very

Bitch:

knows

Jerk:

knowledgeable.

Bitch:

too much.

Jerk:

Yeah. And he's like, oh yeah, we found a DNA on one of the previous, from the attacker, on one of the previous cases because the victim bit them. But there's no genetic matches as in not human.

Bitch:

And that's just fine. That's just only Eddie the FO, like,

Jerk:

No, those

Bitch:

only

Jerk:

are cares.

Bitch:

him, only he knows this or cares.

Jerk:

Yeah. So as they leave, Dean's like, OK, this does sound like an us kind of case. Fine. So, Sam,

Bitch:

Well, do you

Jerk:

you

Bitch:

think

Jerk:

go.

Bitch:

also now I'm just going like, do you think like he's just been like working at this job and like nobody takes him seriously. And now he's finally like, I have these people and they're gonna listen to me.

Jerk:

They're

Bitch:

He's

Jerk:

listening

Bitch:

just gonna

Jerk:

to

Bitch:

hold

Jerk:

me.

Bitch:

them.

Jerk:

Eddie's so happy. He's like, yes. So Dean tries to send Sam to go do research, while Dean goes to the bar, which is his form of research, to hang with the locals. Yeah. And so he goes to Cobalt something.

Bitch:

call botrub.

Jerk:

That's what it was.

Bitch:

Honestly, like as bars go, I would probably like, I don't like the

Jerk:

I'd

Bitch:

sign,

Jerk:

have a drink there.

Bitch:

but I drink there. Like it looks low maintenance.

Jerk:

It's a vibey. Yeah.

Bitch:

It's just like, okay, I can have a drink here and we can hear each other talk. Okay.

Jerk:

Yes. And he's sitting with a an attractive woman who is describing her date from hell, which includes going to see it was just a dinner and movie, but the movie was human centipede. That doesn't sound like a great first date, ma'am. I agree.

Bitch:

And maybe if you like eating ass, I mean, maybe that's still good for a state movie. I don't know.

Jerk:

I don't know. I've never seen it and I don't want to.

Bitch:

I haven't

Jerk:

I don't

Bitch:

either!

Jerk:

feel like I'm missing out at all.

Bitch:

I think my statement right there just said it off.

Jerk:

So she's like starts like she's doing like super flirty about how she's not settling down every time anytime soon. And she really likes Dean Su and he plays off that he's an investment banker.

Bitch:

You douche!

Jerk:

So it's all it's all

Bitch:

He

Jerk:

dumb.

Bitch:

lies

Jerk:

Mm hmm.

Bitch:

about making money, you fucking douche.

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

Like, it's so gross, it's so gross.

Jerk:

It's real gross. And so then they decide to leave together and we get some ACDC out of that. They

Bitch:

And then they bang. They go bang.

Jerk:

may bang. And yeah, so.

Bitch:

and then somebody got

Jerk:

But

Bitch:

murdered.

Jerk:

while they're banging, we get a lot of cut back and forth. It's pretty well edited, I would say. About the scene, I think it was really well done. It's just a cut back and forth of them, their sexual escapades and the murder happening.

Bitch:

And then eventually it's through the lens of the crime scene camera, which is even better. I will say like the first murder scene they had to cut back because it was too gory and the network was like

Jerk:

No, too much.

Bitch:

too much, too much guys, too much. But

Jerk:

Walk

Bitch:

even

Jerk:

back.

Bitch:

this like is still like, it's very heavy. It's very gory. It's just, but I really think that it's intuitively just well done. I really liked the camera clicking to you. Like that makes a really great thing. The actress. did not know that this was going to be that scene. So when she was in wardrobe for the first time and they asked her what kind of underwear she felt comfortable in, I think there was a what the fuck moment. So that is a body double.

Jerk:

Oh.

Bitch:

But you know, they said that she still had funds. You know, I'd be like, I'm doing a what scene with Chimps and Eggles.

Jerk:

Who needs underwear?

Bitch:

What? I'll have to wear underwear? Son of a bitch. But yeah,

Jerk:

That's

Bitch:

so I think

Jerk:

funny.

Bitch:

I always like thinking about, but I find the filming of these scenes is interesting almost as the fight scenes, right? Just like all the things that go into it, especially

Jerk:

It's

Bitch:

if

Jerk:

well

Bitch:

you

Jerk:

choreographed.

Bitch:

think about what part of your body or your body devil's body you want showing, because sex isn't sexy. We don't look good humping. It takes lighting and stuff to make those things like...

Jerk:

Look good, yeah.

Bitch:

Well, and also being gents and alcohol.

Jerk:

You know,

Bitch:

So,

Jerk:

details, details.

Bitch:

anyways, so we go through that.

Jerk:

Yeah. And so Sam and Dean are arriving at the crime scene and apparently Dean looks like shit and, but he had an awesome night. So obviously, as we know, and he's like, kind of like teasing about it, but whatever. So Sam still hasn't been able to identify what this sigil is and they And they're discussing that as they enter the apartment where this murder took place and Dean has a nice one letter. It says nice decor early slaughterhouse. Okay, I was amused. Now it's not as funny, but it was funny when I heard him say it. And our good friend, our forensic officer, Eddie recognizes them as FBI and introduces them to detective.

Bitch:

He's making the connections between them and Charlene.

Jerk:

Yeah, the Charlene Penn, she's the lead on the case. And so, yeah, they're like, OK. And while they're kind of looking around and after this intro happens, random dude shows up at the door and was like, Oh, I just want to check on Jerry. He was my friend and my neighbor. And Sam's like, Oh, do you have any enemies? And he's like, Well, his wife wasn't happy because he had a fling. Oh. A little alarm bell there, except for the fact that his wife probably couldn't throw him like practically through a wall.

Bitch:

Yeah. And they also mentioned before the Jerry Jerry's friend shows up that all of the victims all have the same victim profile. They're all thirties. They're all in their thirties, good looking, successful, and with no known enemies. So all their victimology, same. I've been watching a lot of criminal minds. So,

Jerk:

Bye!

Bitch:

so we go from that to Dean realizing that he has left

Jerk:

at Lydia's. Womp Womp. And so he calls and she answers, but she definitely does not want to be on the phone with them. It is real awkward. And she kind of dismisses him. And Sam's

Bitch:

Why'd

Jerk:

very

Bitch:

she give

Jerk:

amused.

Bitch:

him her real number?

Jerk:

I don't know. It's real weird. It's real weird. And we zoom out on Lydia and she's super fucking pregnant. And she was not the night before.

Bitch:

Very prayers, very, very prayers.

Jerk:

So we cut to a really weird room with a bunch of chandeliers and candles. That's how I don't know what this is. Uh, Lydia is now in labor and surrounded by a bunch of other women. And she gives birth to a baby and names it Emma. And then they call out next.

Bitch:

Yeah, and the women are like telling her like, the pain is an honor. And I'm really like, fuck you bitch. Like, no, that is never an honor. Like yanking something out of my twat. Like, no, thank you. Uh, but so obviously something weird is going on

Jerk:

Mm-hmm.

Bitch:

with Lydia.

Jerk:

So Sam and Dean go meet Professor Morrison at the Anthropology Department at a college.

Bitch:

and

Jerk:

And.

Bitch:

I immediately go, hee I can't wait for curtain call!

Jerk:

So he definitely wants to get paid by the FBI for helping them.

Bitch:

I love him so much!

Jerk:

And they're like, nah, you can have our gratitude and a good word with the IRS. And that gets his attention.

Bitch:

So like Professor Morrison is just shady, but like this underneath shady, they never like, they just keep like, maybe he probably he probably has IRS money. I'll just get the problems. Just get with that.

Jerk:

Apparently. But either way, he just needs to do a bunch of research on the sigil, but he can figure out what it is. He's so excited. And Sam's like, cool, we'll see you tomorrow. And he's like, oh, I've spent an entire sabbatical on less than this. And they're like, now there's a serial killer. And he's like, my housekeeper needs a green card. So,

Bitch:

Yeah,

Jerk:

he's

Bitch:

yeah.

Jerk:

down

Bitch:

So

Jerk:

to negotiate.

Bitch:

so shady. So Dean is upset that Lydia still hasn't called. So he's just going to do

Jerk:

The

Bitch:

a

Jerk:

worst

Bitch:

drop

Jerk:

thing.

Bitch:

in. Fuck you. The fuck you psychopath. Get the fuck. What the fuck are you doing at my house? Like.

Jerk:

I mean, I kind of get though, like he's got to get your property. I mean, it is what it is too.

Bitch:

I also understand that. But at this point, weren't there text messages?

Jerk:

Apparently she wasn't answering them.

Bitch:

Yeah, I would be like, I'm coming to your house, if you just put it outside, this is what you do. I would text and be like, hey, understand you're busy Lydia, just put

Jerk:

I need

Bitch:

it

Jerk:

this back, it's important.

Bitch:

in your mailbox.

Jerk:

Yeah,

Bitch:

We don't

Jerk:

something.

Bitch:

have to see each other. That's what I would do.

Jerk:

We don't have to talk, we don't have to see each other, I just need my shit. But

Bitch:

Yeah. So much

Jerk:

no.

Bitch:

easier than this awkward shit.

Jerk:

Yeah, so he shows up at her door and she calls him the wrong name.

Bitch:

I love it.

Jerk:

calls him Don instead of Dean. And she found the flask and she almost threw it away. So she goes to get it. And he just fucking awkwardly just rolls right on in.

Bitch:

What the

Jerk:

No

Bitch:

fuck

Jerk:

boundaries,

Bitch:

is wrong with you?

Jerk:

no boundaries. Sir,

Bitch:

Like,

Jerk:

you

Bitch:

did

Jerk:

stay at

Bitch:

you

Jerk:

the door,

Bitch:

have,

Jerk:

sir. Stay at the door.

Bitch:

unless like, did you have like a super like intimate night? Like maybe, I think you just fucked. Like, I don't think there was talking. Like, you did not connect. You fucked, you can't walk in the house.

Jerk:

But now there's like a young toddler almost. It's a baby but not quite toddler age.

Bitch:

It's a baby,

Jerk:

It's standing

Bitch:

yeah.

Jerk:

up. It's a baby that's old enough to stand

Bitch:

Yeah,

Jerk:

in a crib.

Bitch:

what's that, 18

Jerk:

And

Bitch:

months? I don't

Jerk:

yeah, sure. 18 months, 18,

Bitch:

know. I don't know,

Jerk:

yeah,

Bitch:

like we

Jerk:

that

Bitch:

were

Jerk:

sounds

Bitch:

talking,

Jerk:

right.

Bitch:

like we were saying how children work.

Jerk:

No. And he's like, oh, you're babysitting? And she's like, nope. And he just like walks towards the baby, which more boundaries, sir, boundaries, boundaries. Don't walk towards the random baby in the house.

Bitch:

You creep! You fucking psychopath!

Jerk:

But anyways, yeah.

Bitch:

Who came over to get a thing of liquor?!

Jerk:

So anyways, we find out that this is Emma, the baby that she just had like that morning or whatever. And it's her first child, so she tells him. So Sam calls Dean and interrupts him. So he's like, yeah, I need to get to the crime lab right now. And while Dean's on the phone with Sam, he hears baby Emma talking. Like not goo gaga, like full on like, mom, who's that guy? Like talking to Lydia.

Bitch:

Look who's talking now.

Jerk:

What the fuck?

Bitch:

man, I would see that moving forever.

Jerk:

Honey,

Bitch:

So

Jerk:

you're right. I forgot about that, Mary.

Bitch:

yeah, so they made a conscious decision about like, good, like whether or not to have her mouth move like the baby's mouth.

Jerk:

They just

Bitch:

And

Jerk:

turn

Bitch:

they

Jerk:

their

Bitch:

decide,

Jerk:

head, don't they?

Bitch:

but so she does she talks she did,

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

but it's not. I'm okay with that. I didn't think it was that creepy just because the voice wasn't goo Gaga. I think because the voice was so matter of fact, like I was okay.

Jerk:

So weird. So Sam's kick kicking it with Eddie back at the morgue. And they're looking at this body and it's all the same shit. All the same again. And the good old detective Charlene, though, is super suspicious. And she's like, what brought the feds in on this? Anyways, why are you here, Sam? And he's like, before he can even answer, Eddie's got the fucking answers. He's ready. He's like, oh, well, it was similar to other cold cases and it jumps state lines. I have the case files. Sam, do you want to look at them? Here you go.

Bitch:

So, I mean, obviously he is the serial killer because like that, if this was like, like that's a like, I would just be like, what the fuck bro? Why do you know about this shit? But also why didn't Sam and Dean know about the cold cases? Why did this not pop up on their radar?

Jerk:

I think the implication is because they didn't have Bobby.

Bitch:

Yeah, I was

Jerk:

But.

Bitch:

just saying, I was just saying, so you're for, you know, Eddie knows that there's other cold cases that are similar to this. Like Eddie's just solved the case. Like fuck you,

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

Charlene. Like Eddie gets a promotion.

Jerk:

Right. Promote him immediately. The he's the sheriff now.

Bitch:

Ta ta!

Jerk:

I'm just kidding. So it is we've got

Bitch:

That

Jerk:

cases

Bitch:

is how

Jerk:

and

Bitch:

things work.

Jerk:

exactly. He's got they've had the same pattern happen before in Chicago and Miami. And so Sam is explaining all this. He's identical murder fest to Dean and Dean's like not really saying, but definitely telling Sam that he's staking out Lydia's. And all these women like leave, he sees a bunch of women leaving Lydia's. They show up and then they leave. And they have a suitcase and full on child size Emma, so it's only been hours and she's like an eight year old now. Leave the house to go with them. And Lydia gives her a little locket that stays behind.

Bitch:

Yeah, so Lydia tells her to be a good girl and makes them proud, which is fucking creepy. Like, I never want to hear that. No one told me ever to be a good girl and make anybody proud.

Jerk:

No?

Bitch:

That's disturbing in so many ways. But also the costume department, apparently, that like this locket was like a last minute thing that was added into the script the night before. So then you just had to send somebody out to go find a whole bunch of lockets that look like this. There's

Jerk:

Wow.

Bitch:

like, someone go find heart lockets. And I can just imagine being like that PA or whoever was

Jerk:

like

Bitch:

like

Jerk:

frantically running

Bitch:

the

Jerk:

around.

Bitch:

props person like going around Vancouver trying to find heart lockets and like cursing the person who put it in the script the night before.

Jerk:

That's like, yes. Well, either way, Sam thinks that Dean is kind of cuckoo about this whole thing and that really he's just trying to make some shit up and is obsessed with Lydia basically is his hot take.

Bitch:

Yeah, I mean, like there's a woman who is not fawning all over him who is opposite D, right? So I can see this, you know, being a thing that Sam suspects, but seems wrong.

Jerk:

He is. So Emma's now with this lady in a suit. We find out in the credits her name is Madeline. I didn't catch them say her name ever. But so I've just got lady in suit.

Bitch:

Oh, before that, did you say inside the fridge was just like beer and American cheese? Sorry.

Jerk:

I'd miss that. Well, I noticed it was pretty empty, but I'm not shocked

Bitch:

Yeah,

Jerk:

by this

Bitch:

they

Jerk:

information.

Bitch:

were just like very like, and it comes later, but like it was very specific, just these sad slices, like the wrapped American cheese.

Jerk:

Ugh. So Emma's now at the weird place where her mom gave birth and lady in the suits talking about joining our

Bitch:

Ew,

Jerk:

family.

Bitch:

I hope they

Jerk:

Oh,

Bitch:

like, sanitize them. Whoop.

Jerk:

me too. And there's a bunch of other girls all around the same age and they're all dressed in white and they're passing around a tray with pieces of meat and a glass of milk.

Bitch:

Gross, why are you giving them milk? Also, that was plum, so interesting. That looks like me, but it was actually plums. So,

Jerk:

Okay.

Bitch:

which

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

sounds much better than eating meat and milk, but also plums and milk, gross. Why are you giving them milk? I think I'm just offended by the-

Jerk:

So weird. And there's a speech going on about how they hunt and kill for her. And they go on these blood missions for the good of the tribe.

Bitch:

Yep, yep. And Emma is just not into it. There seems like it. But then she eats it because he's a sheeple.

Jerk:

Yeah, she bends and eats it. Oh, that sounded weird. Anyways, so back at the... I don't know,

Bitch:

She's been to needs.

Jerk:

I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it at all. I really didn't, but then I said it.

Bitch:

Yeah, he said it.

Jerk:

Anyway, so at the university, good old Professor Morrison is giving a full-on presentation to Sam and Dean. He's got slides. He is ready, and they just want to get to the point. But okay. And so he's talking about the ancient, how ancient and regional the sigil is and it's been found on the Greek pantheon and it's tied to the goddess Harmonia. Because Harmonia

Bitch:

That's

Jerk:

and

Bitch:

wrong

Jerk:

Eris, it's

Bitch:

No,

Jerk:

tied to...

Bitch:

that's wrong. Yeah, it's a it's a Marty I'm sorry to get annoyed cuz there was it like the goddess harmonia was Aries daughter She was not the one that Aries so Aries like ends up like fucking a nymph named harmonium Which is not the same goddess harmonies. I already got really mad. This is all like everything is wrong. You're on wrong So we're just gonna do

Jerk:

Oh, it's time for lore. Okay.

Bitch:

Because I'm just mad. Well,

Jerk:

Oh

Bitch:

so like, basically Dean brings up, you know, like, is this Wonder Woman? And so I think there's a lot of, yeah, duh, you know, and the professor is like, no, it's not Wonder Woman. It's

Jerk:

Because

Bitch:

an ex-

Jerk:

he does get, he does say the word Amazon. We get to Amazon,

Bitch:

He

Jerk:

so.

Bitch:

gets to Amazon. So he's talking about the Amazon. Sorry, I was really excited. I thought he said it. So I jumped ahead, whatever, it's Amazon. So he says that they're an exclusively female culture with no use for men except for procreating. After they were impregnated, they killed the male first cutting off certain body parts. And none of that is said anywhere. It's just not. So we're gonna talk about some... of the lore behind Amazons. Not obviously all of it because there may be a lot, but not enough. Not enough. I will also say I am not going to lie. I really thought that Amazons came from the Amazon in South America like the longest

Jerk:

the jungle.

Bitch:

time. Yeah like it's up until like probably like longer than I should have. feel way into adulthood. Like it may have been like me getting into Wonder Woman comics or something at some point that I was finally like what? And then I learned it was reverse. So where did they come from? Were they real? Probably not, but maybe seems to be the general consensus. So thank you world for being very, very clear on that. I mean, to be fair, there are legends of tribes of warrior women throughout the world, but the named Amazons mainly come from the ancient Greeks who were just obsessed. and they included them in their legends and depicted them in art. They depicted them as fierce warriors, but although they seemed to admire them, the legends always somehow ended up with the Amazons being defeated by their super Greek male counterparts.

Jerk:

Hmm.

Bitch:

And I just honestly think that most of the Greek writers were horny men and liked to write about chick fights with their tits hanging out. And because most of the stories, like the Amazons are always hot. They're like ultimate fighter ships. Like Ray is always like round arousal type stories. And, you know, like and I see like the tit saying because it's a dude's and like one of the reasons is like, have you ever heard this that Amazons cut off a tit so they could like fire a bow? I mean, does that seem like a practical thing to do? It just is not. Like who what who thought that up? A man. No woman was just like, you know what I'm going to do? Like,

Jerk:

Slop this puppy off.

Bitch:

I'm just going to go cut off my boo so I can fire a bow arrow. You know what? That one that has nothing to do with how we fire a bow. Like we're fine. Like that's it. But so it's just stupid. It likely originated though, like in about like 500 BC when the Greek historian Hellenicus like was trying to come up with where Greeks had like. had the word Amazon. So there is like the Greek word for breast, like is like was on or something and then like

Jerk:

Hmm.

Bitch:

a is like without. So it was like, oh, clearly like these chicks don't have

Jerk:

Right.

Bitch:

a move. And so like,

Jerk:

Obviously.

Bitch:

obviously what there is and so I'm going to hopefully be able to share this. So Diana can see this picture of that. I'm just calling ouch my titty. And let's,

Jerk:

Watch my titty.

Bitch:

so I'm going to share screen and hopefully, oh my God, dear God, just fucking work. So I'm not making awkward airtime. There we go.

Jerk:

Owl my tootie.

Bitch:

mazon by Franz von Stuck from: 1903

Jerk:

It looks like it's bleeding. Her tits bleeding.

Bitch:

Yeah. It's like underneath it, like why y'all are just, they're just obsessed with boobs. Is all of

Jerk:

I

Bitch:

this

Jerk:

mean,

Bitch:

comes down to you.

Jerk:

yeah.

Bitch:

So. It's also been said that Amazons are a tribe of man-hating, domineering women who enslaved and mutilated, killed or rejected baby boys. That is also something that sounds like a bunch of dudes would write. Most sources you're appraising, you know, kind of appraising, you know, Amazons feel for men. Homer used words that portrayed them equal to men and a lot of poets referred to them as, you know, man lovers. sounds weird but I mean the music are fucking dudes right they liked men they were so they weren't you know they weren't all like in the aisle lesbos

Jerk:

I meant the she was that the she woman man hating whatever. I've tried to make the opposite of the human woman hater club and I just fucked it up.

Bitch:

Yeah,

Jerk:

We go ahead.

Bitch:

yeah. So the notion of this likely originated just from the actual oppression of women by Greek men. To say like little it was a very challenging time to be female. At the birth, you had a significant chance of just being abandoned, which I guess like a loosely didn't kill you, but they would just be like, I don't want this baby. It's a girl. and I'm gonna put her on a rock and maybe like a bear family will come like get her and she can be like raised by these bears and then we have like stories about the bear girl but actually

Jerk:

fun.

Bitch:

I think I think that actually goes into like one of the amazons being raised by a wolf or something I don't know uh but if you were like in a live historical grease like your life prospects as a female obviously a lot of those are going to depend on social class and your birthplace but You know, if you were Spartan, then you, you know, you can get some trainings and academics in combat, but they were just like all about that gym life. That was just kind of like Spartan, like just what they did right there. And just like, we're gonna, we're all going to work out together. Yeehaw. But you're still not going to have any rights. You're just going to be, you know, but you'll at least like be hot.

Jerk:

the bends will be tight

Bitch:

you'll have tight glutes, which are very important to the Greeks. They care a lot about butts. We know that. But in Athens, like formal education, if you're a chick, no, that was only for upperclassmen. If you were a girl, basically you're going to get taught like, so do other domestic shit. If you're upper class, you would get to learn how to like manage your household. But you know, and but if you were also of, you know, the were just in general class, like you matured at 14. And that's when you got to get married to whoever your dad or what other male guardian picked for you to marry. And those were generally gonna be about 20 to 30 years older than you. And probably they also have a bunch of other people that are fucking besides you. But like as an ideal, like the Athene and the woman, like... she did not interact with men in public. No one's supposed to know your name if you're a citizen wife, right? This was mainly though for the wealthy people because obviously if you're not rich, you've got to work. So work is gonna generally

Jerk:

Right.

Bitch:

involve you talking to people.

Jerk:

Usually.

Bitch:

Yeah, and also priestesses were exempt from that role. And though they also played a pretty important role in Athenian society. particularly in the cult of Athena, Polyas, or Athena, so the city's cult, right? So you could be like her priest and then you could do that and you can kind of wield some power that way, but pretty much like those are going to be like if you're part of legit society, that's kind of like your only options. Literary evidence even suggests that Athenians, their houses had separate quarters for men and women. So you and your husband didn't even live on the same floor. Women couldn't enter into any kind of legal contracts or anything that was more than a certain amount of barlary.

Jerk:

Right.

Bitch:

And so all you were limited to were most of your occupations and things like you could be a weaver, you could be a potter, you could make a net, exciting things. You could be a merchant. And it was against Athenian law to criticize anybody, regardless of gender, for selling in the marketplace. So you could also, as a woman, you could go shopping, that was

Jerk:

Okay.

Bitch:

allowed. So you could go to the marketplace to buy goods. But normally, if you're wealthy, you would send the people that you owned to do that for you. But obviously, if you're poor, you had to do that by yourself. Or your other option as one of the oldest professions in the world, you could do sex work. that was legal, but it was kind of frowned upon. Like it was kind of had a bad reputation

Jerk:

Right.

Bitch:

and it was taxed. There were, you could be either a porny, which a porn or a hatari, which is like the high class version of that. So if you're a porny, you charge for that. And the other ones basically were like, Oh, we only get gifts. So it's not the same, but you know. Yeah,

Jerk:

Sure.

Bitch:

but those women like you could have the power to choose your own clients and you can become like famous and like all sorts of things. You could be hired as you could be a dancing girl. So kind of just like dancers of today that's been around forever. But you could be then the chances of sexual assault are pretty high at these things.

Jerk:

Okay, I can do that.

Bitch:

and remembering that you have no legal rights. You only have your male guardian to stand up for you and nobody is guarding the guardian, right? Yeah, and there's also this idea that Amazons gave up motherhood to become warriors and which is just, how would you make more Amazon?

Jerk:

Well, this episode shows us that.

Bitch:

Yeah, so there is like there is that rumor and the idea that like they would go out and like find a tribe of men and then you take them we're gonna we're gonna fuck you and then we're just gonna kill you and like take your

Jerk:

We'll

Bitch:

seeds.

Jerk:

be pregnant then. Yeah.

Bitch:

No. Like that's just dumb. So like some of them were just like oh yeah they would just like meet with other people and then like they would send the male children away but no that that's stupid. Okay, so one thing to know is on where the Amazon's real question is that in the Greek legends, they were always talked about in the past, right? So nobody ever said in these legends, like it was never like

Jerk:

There's

Bitch:

the

Jerk:

never a

Bitch:

Amazon.

Jerk:

current.

Bitch:

Yeah, the Amazons weren't like in Athens, like having a war, right? It was always about like the older wars or like the Iliad. So that was something that Homer wrote in, you know, 8th BC. Right. So, and that was you saying that this was supposed to be set like 500 years before that. And so I'm going to summarize the main legends about the Amazon queens, because like I said, there's a lot of stuff. So this is all of the, all the Amazon legends in a paragraph. Hercules gets told to get one of the Amazon's Hippolyte's belts, which had been a gift from her father Ares, you know, the god of war. She was like, whatever, I don't even like that thing. But then one of the Hercules boys like sees the queen sister and decides that he's entitled to whatever he wants. So he and Hercules fuck off back to Athens with the belt and the sister. Then the Amazons come to fight, they all get defeated. And except that when Achilles like is fighting, he sees like one of the Amazons, she's a hot queen, Penthesilia, they're all queens. He gets a boner, but he kills her anyways. Then he fucks her corpse. In some versions, that doesn't happen. He doesn't fuck her corpse. He just is barely in love with her. But anyways, Necrophilia makes the story more interesting. So that's all the Amazon legends in a paragraph.

Jerk:

Oh.

Bitch:

There are many, many books and things about that. So go look them up. But anyways, so back to where they're real. So it is more likely they were based off of some version of women warriors. There are archeological findings of 5th century BC graves that indicate that the Greek myths of Amazon's may have been inspired by real life equestrian nomads from Eurasia. It sounds a lot like Uranus. I don't know why, but it does. So both Amazons and the Scythian people shared traits like an active outdoor lifestyle, sexual freedom, hunting and warfare. The discovery suggests a possible connection between the Amazons and the nomadic cultures of Scythia. And so around 450 BC, the historian Herodotus, whatever. see his name. I don't care what we do. Who cares? So him and other people described how women from Scythia fought alongside men on horseback, which resembled the Amazons. Greek and Roman historians report encounters of figures like the Amazons and Easterlands by Cyrus of Persia, Alexander the Great, and Rome's general Pompey. So others believed in these existence and also associated them with those warrior women of Scythia. And so the Scythians were hardcore people with a reputation for drinking excesses amounts of undiluted wine, like those bitch ass Greeks who mixed wine with water. The Scythians also imbibed fermented mare's milk and they used a plant to produce a smoke that no Grecian vapor bath can surpass. Transported by the vapor they shadow out. So inside vessels they have uncovered during archaeological digs as saying they were all drinking a bunch of opium while they were smoking weed. Literal

Jerk:

Sounds about

Bitch:

cannabis

Jerk:

right.

Bitch:

Scythian burial mound in the: 1940

Jerk:

Great.

Bitch:

fought because you had to. And so it's. The thought though is that a lot of the Amazonian myth is based on those actual women that existed. They were warriors and Greeks were like, oh, we're a bunch of pussy men. We don't know what to do with like these, we're so scared about these women, but also you're hot. Like, is that's the thing that underlining, like thing about this is like for me, like whenever I read this stuff about like the Greek legends about Amazons, it's like they end up, they fight, you're really hot. I wanna fuck you, but then, oh no, I kill you, right? Like...

Jerk:

It's an unfortunate storyline.

Bitch:

Is it a fortune on the storyline, but it also sounds something like a horny deed would write. So I think there, yeah, in my opinion, yeah, not a tribe of like, I don't think there were like lands of like, where we as women, I wish there were, but there's no land, you know, where we were just like, we had our own like women land together, like, you know, being Amazons, but likely we were, you know, badass warriors who are fighting alongside men and, you know, just got. you know, change the list. So, anyways, that's the lore.

Jerk:

I like it. I like it. As a very tall woman, there's been Amazon jokes my whole life. So, you know, there we go. And I come from a family of tall women. My immediate family,

Bitch:

You do.

Jerk:

at least.

Bitch:

I do not.

Jerk:

So.

Bitch:

But I always like, there's a reason you can't be, you know, a tiny Amazon. No one ever said Amazon had to be tall.

Jerk:

No, that's true. There's not a rule about it. It's just the lore of it.

Bitch:

Well, it's just wasted like, you know, you kicked ass, right? So

Jerk:

Right.

Bitch:

I think also like the being a really tall thing. I know what that's why I thought of what South American women are tall. I don't know, like, I don't know, maybe just our education

Jerk:

I don't know.

Bitch:

sucks.

Jerk:

What's funny though too is that I'm tall and my first name is the same as Wonder Woman's.

Bitch:

Oh

Jerk:

There

Bitch:

my

Jerk:

we

Bitch:

god,

Jerk:

go.

Bitch:

I just heard your dog make the most hilarious

Jerk:

That's

Bitch:

noise when

Jerk:

his,

Bitch:

you said that.

Jerk:

he's making a lot of noises.

Bitch:

Yeah, there is a lot of stuff

Jerk:

And

Bitch:

I

Jerk:

give

Bitch:

cut.

Jerk:

me crazy eyes.

Bitch:

There is a lot of stuff I cut from this including about Wonder Woman's aunt being one of the Amazon queens and how she was played by Robin who was Robin Wright, who's a princess bride like, I don't like I cut out like

Jerk:

It's a lot there, a lot there.

Bitch:

I really wanted

Jerk:

Ah.

Bitch:

to go into like the legends behind the queens and they are really good. Like they're good, they're really great stories at the same time. Like, I think my paragraph sums it up a lot.

Jerk:

No, it did. I appreciate it. So, yeah, so we'll

Bitch:

So

Jerk:

just wipe

Bitch:

we're

Jerk:

out

Bitch:

going

Jerk:

whatever Professor Morrison

Bitch:

to,

Jerk:

said,

Bitch:

whatever

Jerk:

you know, with

Bitch:

per

Jerk:

what

Bitch:

Forrester-Borison

Jerk:

Liz said.

Bitch:

says is stupid. So let's

Jerk:

Oh

Bitch:

just, we're going to wrap up with them and we'll see if there's anything there before we cut to finding

Jerk:

Nah.

Bitch:

out. Yep. So we find out our investigator, uh, Charlene. Dammit

Jerk:

Detective

Bitch:

Charlene.

Jerk:

Charlene.

Bitch:

You can't be a detective Charlene either. I'm sorry.

Jerk:

Well, she knows that Sam and Dean's Sam and Dean's IDs are fake. She's on the phone with somebody. Oh, she's on a film with Suit Lady, a.k.a. Madeline, who heads up these Amazons. And basically she's like, these guys are after us. They are these crazy motherfuckers that were on that crime spree a few months ago. So they must be some vigilantes. But we've dealt with hunters like this before. Oh no, so she knows that they are hunters too.

Bitch:

She also called them thugs. Thanks.

Jerk:

Yeah, thugs. But good old Madeline points out, oh, well, we've already got one scheduled to be taken care of. We'll just add the other to the agenda.

Bitch:

What?

Jerk:

Because

Bitch:

So

Jerk:

as we

Bitch:

kill

Jerk:

as a

Bitch:

me.

Jerk:

viewer have started piecing together that the MO for all of these dudes matches up with Dean hooking up with the chick at the bar. Lydia. So now we know Dean. Dean's in danger.

Bitch:

Danger, danger!

Jerk:

So Dean's trying and Sam are trying to research. They're, so my dog

Bitch:

I hope

Jerk:

Albus,

Bitch:

that sound is picked up

Jerk:

I

Bitch:

by

Jerk:

do

Bitch:

the

Jerk:

too.

Bitch:

microphones. If

Jerk:

So

Bitch:

I

Jerk:

Albus

Bitch:

can hear

Jerk:

is

Bitch:

it in

Jerk:

a funny

Bitch:

my headphones,

Jerk:

dog.

Bitch:

I can assume it's getting picked up.

Jerk:

He does what I call monstering. I don't know what other word there is for it. And he like rolls around on the dog bed and makes crazy monster noises. Like that. And so... sorry.

Bitch:

I love that he is a very vocal dog. I appreciate a vocal dog. This is not barking.

Jerk:

I do, I do sometimes. So here we go. So sorry if he continues to interrupt. That's a monster sound effects. So basically, Sam is Sam and Dean are researching. Dean's trying to dig through Bobby's books, and we do have an underlying theme that's come up a couple times this episode we haven't, you and I haven't touched on much. But basically they're bummed that they don't have Bobby to call for help. They have to depend on Professor Morrison. Sam is more just trying to figure out the workaround where Dean's pretty much like, I don't wanna use anybody else. Well, guess what? Bobby's dead. So this is what they gotta do. And they're just, you know, they realize the professor is not gonna be able to connect all the dots because he doesn't believe in what he's talking about. He

Bitch:

and

Jerk:

thinks

Bitch:

makes

Jerk:

it's

Bitch:

a

Jerk:

all

Bitch:

difference.

Jerk:

just, yeah. So anyways, they've found...

Bitch:

But I also feel like that's kind of the professor's fault. Like, you know, like, even if you don't believe in the myth, like, to me, like, there's a serial killer on the loose, so you should be acting like they believe it.

Jerk:

So yeah, and they find a little bit more in their lore, Sam and Dean, basically they figure out that, yeah, the Amazon reproduced quickly, they birthed within 36 hours and then the babies grow fast and then they basically eventually normalize in speed. And it's a two year mating cycle, which matches up with the amount of time between each of the cities they've been hitting.

Bitch:

And as Dean says though, it's an awful good way to make an army, right? Because that's one of the ideas that they're running on is that the Amazon women got wiped out, which if you went into like the actual history would be the Attic War, so the Amazon women got wiped out during that war and then went to Harmonia bullshit and they went to this goddess that is, you know, whatever, and then asked her for powers and that's why their kids are

Jerk:

strong

Bitch:

coming out so fast

Jerk:

and their babies come

Bitch:

and their

Jerk:

fast.

Bitch:

trust. so they can make a bunch of like, but wouldn't there be like a lot more women? Like, I don't.

Jerk:

Yeah, it seemed pretty small for that. They haven't they're not doing a very good job at replenishing their ranks. If they're actually following

Bitch:

What's

Jerk:

through

Bitch:

wrong

Jerk:

with what this

Bitch:

with

Jerk:

plan

Bitch:

you? Like, is

Jerk:

is

Bitch:

this...

Jerk:

supposed

Bitch:

What's wrong

Jerk:

to be,

Bitch:

with

Jerk:

if

Bitch:

you?

Jerk:

they're actually doing this plan, there should be a lot more of them.

Bitch:

plan should have started like: 2000

Jerk:

Years ago,

Bitch:

Like

Jerk:

yeah.

Bitch:

that's...

Jerk:

There shouldn't be 15 of them kicking it in wherever

Bitch:

Seattle,

Jerk:

this episode's,

Bitch:

they're

Jerk:

yeah.

Bitch:

in Seattle.

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

Like, or there should, yeah, I don't know. Y'all, we need to talk about whatever is happening. Is it Karen? Is

Jerk:

It

Bitch:

this,

Jerk:

sounds inefficient.

Bitch:

yeah, it's

Jerk:

So

Bitch:

probably Karen. Anyways,

Jerk:

they

Bitch:

so.

Jerk:

realize it dawns on them at this around this time that Emma might be Dean's.

Bitch:

Uh oh! Dean's a dad.

Jerk:

So we cut to our good old Madeline tribal leader wearing a necklace now of the sigil real big. And she's talking about how she's so pleased with the girl's progress. Because all these young girls who were like, they'd be like eight to 10 years old a minute ago are now teenagers. And they're getting branded. Their wrists are being branded with the sigil now.

Bitch:

And Emma is just kind of a wimp.

Jerk:

She's not feeling it. Well, I mean, she is feeling it, I guess.

Bitch:

No, she felt it, but she whined about it.

Jerk:

She was not happy. And it's about how you need to learn to endure and then inflict pain.

Bitch:

Whatever tall lady. All right, so at the motel they're going through Bobby's things

Jerk:

Yeah. And, uh, Dean compares it to dumpster, diamond dumpster diving and, um, you know, they're discussing about how basically, yeah, the Amazon's hookup with decent looking successful guys to improve their gene pool. I mean, it's not, I guess, I mean, it makes

Bitch:

It's like

Jerk:

sense.

Bitch:

a sperm donor bank, right?

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

So the, I would, yeah, I mean.

Jerk:

And this is where Dean confesses that he

Bitch:

Amazons

Jerk:

told Lydia,

Bitch:

don't

Jerk:

he was

Bitch:

want

Jerk:

a.

Bitch:

no scrubs!

Jerk:

If the Amazons don't want no scrubs. So this is where Dean confesses that he said he was an investment banker.

Bitch:

And Sam's UG just echoes all of our UGs. Like he just kind of does this sigh and like rolls his eyes and we feel it. Like he just, he

Jerk:

Mm-hmm.

Bitch:

echoes all of our feelings.

Jerk:

Yeah. But then they're like a piece of paper moves on the bed and it puts one on top. And Dean's like, what the fuck did you see that? And Sam's like, hold on, let me get the MF reader. And it's a going bonkers. And he's like, oh, wait, never mind. We're under the fucking power lines in the windows. Open, Dean. This is bullshit. And Dean's convinced this is Bobby helping them. And Sam's like, nope, no way. We burned him. Can't happen. So they pick up the piece of paper, though, that was on top and it's in Greek. So now they got to go back to the fucking professor to get it translated. And the professor is very annoyed about this. Professor Morrison is not stoked. So they offered to remove his wiretap, which is hilarious.

Bitch:

What is this professor doing on this side?

Jerk:

But I want to know

Bitch:

I wanna

Jerk:

what a side

Bitch:

know.

Jerk:

story. So at the at the motel, Dean's doing his research and he hears a knock at the door, but he's ready. He's got his gun because he knows something's going to happen and looks to the people and guess who it is. It's teenage Emma. Oh, OK, then. What just happened? Riverside just like our filming thing just did something real weird. I don't know what happened. All right. So I got a thought bubble with a thumbs up on my screen. I don't know what's happening. Um,

Bitch:

Okay,

Jerk:

so

Bitch:

cool.

Jerk:

Emma goes, you don't know

Bitch:

Whoa.

Jerk:

me, but my name is Emma and I need your help.

Bitch:

And then she gets

Jerk:

Thank you.

Bitch:

really, really whiny.

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

And she's just like, you're my father, they tortured me. Wah, they told me you were a hunter. And I'm like, that's weird. Why are they telling you that? Like, this is all very sus.

Jerk:

It's super sus and you can tell Dean's like trying to be open to it, but also super sus about it too. He's like, I'm not convinced. And she's like, but I'm kind of hungry. She's like, but three years ago I wasn't even alive. Okay. And Emma's plays off. Like she's mad at her mom like you do. Uh, a teenage girl shocker. Oh, and this is her last chance of anything normal. So here's my complaint. Are you ready? This is my problem. This girl was born three days ago and thrown into the Amazon tribe. How does she know what normal is?

Bitch:

Apparently like I mean she likes think about like when she was like in her crib. She was like who is that guy like so apparently

Jerk:

but she wants

Bitch:

they're

Jerk:

a chance at a normal life. She doesn't know what a normal life is.

Bitch:

She also is just like she also knows how to manipulate her father by saying I know you don't want me so clearly like they got something in their head

Jerk:

I

Bitch:

and

Jerk:

know.

Bitch:

so

Jerk:

I was just saying that was my red flag. I'm like, she wouldn't know what normal is. Ha ha ha. That's how you know

Bitch:

No,

Jerk:

it's all

Bitch:

all

Jerk:

a ruse.

Bitch:

of this

Jerk:

It's all

Bitch:

is

Jerk:

a

Bitch:

fucked.

Jerk:

ruse. It's all

Bitch:

It's

Jerk:

a ruse.

Bitch:

all a ruse, it's all a ruse. And at that point, Professor Morrison's like, oh, I have read this, rest of this, this is so funny.

Jerk:

Ha ha ha! The ritual of initiation is that children must then kill their father.

Bitch:

I don't...

Jerk:

Oh, so we get a lot of like, it's a lot of like back and forth scenes now. We've got Emma asking Dean for help. We've got Detective Charlene attacking Sam and she gets some crazy, like, like really bad, like I wanted I said

Bitch:

jaundice

Jerk:

red eyes. Yeah, I don't know how to describe it. It's not red eyes, like the area around her eye sockets get all red.

Bitch:

Yeah,

Jerk:

But her

Bitch:

it's like

Jerk:

eye,

Bitch:

that makeup

Jerk:

but her. It

Bitch:

I did for Halloween last year and then she turns

Jerk:

is.

Bitch:

yellow. She gets jaundiced

Jerk:

And.

Bitch:

with some yellow,

Jerk:

with really

Bitch:

red

Jerk:

pale

Bitch:

eyes.

Jerk:

irises.

Bitch:

I don't understand the point of this makeup, but I kind of like it. So.

Jerk:

But why I don't think that the Amazon's need makeup

Bitch:

I don't

Jerk:

at

Bitch:

know

Jerk:

all.

Bitch:

where this came from. I said, I don't understand this.

Jerk:

Stupid, stupid.

Bitch:

That's

Jerk:

And

Bitch:

pretty.

Jerk:

she has a and she has the brand, the sigil brand on our wrist. We learned that. But anyway, so she like tries to like throw. She throws Sam. She called him Sam Winchester. You know, turn him in and then he shoots her.

Bitch:

And that seems to work. That seems to kill the Amazon. So,

Jerk:

But his phone's

Bitch:

but

Jerk:

broken.

Bitch:

yep, she

Jerk:

So

Bitch:

broke his

Jerk:

now.

Bitch:

Blackberry. I'm gonna replace that.

Jerk:

So now he's gotta haul ass in person to go stop Emma from killing Dean. And yeah. So he offers

Bitch:

And yeah.

Jerk:

her cheese or a leftover burrito as a snack because that's the only food he has.

Bitch:

Nope, you see the cheese, it comes back. And then she of course pulls a knife on him.

Jerk:

Of

Bitch:

And

Jerk:

course

Bitch:

then he

Jerk:

she

Bitch:

of course

Jerk:

does.

Bitch:

pulls a gun on her.

Jerk:

Yeah. And, uh, yeah. And he's just like, she's now she's all snarky. I was told you'd be a challenge.

Bitch:

What? I don't like you. You're very, you're just, I don't know. Like somehow like you got millennial inside those two days. I don't know.

Jerk:

Ugh.

Bitch:

Like I just, whatever you do is just gross. So they have a standoff and Dean's just like, you can walk away and that she's a psychopath.

Jerk:

She's like, it's weirdly hard, isn't it? You know, and just like, someone has to kill someone. My childhood's super disappointing. Okay, okay, we get it, Emma. So Sam busts in, she gets the crazy red eye thing and Sam shoots her.

Bitch:

So I guess now we're even for Amy.

Jerk:

Oh,

Bitch:

I don't,

Jerk:

so

Bitch:

you just

Jerk:

well,

Bitch:

also

Jerk:

I mean,

Bitch:

killed your niece. Like,

Jerk:

like that

Bitch:

so

Jerk:

we

Bitch:

we

Jerk:

get

Bitch:

just,

Jerk:

we get it

Bitch:

wait!

Jerk:

gets real dark. They try to go find the Amazon headquarters. It's empty. So they're already gone.

Bitch:

Okay, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

Jerk:

And Sam's trying to. Well, Sam's like driving. They're both upset that the Amazon's got away, but

Bitch:

I

Jerk:

they

Bitch:

will

Jerk:

do.

Bitch:

tell you

Jerk:

This

Bitch:

spoiler

Jerk:

is where they really

Bitch:

alert.

Jerk:

start.

Bitch:

Well, I just want to tell you spoiler alert. We never learned what happened to the Amazons.

Jerk:

So there's out there, there's

Bitch:

They're just

Jerk:

out there, doing their

Bitch:

out there.

Jerk:

thing

Bitch:

Like

Jerk:

every

Bitch:

this

Jerk:

two

Bitch:

is

Jerk:

years.

Bitch:

like thousands of Amazons everywhere.

Jerk:

Just every two years,

Bitch:

Millions. It must be billions.

Jerk:

just doing a

Bitch:

Billions

Jerk:

bunch of

Bitch:

of

Jerk:

banging

Bitch:

Amazons

Jerk:

and killing.

Bitch:

banging and like killing dudes that we just don't know about.

Jerk:

I wonder if it's a tribe specific thing that they cut off hands and feet or like different ones cut off different things like,

Bitch:

Oh, interesting.

Jerk:

okay, good nose. I'll take an arm. Take an ear. Take a butt cheek. I

Bitch:

We're

Jerk:

don't

Bitch:

the penis drive, yeah.

Jerk:

know. I can't take what the balls.

Bitch:

One

Jerk:

One

Bitch:

ball only one ball

Jerk:

one ball. But yeah, so they do have a convo now about like, oh, well, you know, the parallel between this and with Amy. And I kind of see. So obviously, when this happened, I see the parallel with Amy. Absolutely. You know, Sam's kind of mad. He's like, look, Emma's not really yours. He's like, yeah, she kind of was, though. But also, you know, she was a monster. And, you know, and since Dean Stantz has always been, you have to we kill monsters. We kill monsters period. The end. So Sam's kind of upset with him about this whole thing. And

Bitch:

because

Jerk:

he's

Bitch:

he's

Jerk:

like.

Bitch:

a hypocrite.

Jerk:

He is. And Sam calls him out. He's like, Bobby was right. Your head is just not in it.

Bitch:

That I don't get though. Like this is like, I don't know if I made the parallel between how Dean has been like not in the game and this episode or at least what happened in this episode because I feel like this is different. Like this is different than

Jerk:

being

Bitch:

like

Jerk:

checked

Bitch:

normal.

Jerk:

out for being emotionally vulnerable or two different things.

Bitch:

Yeah, well, and like you fall accidentally fathered a child, you know,

Jerk:

That's

Bitch:

like

Jerk:

very

Bitch:

that,

Jerk:

different.

Bitch:

to me, I feel like that's a different thing than I've checked out because I'm not into hunting. Like

Jerk:

I feel like

Bitch:

this

Jerk:

there's nuance.

Bitch:

is like,

Jerk:

There's

Bitch:

I

Jerk:

nuance

Bitch:

don't know

Jerk:

there.

Bitch:

if I want to kill my offspring, there should be a natural like, I don't know if I want to kill this child that's

Jerk:

Yeah, that feels reasonable. Yeah, no, it's much more complex. So, anyway, Dean's like, I don't know what you're talking about. You're just as messed up as I am. But Sam's like, I'm just upset. You almost got yourself killed. Don't do that. That's it, and that's the episode.

Bitch:

Yeah, and Dean's just like, I'll do what I can, shut up.

Jerk:

But now what Liz has been looking forward to, we get to talk about our casting couch.

Bitch:

Yay!

Jerk:

I'll kick off with the one you want to hear about the most. How about that?

Bitch:

I'll do, I'll do.

Jerk:

So Professor Morrison is played by Harry Groner, G-R-O-E-N-E-R. He is German, actually.

Bitch:

He's amazing. He's so good.

Jerk:

He's been in single episodes of, A, his career is pretty extensive, so just to be clear in front, but he's been in episodes of everything from St. Elsewhere, Matlock, Star Trek, Next Generation, Voyager, and Enterprise, all three, Law and Order, Home Improvement, Murphy Brown, Charmed, Third Rock from the Sun, Malcolm in the Middle, Bone, CSI, Breaking Bad, Once Upon a Time, Ghosted, Modern Family, and 911 Lone Star. So, and that's just a sampling. He played the decor captain in Amistad, his Michael in the movie Dance With Me, his Dr. Prac in Patch Adams, John Rush in About Schmidt, Mr. McDouglin in Road to Perdition, and then, I'm gonna come back to that one, his. Clint in how I played your mother. It was multiple episodes, ongoing episodes. Pembroke in a cure for wellness, which is a pretty current series, more recent series. He played Senator McGee in the new film Oppenheimer. And most importantly, I know. to Liz is Mayor Richard Wilkins in Buffy.

Bitch:

Yay, the mayor! And he becomes a giant snake. Also, it's like, also mayor and giant snake.

Jerk:

Yeah. Lydia was played by Sarah Canning. She has been in episodes of Smallville Hell on Wheels. She has actually a recurring character named Charlotte Royce. Once upon a time, Van Helsing, and she's been a couple of episodes of Big Sky, which is interesting. That's something that Jensen's on now. And she's a 911. She also was Lake in War for Planet of the Apes. Jacqueline in a series of unfortunate events, which I really much enjoyed the series on Netflix. Uh, Catherine drew in the Nancy Drew series and Jenna summers in the vampire diaries.

Bitch:

She was Jenna! She definitely was. I wasn't about to be like, how the fuck should I see? But yep, she was Jenna. And what happened in Jenna, she died.

Jerk:

You may have seen her in the: 4400

Bitch:

Ready?

Jerk:

othing on his, um, IMDB since: 2012

Bitch:

He may have exited the stage. Hopefully, I hope he's alive. Maybe he became a CI, CSI. I'm not a

Jerk:

So

Bitch:

Cupid,

Jerk:

there we

Bitch:

I'll

Jerk:

go.

Bitch:

inform it.

Jerk:

Oh.

Bitch:

What a great cast. I was like, that's

Jerk:

Yeah,

Bitch:

like that. That cast is this cast

Jerk:

really

Bitch:

is hugely

Jerk:

good.

Bitch:

impressive.

Jerk:

It was.

Bitch:

I mean, just in general, besides the fact that I love the mayor. But.

Jerk:

No, it was really good. I think this episode too. So I was right before we started and I know it was like not when we're recording and I was

Bitch:

Yeah.

Jerk:

just making my aside do about the episode. And I was like, it's kind of a bummer, but actually talking back about it, it's super entertaining episode, like an exceptionally entertaining episode. I'm excited about the Amazon stuff because like I said, I'm, I, I'm a tall female named Diana. How could I not get Amazon references all day every

Bitch:

Yeah.

Jerk:

day of my life? So I'm into it. And so I love that. Uh, I just felt like the, you know, the, having to kill your daughter or your daughter kill you thing, it's like a little bit of a little rough. They've been through enough with that shit right now. Like, come on, give them a break.

Bitch:

Well,

Jerk:

Why

Bitch:

I

Jerk:

is

Bitch:

feel

Jerk:

it doing

Bitch:

like it's

Jerk:

that?

Bitch:

such a throwaway thing, right? Like, it's barely like, she's like, like I know she's like not human, but she's human.

Jerk:

Why, enough.

Bitch:

Like you're half, like you're half D, right? Like I, you can't just like, I know like you're half mobster, but you just killed, like your brother

Jerk:

But

Bitch:

just killed

Jerk:

are you,

Bitch:

your-

Jerk:

are you 100% monster or only half monster?

Bitch:

Well, I mean, it was like, I don't know, like,

Jerk:

then if

Bitch:

it's-

Jerk:

you're 100% monster, then why does genetics matter? I don't know, it's complicated.

Bitch:

Yeah, I feel like it's so complicated that he shouldn't have shot her that fast, right? I feel like there should have been

Jerk:

It was,

Bitch:

a, we

Jerk:

it was,

Bitch:

need to take

Jerk:

there

Bitch:

a

Jerk:

was

Bitch:

step

Jerk:

no pause.

Bitch:

and like,

Jerk:

There was

Bitch:

yeah, like

Jerk:

no

Bitch:

we need to

Jerk:

pause.

Bitch:

take a step back and figure this out.

Jerk:

Like, hey, Dean, do you want me to shoot her? Blink once for yes or two for no.

Bitch:

Would

Jerk:

Like, give

Bitch:

you

Jerk:

me

Bitch:

like

Jerk:

something.

Bitch:

me to kill your daughter? Like...

Jerk:

Uhhh...

Bitch:

And then we just don't, I don't, I honestly don't think we ever talk about it again. Like, it's just like, the Amazons just go away. Just like in the

Jerk:

And

Bitch:

world.

Jerk:

they killed Dean's kid. weird. Real weird. So this episode really was a standalone. It really doesn't like do anything to perpetuate the story about Bobby, about them, what they're doing. I mean, other than the implication that they think Bobby was haunting them for a second and they're still dealing with Bobby's death. That's it. Like they really don't. This episode

Bitch:

Well,

Jerk:

doesn't really propel any of the other

Bitch:

it's

Jerk:

story

Bitch:

a very

Jerk:

elements.

Bitch:

slow propel, right? So we kind of, we get their stances on it. We can see Dean's hopeful. We can see Sam is just like, I'm not having this shit. Like I need to move on, right? And so

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

I guess some of that, but it's slow. And next week is gonna be, I may have to order a special outfit for next week.

Jerk:

Uh oh. Noted. That's all I got.

Bitch:

So that's all I got. As I go to Amazon, it's Prime Day, and I'm looking up something to buy. Ha ha ha. Cheers, jerk.

Jerk:

Oh, cheers, bitch.